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[network] @hotstud_xxx; Day 038; May Day [open]

[Well, this might just make it worse or it might not work at all, but House is zero percent interested in continuing on with these symptoms. It's like detoxing. It's worse than detoxing. Because taking his Vicodin isn't helping.]

@ADMIN

We have a medical emergency. Medical personnel non-responsive through interface. Individuals showing signs of severe allergic reactions to recent injections. Please advise.

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No allergic reactions detected. Minor anomalies detected. Anomalies predicted to be short-term. Consult your physician for more detail.

[Calm. Stay calm.]

Anomalies are not minor in several individuals. Individuals noted as comatose. As in unconscious. As in potentially lacking sufficient oxygen flow to the brain because of what you assholes dosed us with. [Okay. Mostly calm.] Others experiencing severe long-term memory loss.

Request explanation for recent injections. Anomalies have not presented previous. Recommend check of all medications administered to citizens.

[He really hadn't wanted to give out his name or what he is, but in this instance... At least he can make this private from the others who don't already know. No one needs to see him being this desperate. It's a little galling that Epps is going to see him like this, but he can just tell him it was for himself and himself alone. Easy enough to wave away when he's experiencing symptoms, too.]

Recommendation of medication check is at the direction of Dr. Gregory House, MD, Head of Diagnostic Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. I am the attending physician for four patients displaying moderate to severe symptoms. Dr. Clayton Epps is the attending physician for at least half a dozen other patients displaying similarly moderate to severe symptoms.

Please advise on anomalies, Admin. Short-term or not, symptoms may be life-threatening or cause permanent damage to long-term health of citizens.

Request delivery of emergency medical supplies to deal with symptoms. Present facilities are not equipped to manage patient comfort until anomalies subside.

Edited 2015-09-23 05:29 (UTC)

No long-term effects predicted. Side effects will fade within 24 hours. Full scrub injection deemed a necessary emergency measure. No further communication will be given on this issue.

[Everyone in the house with House might be treated to the sight of a grown man very nearly chucking his tablet across the room. He holds himself back, though. One last try. It said it wouldn't communication on the injection issue. What about other issues?]

Admin, please define nature of emergency. Citizen identified as @andromeda has noted irregularities in the behavior of large-footed automatons in Norfinbury. [He's not calling it Sasquatch. He's not calling it Sasquatch.] @andromeda notes that automatons are unusually aggressive. Please advise.

[It's not until Clayton's already settled in at the hospital that he checks the network again and realizes what House is up to here. Whoops. Maybe things would have gone a little differently if he had gotten involved...although these are clearly automated responses, so then again, maybe not. Ah well. Offering support anyways in the aftermath.]

I'm sorry. You did what you could.

[Sorry, Clayton. House doesn't do well with platitudes.]

i don't need you to validate what i do, epps
you were included because this thing has responded to you before

You could call it validation, if it makes you feel better. I'm just sorry that I couldn't help more.

Although, thinking on it, I'm not sure how much I could do. The Admin sanctions these shots, so all of these adverse reactions are probably swept under as standard protocol. They probably only responded to me because the problem I was reporting in wasn't something they caused. Expected versus unexpected side effects, right?

has anyone told you that you're incredibly annoying?
you're incredibly annoying right now

next time i have a medical emergency they didn't directly cause, i'll be sure to check
just to be sure
repeat trials and all

[...And House is probably going to think he's annoying no matter what Clayton says next to qualify things, so he opts to say nothing at all. Do not argue with the patients.]

After this round of shots has made everyone so sick? It could be a completely different medication than the one they gave me, sure, but it could also be a problem with more than just a single batch. I wouldn't test it, not unless there's no other choice.

