( log ) let's not lie, i know we're fixing to die ( closed )

[coleader]

Characters: bellamy (disarrayed) & clarke (coleader)
Location building 87
Date: day 40
Summary: coleaders all up in this biz.
Warnings: bell and clarke's awkward friendship.

[ so, it's probably time they talk about Clarke leaving. Clarke might actually be ready to talk about it now, to stop running from everything she's done—

but, of course, this is Norfinbury. there's always something more pressing to talk about. always. today, it's news of an abandoned hospital. she's mostly quiet as she reads her tablet at the dining room table, but after a moment, she speaks. ]

This is going to sound strange.

[ it's just a disclaimer to let Bellamy know that she's not crazy, or at least, she doesn't want to be. ]

Things here are... different. You know that, right? Things exist here that don't exist back where we're from. [ a pause. ] What I'm trying to say is— what do you know about ghosts?

Comments

[disarrayed]

[ it's probably time they talk about a lot of things, but these two are the king and queen of avoiding things when they want to. case in point. ]

Different? No, Clarke, I really had no idea. Deadly temperatures, invisible overlords, monsters. Sounds pretty normal.

[ he's not sitting but is pacing instead, looking out the window in the kitchen occasionally, but it isn't like he can see anything. ] Ghosts? You think there are ghosts here, too?

[coleader]

[ uh, she didn't ask for your sass, mister. she sets the tablet down on the table, tapping her fingers on it restlessly. ]

I know, it sounds crazy. But bear with me. [ it's not like she hasn't already seemed crazy, anyway. ] A friend of mine says they found a hospital in the tunnels, and that he saw ghosts. In stories, they used to say spirits stayed behind for a reason, right?

[disarrayed]

You realize this place will do weird things to people's heads, right?

[ well, they both know that, but Bellamy might be a tiny bit skeptical. ] Some stories say that though, yeah. Unresolved problems, unfinished business, emotions... ghosts stay behind for a lot of reasons in stories.

[ except where this is real life, and if there are ghosts, they have a whole different level of madness to worry about here. ]

[coleader]

[ yes, Bellamy, she knows! those weird things are happening to her head all the time. ]

So, do you think there could be ghosts staying behind who are trying to communicate with us?

[ god, she can't believe she's saying this. she even winces a little as she continues. ]

Like spirits who know what happened here, or what is happening here.

[disarrayed]

They could be. If ghosts exist. I wouldn't count on anything being helpful here.

[ he pauses, turning to look at her from across the kitchen. ]

Or it could be something the admin is doing to mess with us. They aren't exactly benevolent. I wouldn't trust it.

[coleader]

If they were trying to mess with us, why make it so— insignificant?

[ she furrows her brow. it seems to Clarke that anything meant to make them question their sanity would be town-wide, like the hallucinations and injections. she never saw ghosts, or even heard of them until now. why spare her and Bellamy from them, yet show the spirits to Tim? it doesn't add up. ]

He said they didn't even really do anything. Whatever it was, the spirits or whatever you want to call them, they were benevolent. Even if the Admin isn't.

[ she pauses, worrying her lip between her teeth for a moment before speaking again. ]

You probably think I'm crazy.

[disarrayed]

They could be insignificant right now. This place seems pretty good at tricking us. Let us think they're nothing, and just when we've gotten comfortable --

[ it's like Mt. Weather all over again. the sweet food, the warmth, the clean clothes, the perfect little facade of safety. of course norfinbury isn't exactly the paragon of paradise, but. ]

Yeah, you're crazy, completely insane, Clarke. [ this is his really? you're really asking me that? look, and he sighs, running a hand over his face, trying to scrub away the fatigue. ]

So if these spirits are benevolent, then yeah, they might be able to help us, if we could communicate with them. But most of what I read was old fiction, not exactly leading us to any hard facts on how to use these voices or whatever they were to our advantage.

