[network] @theiceman; Audio, Night 363 [open] [cw cannibalism, gore]

[holmesice]

I think it's high time an answer is found to a pressing question, and I will not rest until I find the solution:

Which one of you idiots ate my finger?

Comments

[jumpthegun]

['Rationalizing.']

No one here has a penchant for eating other people when they're in their right mind. [At least he's pretty sure none of them do.] Beckett's a vampire, if that's where this is going, and he wasn't part of the people with lines. He was like you. We already know the base instincts are being overridden. Look at Jia Xu's death. The patient attacking her didn't respond to any outside pain or other stimuli. You're trying to make sense of what's senseless.

I understand you're angry, scared, and powerless. Finding someone to pin the blame on and hate while you pick them apart isn't going to fix anything.

[holmesice]

There are people from alternate worlds we know little about. [He can't believe he's considering this kind of thing as normal now, but there's little he can do but protest internally at it.] Who knows what norms they may have? And no, this isn't about Beckett... [Even though he would have been a good contender otherwise.]

Is that your professional opinion, doctor?

[Mycroft sounds utterly offended at John's 'diagnosis'.]

Because I am none of those things. You're the one reading into this far more than necessary, and it's obvious that you are the one who is feeling angry, scared, and powerless.

>private

[jumpthegun]

[John switches to private. He's not going to actively try to humiliate Mycroft in public.]

My professional opinion is that you're suffering from severe PTSD and it's manifesting as obsession and a need to control anything you can, actually. But what do I know?

private

[holmesice]

[There's a tiny, objective part of him that appreciates it, John. But now--]

I think you're projecting, Dr. Watson.

My mind is fully capable of processing trauma in the most efficient way possible, and while admittedly the experiences we've had here are...trying, I can assure you, I'm quite well.

private

[jumpthegun]

Mycroft. You wanted to have a man murdered to stick Sherlock in his body. How objectively sane does that sound to you?

private

[holmesice]

...admittedly, not one of my finer moments, but this place is what's mad, not me! How ridiculous does switching bodies even sound?!

private

[jumpthegun]

Very. Not half as ridiculous as proposing something a James Bond villain would do, though.

private

[holmesice]

I am not a James Bond villain!

Please, even if I was one, you'd never see me coming. [He has standards, you know.]

private

[jumpthegun]

Mycroft, you're one cat to stroke away from being a Bond villain. Our first meeting you had me kidnapped and brought to an empty warehouse, didn't tell me who you were and proceeded to inform me you wanted to turn me spy on a bloke I'd met yesterday. And that's on top of pulling out and reading my therapist's notes at me.

private

[holmesice]

Standard operating procedure to anyone new involved in Sherlock's life, of course.

You're reading far too much into things.

private

[jumpthegun]

You have your brother and me tracked on a regular basis. You've broken into our flat and gone through my private casebook to leave notes. You have a secret sister you've been hiding away god knows where and testing Sherlock's memory on her through the years. Also, you're a posh prick. You're basically a Bond villain.

private

[holmesice]

If I was a Bond villain, I'd actually be competent and actually win. Goodbye, Mr. Bond.

Besides, I really see myself as more of an 'M.'

[Look, there are a lot of Bond references and jokes in his line of work, he's heard them all, okay, John?]

private

[jumpthegun]

Yeah, the problem with you being 'M' is that you're evil. And 'M' is a woman these days.

private

[holmesice]

I'm evil. After everything we've seen happen here, I'm evil.

I know more about what 'M''s job consists of than any of these supposed filmmakers. I could do that job easily. But Dame Judi Dench is an excellent actress.

private

[jumpthegun]

Love makes monsters of us all, Mr. Holmes.