You're going to try it later anyways, aren't you?

it's for SCIENCE, epps
and that all depends if there's an emergency while i'm around

Then let's hope there isn't. I'd like to make my patients healthier with my treatments, thanks, instead of risking putting someone in a coma just to test a theory.

funnily enough
i like to make them healthier, too
no risk
no reward, though
if they get put in a coma
that tells us something important

We don't have working life support systems of any kind--nothing that can take care of someone who's completely unresponsive for more than a day. If you put someone in a coma here, you are going to kill them. That is not an acceptable loss.

i hear people come back from the dead here

[Yep. Just going to throw that in Clayton's face. Sorry, buddy, he's not in the mood to be told 'no.']

[He's seen House's arguments dealing with this topic, he knows how this game works.]

Not all of them. For every person that I've seen revived, I can name five others that disappeared, were listed in the obituaries, and I've never heard from again. If there's a way to tell who they feel like bringing back, I don't know what it is, and I'm definitely not willing to bank on it.

how about this, epps
you treat your patients
i'll treat mine
we'll compare notes when all of this is over and we're not freezing our asses off in snowhell
i'm guessing you'll have lost more by virtue of being here longer

They're all our patients. [Shit--what does he want to appeal to here? "We'll save more if we work together" naturally comes to mind, but Clayton's pretty sure House won't be boarding that ship any time soon.] If you leave it up to them to choose, let's face it, they'll all go to me. Back home, your department gave you a steady supply of people to study. You don't have that kind of security here--unless I can convince them to work with you. I'm willing to help with that.

define steady
back home i picked my patients

[Except for the times that he had them thrust upon him.]

tenure's great
and trust me
i can entertain myself
i don't need an advocate and i don't need a friend

i get it
you want to work together to make sure everyone is better off
you also shift gears to accommodate and try to get cooperation at the drop of a hat
you're good
which means you've had a lot of experience
which means you're good at lying to get what you want
that's fun

anyway
let me reassure you
doctor
i'm not going to try to kill anyone needlessly
funnily enough
i went to med school, too
they said that was BAD
gives the lawyers heartburn

[Clayton quietly chooses to ignore House's surprisingly accurate observations about his conflict-handling habits. Don't you go and change the subject, House. This conversation is still totally about you.]

That's exactly what I meant: The hospital attracts patients, you get a free pool to pick from. You don't have that luxury here. People can choose not to contact you if they're having a problem; in fact, it's been my experience that most of the people here wouldn't unless they have a very good reason to trust you. When you've spent most of your time here playing the network troll that won't give out his name that toys with sick people for their own amusement, something tells me your list of patients is going to get very short very quickly.

But you're right--maybe I am just exaggerating the situation to sway your opinion. I'll leave you alone and take your word for it that you'll practice safely. Lord knows, someone around here needs to trust you. Might as well be me.

bad idea

[Also a lie, but House will let that remain implicit for the moment. He suspects Clayton will 'trust' him as long as he can keep him on a leash. House imagines he's already made it blindingly obvious that he makes a very bad dog.]

but let me know how that's going for you in a few weeks
gotta go now
there's this really annoying chick i need to bitch at

[ Miranda's not having the best day. She's never really been sick before; that's for people without perfectly engineered immune systems. Nausea, headache, and grogginess have sent her curling into a ball and ignoring the world as she drifts in and out of sleep, but the tablet keeps making noise. She fumbles it, trying to work out a way to turn off the noises, but opens House's message instead. After a few moments of trying to focus her eyes long enough to read the interaction with @admin, she sets the tablet aside. She stares at House. She takes a very deep breath, and says, as calmly as she can manage: ]

Have you lost your bloody mind, you lunatic?

[He has no patience for her at the moment.]

It's more my brain that's bloody than my mind, Kangaroo Jane. It's really good for the oxygen levels, I hear. But yeah, sure. Cr-azy me! Trying to get answers out of the robot overlords who did this to us. Go back to sleep, moron. Don't worry. I won't let the mean spiders touch your genetically perfect ass.