[coleader]

I know nothing here is safe, I know that we can't let our guard down—

[ she doesn't trail off, rather stopping abruptly and taking a breath, exhaling deeply. Clarke stands, stepping around the table to come face-to-face with Bellamy. ]

But I have to believe there's something here that can help us. If I don't, I'm going to lose my mind. And I don't know if I can come back from that.

[disarrayed]

[ Bellamy looks up, mildly surprised by her approach, but the strange desperation and honest he hears in her voice gives him pause. count on their roles to switch so easily -- wasn't it he who had lost himself to the ground politics and she had the level head? ]

Clarke, there is something here that's going to help us. I don't know what it is, it could just be the other people here, but we're going to get out of here. [ he reaches up, gripping her shoulders as though steadying her, but it might really just be the need for contact he's feeling. ]

You're not going to lose your mind. I'm not going to let that happen, not here or ever, Clarke. Do you understand that? [ his mouth tights to a small frown. ]

[coleader]

[ IT'S CUTE THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP HER CRAZY, B.

her first instinct is to shrug his hands off her shoulders, step away and close herself off, but she's trying this new thing where she acts like a human being. it's been over a month since she's really allowed herself to be a person at all, but if she's going to stop running away from everything, Bellamy's a good place to start. ]

There's this sickness, from my friend's universe. [ god, it sounds so dumb saying things like this out loud. "universe." ] It makes you... black out. Lose control. Hallucinate. And if it gets really bad, you get violent. [ or murder-y. ]

He thinks he infected me. So maybe I already am. Losing it, I mean.

[disarrayed]

[ well, he will always think he can stop it, and he will try until it kills him. that's the strange relationship they have. don't they always do what they can, when they can, even if it means more pain and hurt in the end?

he expects her to dart, because they don't do this, Clarke and Bellamy. they don't comfort and sooth and the last time they touched at all was when Clarke left, when she said goodbye. there won't be goodbyes for a while, not here. ]

Clarke, you're not sick. The things that have been happening... well, they've been happening to a lot of people. And if you're infected, then I am, too. Just means we'll have to work faster and harder, but in a place like this, anything can make you crazy, anything can make you violent.

[ he drops his hands from her shoulders and sighs. ] It's whether you choose to let it or not. And I'm not going to let you give up. Neither of us are. And if it comes to it, we'll have a plan, if we both get sick or just one of us, but right now we're not sick. We're fine.

[coleader]

[ Clarke shakes her head. ] You don't know, Bellamy. [ he doesn't have as much experience here, hasn't dealt with the people like she has. ] The sickness is real. I've seen it. He turns into someone else, and he doesn't even remember it the next day. His friend — I've been trying to treat him. We've been trying to come up with a plan since I got here.

[ as much as she tells Tim and Jay she'll figure it out, she'll fix this, she doesn't know how. she doesn't know if there is a fix. ]

If I start acting strangely, you have to go. [ it feels awful to admit this out loud, that she's terrified of losing it; she's been so adamant that she isn't crazy, she isn't, that Clarke feels odd even entertaining the possibility out loud. but it's Bellamy, and she's not going to let herself go insane and hurt him. ] Or I will.

[ she takes a breath, gaze falling to the floor. leaving's what she does best, after all. ]

[disarrayed]

Yeah, fine.

[ but he never submits so easily, and he's not submitting. if she needs to hear the words right now then that's fine, but whether she starts acting strangely or not, Bellamy isn't going to go. they are a team, aren't they? whether or not they'd planned to be, here they are. ]

If you start acting weird, I'll go. I swear. But I'm not convinced you're sick -- and if you are, then I'm not convinced that I haven't caught it yet, either. You know how these things are.

[ after all, he'd been throwing up blood in the drop ship not that long ago, right? but finally, he speaks again, his voice louder, firm. ] Clarke. [ and he reaches for her again, this time hugging her, whether she wants it or not because there's a distance there that neither of them have been able to ford. ] This isn't the end. You need to stop acting like somehow this is your fault, that you're some great burden because the more you do that, the more dangerous you are to yourself and to me. [ he draws back, pacing the small space from the wall to her. ]

We can't give up, even if we're here, we can't. Not on each other, and not on anyone else.