snowblindrpg | Event: Consolidation Theory, Part Four and Five

[What happened?

He looks back at Peter, then down the hallway again.]

... I-I can't tell you that.

Why not?!

[He blurts it out before the obvious makes itself known.

Oh. Right.

He feels like he can't catch a proper breath again, like his cell's walls are dangerously closing in. His voice hitches.]

...was it me?

[It's barely a whisper. Everything is suddenly too much, and his focus is on one thing only.

He can't forgive himself if it was him. He looks down at his bandaged hands, wanting to tear into them like they'd been torn into already.]

Because you're gonna... you're gonna laugh at me.

[He looks away again, his eyes unfocused, like it's hard to keep track of his own thoughts.] This is going to end, like it always does, and then people are going to make jokes about it because that makes it easier to deal with and if I tell you you will tell other people a-and everybody's gonna laugh and I don't want that.

I don't know. Someone. I don't remember.

[He looks stricken by that.]

I always remember.

[Because you're gonna... you're gonna laugh at me.

Something in Peter's heart crumbles and if he wasn't feeling awful before, he's reaching new levels of that low.]

...there's nothing funny about this. At all, ever.

[He glances away, he can't meet him in the eyes right now. He tries to keep his breathing steady.]

I'm sorry I...

...I know I can be a jerk sometimes...a lot of the times...most of the time. I don't mean to be, I mean--sometimes I do, you have to be a jerk around House but--well, that's besides the point. Anyway. What I'm tryin' to say is that...I know what it feels like and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. Before. Or now.

That's not being a good friend and I never...ever meant to hurt you.

[A pause as that new, horrifying information takes root.]

You don't know? [It might not be him. But then it could be.]

I don't remember anything from last night.

Edited 2018-04-26 03:44 (UTC)

[I never ever meant to hurt you.

Flynn looks up at that, his eyes becoming more focused while he listens to Peter's familiar ramblings and tangents. He knows them so well by now. Because it's Peter. Peter who is his best friend and gave him a friendship bracelet and who is really wrong about broccoli.

Peter, who cut Flynn's name into his arm. And Flynn, yelling at Peter about it and then calling him up to apologize (I... I want to be your friend. And I want to be there for you when you're not okay. And I'm sorry I wasn't.) and all he wants to do is be a good friend, too.

And then Flynn is asking all these questions and it's like he's tearing into his best friend's soul and the blood is dripping into the thermos cup and when he approaches the door Peter winces away from him and--]

I-I never meant to hurt you either.

[But he did. He hurt Peter, hurt a lot of people, so many people, because he wasn't himself. He remembers not being himself. Because he's in Norfinbury and Norfinbury makes people turn onto each other, hurt each other.]

... I... It's kind of a blur. You-- the people with the red lines, you went all crazy, just... just tearing at everything, us, and, and each other and yourself a-and... [He shakes his head against the disturbing memory.] It was like you were in a, a frenzy or something.

I know.

[There's nothing but pure conviction in his words. He knows for an absolute fact that none of it, ever, was Flynn's fault and it was just the town, only the town.

Now if he could only truly convince himself of that when it came to what he's done, because what Flynn says next makes his heart drop even further. He rubs his face, the bandages crinkling against each other, trying desperately to remember and...nothing.

He hates this feeling, like a broken ship adrift in space, buffeted by solar winds--he can't do anything, he couldn't stop it then and who knows what he's done--this has happened too many times already--

--and yeah, he suspected as such but to hear it from Flynn makes it actually real, and not just a thought.]

...I was right. We are dangerous.

[It's more shock that's talking than anything else. His red eyes are wide and his breath is coming in faster.]

Why did he do this? When he knows...why did he bring you guys here?! As victims?! Why would he do that?! What's wrong with him? Them?!

[When Peter raises his voice Flynn takes an involuntary step back, another flash of fear on his face.]

I don't... know.

Maybe it was an experiment.

...an experiment.

[Well, that sounds...

...terrible.]

And it's still going on.

[He can't--he can't be made to hurt Flynn again, he can't.]

You have to...you have to fight back. If this happens again, don't let them take you!

[He realizes that Flynn's backing up to the sound of him yelling and his heart cracks a little further, threatening to break completely.]

I... tried that. They were all static and I couldn't do anything around them.

[He still looks like he's about to bolt but he's keeping it together for now.

I never ever meant to hurt you.

The look on Peter's face, almost as grief-struck as when he told Flynn about--]

I'm fine. I'll be fine. Just, it's just my mind working through things. A bit over the place. There's just, there's a lot of blood? Not that I can't see blood, or haven't before, I have, it's just, I-I really prefer not to?

