snowblindrpg | [network; audio] @captaininvincible; dead and gone so long; Day 376 [open] [cw: language, grossness]

Isn't the better question whether he'll stay dead?

Oh, I hope so. Preferably something like "aaaah, I am getting eaten by snowskags and it hurts such a lot, oh god I can feel them digesting me."

Better? No. Equally valid, yes.

[He's not accepting constructive criticism.]

Brutal, love.

[He's so here for it.]

Maybe he'll stream to us as a live studio audience. I'm ready to provide a laugh track.

Don't stop at the laugh track! We'll need witty commentary, and slow motion replays, and something like those videos on the echonet where people cut up the footage and splice it in with reaction gifs and clips from old shows!

And yakety sax. You can't go wrong with yakety sax.

I do not know whether Robert Miller is predisposed to make sounds when he dies of hypothermia.

Edited 2018-07-03 18:10 (UTC)

Has anyone ever told you that you'd throw the best parties? I'm not taking a piss or anything, if I ever have another funeral I'd hire you to plan the festivities in a heartbeat.

[An inappropriate, meme-y funeral. It would go down in history.]

[Ecks...]

It's a philosophy...thing. It's, like, can we really say that something ever happened at all of nobody was around to witness it?

[ HOLY EFF. Angel is pretty sure that she's never been given a better compliment in her life. Like, ever. For realsies. ]

No! No one's ever said - do you really think --

[ wait ]

...Another funeral?

[ u wot m8 ]

Nah. Hypothermia's way too easy.

Unless he's had all his bones broken first. Just sayin'. And we're probably going to need to hold a lottery for that.

I'll go for that.

No sound. Every single one of us deserves a shot at him, first. By the time he kicks it, he won't be able to.

[It's funny because Junpei can't, either. Ha.

~~It's really not. It hasn't even been a day and he wants to talk to someone, anyone, so much.~~]

Yes.

Probably because I beat him to death and he's crying as he crawls off and dies.

if no one knows that it happened no one can authoritatively state that it happened

a person could say that it happened and be lying
that is possible

[Nathan snorts.]

Man, I don't know why I wasn't expecting such colorful responses, but I can't say I'm disappointed.

Holy shit.

[He loves this, honestly. Everyone's so thirsty for Miller blood.]

I feel you, I do, but does he make a sound?

[Ecks is the only one who's actually taking this seriously. Like, not that this is serious, but everyone else is just going on their bloodlust fantasies.]

Right? Like, how can we be sure? He could always be out there, somewhere. Will we ever really know?

Can't argue with that logic, man.

[But, if that's the angle they're going...]

So who gets the first shot and who gets the last shot? Do we draw lots? Do we take bets?

Oh--yeah, long story.

[But he's gonna tell it anyway, because he loves the attention.]

The first time I died I didn't know I was immortal, and it happened around this big crowd of brainwashed virgins, so everyone saw it happen and told my mom and she had to bury me, it was a whole thing.

Whoever finds him. They're going to, anyway, right?
We let them have both for helping the rest of us out, and that means they'll keep an eye on him the whole time, too.
That way it's fair. Gives us all more motivation, and discourages anyone from keeping it a secret because they feel more entitled.

Uh.

[ That's. Kind of a lot to unpack right there. NATHAN WHAT, ]

What w-- why were you dying around a crowd of brainwashed virgins? And if you got buried, did you have to claw your way out of the ground with your bare hands?? Because that sounds simultaneously like one of the most awful yet most badass things I've ever heard.

[ Disappointment in 3, 2, 1... ]

[C'mon how could anything about this story be disappointing.]

Because this mental puritan was turning the whole city into virgins, so I, saint that I am, infiltrated their numbers to take out the queen and free everyone from her icy hold over their baser urges. I got pushed off of a roof and ended up impaled on a fence, it was carnage.

[He totally just fell because it was slippery, but.]

Unfortunately when I woke up six feet under I found out that Uma Thurman really made breaking out of your own coffin look like a walk in the park.

I. Whoa.

[ Being a virgin must be serious fucking business in Nathan's world. WILD. Not that Angel's feeling self-conscious or anything. ]

You must have been freaking terrified! Uh, I'm not saying you're a wimp or anything, just that - ergh. I can't think of anything worse than being buried alive, so. You weren't stuck for long, I hope?