I'm sure you'd do wonderfully fending off anything that might attack. [ Since they're both hitting below the literal belt and all. ] Including the administrators, whose attention you've just drawn to our group while we're more vulnerable than ever. Excellent plan, I'm sure they'll be falling all over themselves to help their kidnapping now that you're inviting them to the party.

[ It's impressively lucid for someone who's listing slightly to the right every time she starts talking, but Sober Miranda probably wouldn't add: ] Wanker.

Screw you, too, Janey. [He's tempted to throw something at her. But that would be juvenile. Also, it would then require him to grab it at some point. Or she might throw it back. And this plan sounds like it requires a great deal more energy than he wants to expend.]

Did you miss the part where whatever random drone they sent out helped Epps? I sure didn't. @ADMIN's a freaking moron. Whoever's really in charge, that thing's automated. And like we aren't all complete vulnerable anyway. Or were you planning on femme fatale-ing any Sasquatches you run into to death?

Edited 2015-09-24 02:11 (UTC)

[You know, he feels like shit. He was actually napping. He was having a semi-decent dream in which he was getting a really great sandwich with a few people he knew. It was going to be roast beef. And then afterwards they were going to punch a dragon. And this.

And then this.

He'd argue, but he felt like shit, and he's right next to the door, and it just seemed easier to sort of quietly stagger-roll out and go find a couch down the hall to die on. Back later.]

[ Luckily Miranda doesn't throw anything, either, or else the laws of comedy would dictate Lancer get caught in the crossfire. He's safe for now.

Miranda, perhaps not quite aware that she's speaking out loud, mutters, ] - Could do a lot more than any of you - [ before shaking it off and speaking at normal volume: ]

I saw it. I also saw the part where they've kidnapped us, repeatedly injected us with unknown drugs, don't give a damn if we have enough to eat or live on, and, oh yes, the part where they're not helping you no matter how much you ask. All you've done is make yourself interesting, and with people like this, you don't want to be interesting. We don't want to be interesting.

[ Personal experience? No, never. ]

Edited 2015-09-24 03:37 (UTC)

[ House only glances in Lancer's direction long enough to determine he's pissing off, which is really in his best interest right now. The verbal crossfire would have been as bad as the literal.

There's an alert on his tablet for the private communication with the Admin and Clayton and the urge to throw his tablet is there. It's followed up with some sort of vague and vicious vindication. ]

Maybe you don't want to be interesting, but I'm banking on getting stolen away in the night to talk to Mr. Smith. [ Enjoy another reference you probably won't get, Miranda. ]

It's 24 hours for this. Not helping, but at least we've got a time-limit for you being this bitchy. [ He waves his tablet at her in a 'nyah nyah' sort of way. ] Private convo. Didn't think you kids needed to listen in. That's why you're not seeing anything else. [ Granted, it's one response telling him... it's not going to be responding again, but she doesn't need to know that. And House has the distinct impression it's galling for her to have conversations that she can't spy on. ]

Edited 2015-09-24 14:14 (UTC)

[ If everyone would just let Miranda see what they were talking about, it would be so much easier to figure out what was going on, yes. She'd trade a lot to have EDI monitoring everyone here. ]

If you want to be turned into a Hus - [ Wait, no, that's wrong. Wrong place. Norfinbury, not Horizon; snow, not a beautiful planet waiting to be colonized. Maybe still Reapers, but like hell she was giving that much away to this asshole. It's hard to keep things straight when her vision keeps swimming. ] - If you want to be carried off and experimented on, be my guest, but don't get the rest of us caught up in it.

A 'hus'? A Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome patient? I sure do love me my E. coli and kidney failure. [ Oh, look, he's going to medicine to sneer. It's the easiest. ] Afraid you'll let something slip, 'Jane the Administrator?'

Been carried away and experimented on before to get that hot bod'?

You are so painfully transparent it's almost amusing. [ Spoilers: not amusing. Miranda's having a difficult time keeping up that unaffected, better-than-you front. ] I know it's difficult to be called on your bullshit, but I'm sure you'll manage to survive until our captors come to carry you away.

