[network] @librarian; video; Day 430; [open]

[cahooted]

Hello? Hi.

My name is Flynn Carsen and--

And you all know that. Right. Uh. That's what they told me? This is kind of awkward because apparently people here know me? Which of course isn't mortifying at all, talking to a bunch of people who met you before, it's like all the downsides of a party but then ineffably, somehow, it got worse.

Anyway, I, uh, I need help? A lot of... help, with, uh.

Everything?

[Is this thing still recording? Hopefully so. His hands come up in some frantic gestures.]

See, it's kind of like my first time in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Or in weather below 0. Or in a place without a sun. Or with static in the air? And I'm not saying that I'm freaking out but I am kind of freaking out, a-a-and it's freezing and people keep telling me these impossible things and I don't know what to do, I really need to call my mom?

And if this is the psych department, I did not sign up for any studies and I just think that it's highly unethical and I'm going to report you all to the administration. ... Which... apparently doesn't do much? I've been told that? That's another thing I have been told by, by the guy who knows me?

Right. So, can anyone help?

[He almost puts the tablet away but then remembers something! And up it comes again, his eyes wide with alarm.]

Also! I'm not dead?? Some guy said I was and apparently they were going to bury me alive?! But I'm really not, and if you could please tell the morticians or, or, or whoever else puts people in body bags around here that this is all just one huge misunderstanding!

Comments

[cahooted]

[wh... at]

That doesn't sound like me at all.

It sounds very cool?

... Which is kind of the issue.

And brings me back to doesn't sound like me at all...

[clowngirl]

You'd be surprised to find out what you're made of in these kill-or-be-killed, situations, Flynny. This place is full of 'em.

[She snaps her fingers twice, quickly.] C'mon, c'mon, start writin' this down, I haven't even told you the best part yet!

[cahooted]

Right!

Right, right.

[He nods, suddenly eager and pats down his clothes.]

I don't have anything to write with!

But I got a really good memory.

... Only not right now. Apparently.

[clowngirl]

[It'll have to do.]

So, there I was-- Now, I'm not gonna say these were ninja robots, but they were clearly robots with some kinda ninja trainin'. There I was, surrounded by 'em! I had just taken out like, five of the robots but more and more were just risin' up out of the snow and takin' up the crane stance before BAM, BOOM, KICK! [She attempts to replicate some sweet kung fu moves and almost drops the tablet.] I nearly lost an eye! [She points to her left eye... which looks fine.] I thought I was a goner! [She dramatically swoons!] THEN, just as dawn began to break-- you came barreling over the horizon! You had a machete, not that you needed it, because I swear you took down a dozen robots with roundhouse kicks alone KAPOW! WHAMMO! [More jostling of the camera as she tries to enact this feat.] But it was pretty cool when you decapitated that one robot and it exploded but you just turned and walked away from it with the fiery remains in the backdrop as your open shirt fluttered in the breeze. "Aren't you cold?" I asked, in awe. "Carsen, Flynn Carsen," you answered in a sexy, devil-may-care voice as you punched another robot. It took us a good ten minutes after that but we finally took down the remaining robotic horde and had a good laugh about it the next day.

[cahooted]

[Flynn listens, wide-eyed and captivated, his head moving with every jostling of the camera like a rapt kitten. Sometimes he tries to get a word in but then the story continues!! and he snaps his mouth shut again.]

Wait, were the robots dressed like ninjas or just emulating the--

A machete? But weren't they robots, how would a machete cut through the--

Wouldn't I get dizzy from so many roundhouse--

[This is ridiculous. And makes him sound like a total badass which is highly improbable but so entertaining at the same time that he can't quite help getting caught up in it either way.]

And then we made out?!

[clowngirl]

[She's half-tempted to say yes, because that would make for one romantic end-scene. But therein would also lie to the only plot hole to her story:]

In your dreams, Flynny. No one forgets my make-outs!

[cahooted]

[Aww man. It was worth a try?]

So, uh. I'm some kind of superhero?

[clowngirl]

Nah, just a regular kind of hero. I've never seen ya wear a cape. And good on you, 'cause those things get caught all the time.

[cahooted]

That's pretty cool.

What do I do? Besides punching ninja robots?

[clowngirl]

[Geez, so many questions. She tries to think quickly.]

Yoooooou... jump outta airplanes to save old books and ancient tomes. From Nazi scientists. [That's what Flynn told her a Librarian is, right? Basically?]

[cahooted]

What, like Indiana Jones?

[He laughs, incredulous, but also very receptive to the coolness factor here.]

Am I a professor, too?

[clowngirl]

No, like a totally different and legally distinct adventurer guy.

You're a librarian, Flynny.

[cahooted]

[There's a pause and the smile freezes on his face because.

That.

Just redacted approximately 872 points on the awesomeness scale?]

A... librarian.

[clowngirl]

Less sexy than a professorship, sure, but at least you're the coolest one I know?