Hypothermia, nah. They just kind of drift off. Unless they start babbling to themselves.

With broken bones, though, there's a lot more whimpering and little sounds of pain. Basically every time you move, you realize that it was an awful idea and everything is horrible.

Until shock sets in. Then there isn't much after that.

[Rhys no why.]

Hey, you asked! Look, if I get my hands on him you can count on that happening.

[Joking? Maybe? Probably not.]

we will know if he is reported on the obituary

the spiders could know

Sure, sure, yeah, that's fair.

[In an astounding display of having an actual brain underneath that massive head of hair, he poses another thought.]

Suppose we should take him hostage and press him for information, somewhere in between all of that?

I was mostly taking a piss--and trying to kill time with the hypothetical that so long as we're getting fuck all from him, can we really say that he's gone for good or should we be expecting him to show up like some kind of fucking freak cyber zombie, but--

[You can practically hear him shrugging over audio.]

Who doesn't love a good torture porn--I've seen Hostel!

[Silent, judgmental squinting.]

I take it you learned from experience.

[Nathan likes you, Ecks.]

The spiders! You're right, shit! I bet he's still prowling about now, the shady fuck.

[He really needs to reign in his language around this impressionable toddler.]

[She's not wrong, really.]

You know, I'm not really sure. When my iPod ran out of batteries it kind of got hard to keep track of time. After the panic wore off it was just...really boring.

[What a let down.]

Was fucking starving by the time my friends dug me up, so probably awhile?

Sorta. Not here, I actually haven't died yet here. But I'm a healer and monster-hunter in a world where there's a lot of shitty ways to die, so there's that.

[You know, Nathan, that's alright. The damage has probably already been done, especially since it reminds her of something.]

and if you see him you can show him this, the shady fuck

[Okay, maybe she should have prepared because it takes a minute for her to get the tablet turned the right way and on the right setting and--there it is, there is an image of Ecks flipping the camera off. She's also kind of smiling, though.]

I've found during works well enough.

What's the shittiest way to die that you've ever seen?

[There are worse conversations, probably?]

You have a lot of prisoner interrogation under your belt, mate?

[Why is everyone here like, incredibly suspicious?]

Geez. kid.

[Wow, dude. There are worse, but not much worse.]

Worst? Dunno. Fire? Venom, maybe. Entire body was black, could barely tell it was human.

Also seen someone torn to shreds. A few times. Worst was that the soul was trapped in the body so the corpse was bloody confetti, but the guy still knew what was going on.

Incredibly fucked up.

Jesus shit. Glad I never went that way.

[He doesn't mean to be flippant about death he's just...it's weird. He's a little desensitized.]

I almost got hacked up by a chainsaw once--narrowly avoided, thankfully. Would not have liked to know how that one would've turned out.

Yeah, I've had some close calls, but nothing that horrific. I lost a fight with a delivery van and they lost me on the table for a couple minutes...But I made it.

Nothing like a chainsaw, though. That's insane, who the fuck attacks someone with a chainsaw?

Closest I ever saw was someone taking out ghouls with a fire ax.

A mental fucker who thinks he's living in a video game?

[Great.]

I can't decide if that's more or less weird than ghouls.

Nah, he was just a firefighter who got into more than he bargained for. Super steady guy, actually, but ghouls mean business. They start to swarm and anyone's gonna freak the fuck out.

He got us out alive. Huge props to him.

He a buddy of yours or something? Or just, you know, friendly neighborhood hero?

[Call him curious! This conversation is really wild.]

[He can't help but laugh.]

Yeah! That's the spirit!

[Nathan, stop.]

You really know how to party, don't you?

Nah, just a random guy who got sucked into the crazy shit. Most humans in my world don't know about monsters and magic and stuff, unless they get really unlucky.

Me and a friend met him while we were checking out a sinkhole. He was just a local who happened to be on the scene, since half a barn disappeared. Turned out the ghouls had hatched from the graveyard nearby and started tunneling. And when things got crazy, he had two choices, you know? Either freak out and get eaten, or grab the nearest weapon and go balls-out.

Firemen, man. Mad respect. We had beers, we went home, guy went back to his job a lot more careful about collapsing buildings in the future.

Something like that.

[Just to add to the suspicion and all.]

no
I do not
I have never b een to a party

[network; audio] @captaininvincible; dead and gone so long; Day 376 [open] [cw: language, grossness]

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