- Well. Maybe not you. They'll want an undamaged specimen.

You're not damaged goods? Right. Sure. Whatever you need to get to sleep at night. [ The words are snapped, rising in volume. Miranda's certainly struck a nerve. ] Even if you were some sort of genetically enhanced future girl, why the hell would they waste eugenics on an 'administrator.' If you're going to lie, make it believable.

Super spy fighter turned rogue freedom fighter for the war, now that would be fun. I'm guessing call girl with some self-defense training, though. Otherwise the wardrobe section on the Millennium Falcon or whatever the hell you ride in is run by a bunch of horny guys looking to get laid by you.

'They' would be my parents. In utero, remember, or is your memory as disappointing as the rest of you?

[ So disappointing. ]

Your fantasy life remains as rich as ever, but then I suppose it would have to be.

And you waste what they gave you? So, you're just a selfish, underachieving asshole. My mistake. Sorry, sorry!

I think he'll just have to live with the disappointment of my not becoming a call-girl.

Is that why you've become a doctor? So mommy and daddy would love you?

[ Yeah, like hell she's getting the real reason. ]

Nah, I was just looking for some sweet cash. You wouldn't believe what they pay us. Close choice with the call-boy thing, though. But really, it's because I want to give back. Doesn't everyone? Smiling kids just tickle me pink.

Edited (Changed my mind halfway through a tag and forgot....) 2015-09-24 23:02 (UTC)

Stick with the believable one. Money, I'd believe. Maybe the thrill of a challenge. Clearly not because you want to help anyone.

I certainly hope you're not allowed near children.

Oh, yeah. I'm a pediatrician. [ We're not going believable at all at the moment. ] All the kids call me Dr. Candy Cane. We laugh and laugh about that. What was it you do again? I mean since the war started. We all know you wouldn't be lying about what you were up to before it.

[ He can't help trying to suss out answers. She's a puzzle. He doesn't like her and she's a puzzle and he's sick and it's a distraction. ]

Weren't you a diagnostician a week ago, Dr. Cane?

I do exactly what everyone tries to do in a war: survive. And you're making that much harder at the moment.

You don't think pediatricians need diagnostics? Yes, we just automatically know what's wrong with kids. No assessment required.

Every specialty requires diagnostics, moron. [ Which is more-or-less true. He's just going to leave out that he does diagnostics for... pretty much every specialty under the sun. And a few that haven't been invented, yet. Comes with the territory of being the guy who gets the weird cases. ]

What exactly did you do to survive? You clearly weren't a freaking diplomat.

[ Killed a truly ridiculous number of people and former people, Miranda thinks viciously, but that's not something she's keen on sharing yet. Not without a working pistol to back it up. ]

it was a ground war, what do you think?

Pretty sailor soldier? Wow, they must've been ten kinds of hard-up to go running to you.

[ That or she means she went running and hiding herself. From the way she acts, though, he can't imagine... he can't imagine why he's continuing to entertain this ridiculous idea that some space war would even happen. First Marcos, then her, then Al with 1915. What the hell is going on? Why would their kidnappers go to the trouble of brainwashing so many people? ]

You're just babbling now, aren't you? The fever's broken what little brain you had. Maybe you should see a real doctor.

[ Not talking about this, nope. The objection that she's n either a sailor nor a soldier remains internal. ]

Christ. Stilinski was right about everyone here. You know absolutely nothing.

[ This who throwing insults at each other thing would work better if she understood the insults. ]

It's an anime. Do they not have cable in space future land?

[ They're getting off point, but this is just ridiculous. ]

It's like talking to a cave man, [ She says, more to herself than him. Ugh, too much headache to sustain this. ]

And you're like talking to someone useless. Oh, right. Because that's what you are here. [ At least he has medical knowledge. House is counting that as one of the few things that makes him valuable, and even that is tenuous with Clayton around. ]

Just roll over and go back to trawling the network.

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