[Damn it, the static things. Peter rubs his face, his eyes wide, still unable to keep a lid on his horror.

I'll be fine.

You can't guarantee that, Flynn, and I can't guarantee that I won't be the one that hurts you.

Not that I can't see blood, or haven't before, I have, it's just, I-I really prefer not to?

Somehow, that actually makes him feel better--when Flynn asked for a cup of his blood, that reassures him that it really did have nothing to do with Flynn. Not that he suspected it did, but maybe his friend had a weird thing about blood who knows--]

If--if you can. I mean, if you have a chance to...

[He trails off, shutting his eyes tightly.]

You'll be fine.

[He wished he believed it.]

Edited 2018-04-28 23:20 (UTC)

[Wow, Peter, he does NOT have a weird thing about blood, thank you.]

I'll be fine. I just, this isn't, I've seen worse? I'm the Librarian.

[His hand comes up, drawing an aimless circle in the air.] R-rapid pulse and breathing, confusion, dizziness, changes in mental status or behavior. Are my pupils dilated?

[You bet they are.]

It's, uh, the symptoms for shock, I just, I should lay down, have my feet elevated. [He's not lying down.] Shouldn't eat. That's okay, I'm not hungry, that, I can do that... [He's puffing his cheeks, shaking his head, getting sucked into the tangents.]

Probably acute stress reaction, too, sense of numbing or detachment from emotional reactions, a sense of physical detachment, perception that one's environment is unreal or dreamlike, definitely that, it's all kind of fuzzy, should probably, I should...

You're the Librarian.

[Peter's not really confident that you'll get out of here okay, buddy, but he wants Flynn to feel better, get better--reiterating that might help him--]

...yeah? Yeah, they are, is that--is-is that bad?

[This rambling all sounds terrible, Peter's heart drops in his stomach and he pounds the glass with a fist once in frustration and fear.]

Are you okay? What's--are you okay, what's going on?

Yeah. I'm the Librarian. [He nods, this is important.]

Sorry, I'm just, I, it's the shock, I'm in shock? I've never seen people in a frenzy like that. That was disturbing? It's just my, uh, body and my mind trying to catch up and doing kind of a poor job of it, wow, really poor job, this is embarrassing.

[It's a strange contrast how he looks absolutely upset on the one side and iterates his condition on the other.]

There was a lot of blood, you know? My neck really hurts. I should find a way out of here, we really need to get out of here. I'll get us out.

H...have you seen a lot of fighting or actual combat? I mean not like, punching bad guys but like, real actual combat?

[Peter presses his hands against the glass, trying to get a better look.]

Did they do something to your neck? Did you lose a lot of blood?

...yeah. Yeah, I know you'll get us out.

Yes, of course? Of course I have. [He absolutely hasn't.]

No, that was just the collar, I was chained to the wall?

...you were chained to the wall.

[Peter's quiet, as that sinks in.

Collar.

Wall.]

...they chained you...

...to a wall with a collar.

[They chained Flynn to a wall with collar...

...the thought, the image is too much to bear.

Then suddenly he slams his fist wildly and starts yelling at the voice in charge.]

I'm going to kill you for this!

[Peter, look at your life, look at your choices.

Flynn's eyes widen at the sudden outburst and the wild, violent response, and the yelling, and the words and -- everybody is tearing at themselves and each other and at Flynn, too, just completely out of control and -- and brings up his arms, shielding his face.]

No! Stop! Stop it!!

[Peter's honestly startled by Flynn's response, seeing him suddenly balk and shield his face, much less what he says next is enough to stop him from his rage at how they treated him--]

--no-no, no, that wasn't--I wasn't saying it to you, I was saying it to the dude--

[He points vaguely out there, indicating Robert Miller.]

No, no, no, no, no...

[It takes Flynn a considerable while to calm down again and he presses his knuckles against his face.]

Could you... could you just not yell for a little while, please.

[...oh, oh no, he didn't realize--]

I'm sorry, man. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to--yeah, 'course I'll shut up--I'm really sorry.

[He feels terrible about this, poor Flynn, and now he's going to definitely make Robert Miller pay for all of this, for what Flynn's going through--]

'mokay.

[He exhales. He's used to nightmares but this is... different and he's not used to it, doesn't know what to do with it.]

This is a little embarrassing. I'm not usually like this.

Event: Consolidation Theory, Part Four and Five

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cw: ptsd

cw: ptsd

cw: ptsd

cw: ptsd

cw: ptsd