snowblindrpg | [log] Lean on me [closed]

Entry tags:

[log] Lean on me [closed]

Characters: The Sorcerer Not-Yet-Supreme, Star-Cat, Star-Lord, and the Librarian
Location: Building 318 and various
Date: Day 339-343
Summary: The visiting of Flynn Carsen to the clan of Snow.
Warnings: References to character death, drowning, blood (because this is a scary building), more CW's in ensuing threads.

318: The stench of blood is thick in this garage, with blood long-soaked into the concrete floor, staining nearly the entire expanse. There are empty wooden tables to be sat on if you would rather not sit on the floor, though they've all been flipped as if in anger. One of the tables has been broken into pieces and burned, and another has pieces missing as if someone had begun to break it into pieces but was interrupted. The whole place has a hostile air to it, and the walls sound like they're breathing at night. "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TWO, CONTACT @LELRIC FOR ANY ASSISTANCE." "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX, PLEASE CALL @LELRIC FOR ANY ASSISTANCE NEEDED." and "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT, FOR ANY ASSISTANCE PLEASE CONTACT @LELRIC ANY TIME." are written on one of the walls.

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"And we were wrong," Flynn says sharply, fingers digging into the fabric of his blanket as he picks it back up. "I shouldn't have come here."

Not that separating would have done anything to stop the mess that had happened on the network but that's another can of worms altogether.

"Peter even told me to stay away from him and I came here anyway to help him and I--" He exhales softly. "I hurt him. Badly."

"So that makes two of us," says Stephen, gaze sliding out of eye contact. "I won't blame you if you need to leave, but you wouldn't be hurting him by staying."

Which is absolutely Stephen's call to make, right?

"How would you know? How can you be so sure?"

He shakes his head. "Clearly this... whatever this is... it isn't over. What if tomorrow I decide I need even more from him?"

"Then I'll stop you this time," replies Stephen more sharply. He's losing ground here, can't quite convince himself that Flynn's actually wrong, but that much he's got to make himself certain of.

That makes him pause. For a moment the fight goes out of him and his shoulders slump as he brings up a hand to rub at his forehead.

"I... It was bad." His voice is quiet. "He'll probably act like it wasn't but it was. I really hurt him, Stephen. Deeply. I... probably hurt him worst of all." He sits down on the couch, staring at his hands. "I know it's not my fault, I know that, but-- but if I stay and it happens again..."

Stephen goes quiet. "I know," he says softly. All of it -- the way Peter hides pain, ignores it like he can make it go away like that. It had been selfish of Stephen to stay with him after their shared memories of how he'd tortured Peter in the tower in another life. That Flynn can't bring himself to do the same probably means he's a better man.

"If you stay and it happens again it won't be any more your fault than it was the first time," he argues. "We can't predict what this place is going to do. One day it hurts us when we're together, the next we get hurt because we're alone."

"If I stay I'll just make him... withdraw and pretend everything's fine and it's not, it's not fine, this is--" He pauses when his voice raises involuntarily and closes his eyes until the moment passes.

"If I go he might, maybe you can, maybe he'll... talk about it, eventually. With someone."

Stephen can't meet Flynn's eyes. Isn't that exactly what he's done to Peter? What he's done to himself as well, in a way? Neither of them have ever been good at actually dealing with the things that are wrong with them.

"If you go I'll be alone with him once the kids pick up the Cat," he says quietly. "I don't know that I'm any better for him."

"He's afraid of me."

The admission slips out before he knows it and he looks away again, fingers digging into his bag until his knuckles stand out white. "He doesn't... want to be near me. And he's gonna feel guilty about it because that's just... that's just how he is. And I can't make him go through that, too. He just... I really think he needs a break from me."

And that hurts to say. That hurts to say very much.

That hits Stephen like a blow. It's exactly what he hasn't wanted to face, that they can't just let bygones be bygones and pretend none of this ever happened.

Or worse, that they could.

"A break," he says after a painful pause. "Not a goodbye."

"Not a goodbye."

Flynn exhales.

"I don't... want to lose him. I don't want to mess this up, I want this to get better but I don't know how to fix this, I don't--" He shakes his head, dismayed. "I don't know what to do."

"Neither do I," admits Stephen. "He needs...just call, alright? Don't disappear on him."

"I won't." His voice softens. "I wouldn't."

Run from, maybe. He does that. He likes doing that. It's the way the world functions to him. But disappear after all Peter has been through - that's out of the question.

Stephen nods slowly to himself as much as to Flynn, feeling hollow at the thought of the coming days. "I wouldn't mind a call, myself, either."

For a moment he's silent; doesn't quite know how to respond to that. There's a faint color rising into his cheeks. It feels so undeserved, everyone being so understanding, so nice, and the shame gnaws at his gut.

"... You'll get it. I, I promise."

Stephen doesn't quite look Flynn in the eye, doesn't really know how to handle this himself. He shifts his weight, hesitant at first but gaining a sort of momentum as he moves in for a hug.

Flynn presses his lips to a firm line. At first he's stiff but then he crumbles, returning the hug and holding on for a short, long moment.

Thank you.

For being a friend. For still believing in him. For not wanting him to go, even now, after everything.

Stephen all but clings once he's gotten started. Thinks about clapping Flynn on the back to make it less weird; decides that'd be more weird. For the moment, he just tries to enjoy the closeness, the giving and receiving of comfort that he needs himself almost as badly. Finally, he loosens his grip as a prelude, a question as to whether Flynn is ready to let go.

"This place isn't going to beat us."

Flynn holds on a little longer, leaning into the comforting gesture because he feels so lost and overwhelmed with everything. But he does let go just at the brink of awkward. "Never."

His voice is quiet but determined. He's not going to give up on you or Peter. Or himself. He just needs a little time.

Stephen lets his hand linger on Flynn's shoulder when he lets go. "Do you know where you're going to go?"

"I, uh."

He clears his throat. "Yeah, I wanted to go to one of the houses where the Russian woman was. I talked to her during the seance but never got around to asking her name. Maybe she'll speak to me again and I can find out--"

His voice hitches at find out because all of this happened because he wanted to find out.

"Maybe she knows something about the lines."

"Maybe," agrees Stephen, though he doubts it. He doubts more and more that the ghosts have any answers for them that they haven't already shared. He almost adds that it can't hurt to ask, but swallows down the impulse. "Don't push things too hard," he adds. "That's a dangerous side of town."