[log] Lean on me [closed]

[zunesareawesome]

Characters: The Sorcerer Not-Yet-Supreme, Star-Cat, Star-Lord, and the Librarian
Location: Building 318 and various
Date: Day 339-343
Summary: The visiting of Flynn Carsen to the clan of Snow.
Warnings: References to character death, drowning, blood (because this is a scary building), more CW's in ensuing threads.




318: The stench of blood is thick in this garage, with blood long-soaked into the concrete floor, staining nearly the entire expanse. There are empty wooden tables to be sat on if you would rather not sit on the floor, though they've all been flipped as if in anger. One of the tables has been broken into pieces and burned, and another has pieces missing as if someone had begun to break it into pieces but was interrupted. The whole place has a hostile air to it, and the walls sound like they're breathing at night. "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TWO, CONTACT @LELRIC FOR ANY ASSISTANCE." "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX, PLEASE CALL @LELRIC FOR ANY ASSISTANCE NEEDED." and "ALPHONSE ELRIC, DAY TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT, FOR ANY ASSISTANCE PLEASE CONTACT @LELRIC ANY TIME." are written on one of the walls.

Comments

[cahooted]

At his words Flynn feels the most inappropriate, hysterical urge to laugh and he keeps pacing up and down, feeling trapped with Peter lingering in the doorway but unwilling to approach and try to push past him.

Think, think, he needs to think, he can't feel right now, he needs to focus and try to keep it together. He shouldn't talk to Peter. Maybe what he did would still happen, maybe it would come back, maybe--

"I'm sorry." He stops pacing, hand pressed against his mouth, eyes suddenly stinging and he takes a couple of deep breaths until he trusts his voice again. "I-I'm sorry, Peter. I didn't-- I thought I was helping. I just wanted to help."

[zunesareawesome]

“No, don’t—don’t apologize, you have nothin’ to apologize for. That’s what this town is, that’s what this town does. It hits everybody right where it hurts. Just so happened this time it was a perfect storm and you got caught in the middle of it. That’s all.”

Peter’s voice is adamant. Steady.

“I wanted to help too. It wasn’t just you. I thought...I thought it was the best way to get answers.”

[cahooted]

Answers.

The word circles in his head. Answers, knowledge, learning. Yes, he remembers the overwhelming urge for that, to solve the riddle, to be the one to figure it all out. Because that's what he does, that's what the Librarian does, right? So smart. So knowledgeable. Hubris, Graham's voice mocks him from somewhere and Flynn's heart breaks a little just there because that's what it was, wasn't it?

Peter's calm, no-nonsense voice helps a little to pull him out of his head and the spiraling thoughts but it's hard, like a vortex pulling him under. It angers him, too, because how can Peter say that? How can he say Flynn has nothing to apologize for? There's a pressure building behind his ears as he tries to keep it all in and contained, to figure out what to do next.

"Look, I--I appreciate what you're doing, I really do, but, we just, a lot of things happened and we, we really should look at the facts? And, and if you look at the facts then the facts are that you still have the lines and if you still have the lines that means I might still be dangerous."

[zunesareawesome]

"You're not danger..."

A pause.

"Okay, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. You really might be. But then again, so am I. Who knows? I might be the one to..." He sighs. He'd been so worried that the ones with the red lines--that he might be the one to attack or hurt people, it didn't occur to him that the opposite could happen.

"Can we just...I know you're not okay, man. But if I can help...make things a little better, please. I want to help. Even if you just want to talk. Or if you want me to leave you alone right now, I'll do it. Just...I didn't want you to be alone in...this."

He leans against the doorframe.

"One of worst feelings in the world, right? Like you're all alone in your wrongness, this weakness that you let the town get to you. That you hurt people and you can't ever take it back, can't ever make it right. Can't ever square it."

[cahooted]

"I took people's souls!" Flynn's voice rises, both in volume and intensity. It's sharp and unpleasant; at the same time it's interrupting, shutting down when Peter tries to lay out how he must feel. Flynn doesn't want to hear how he must feel, he can't deal with hearing how he must feel, can't deal with the understanding. "I used knowledge to take peoples souls! Me! The Librarian!"

He's shouting now, and it's anguished, something deeply hurt underneath that's threatening to break through. But in the end it doesn't, not quite, and instead he sinks back, sitting down on the toilet and pressing his knuckles to his face.

"I-- hurt you. I didn't... I don't want to hurt you again."

[zunesareawesome]

Peter shuts up, his red eyes wide, brows furrowed, and he wishes so bad he could fix it--fix this--

--it's what he does, there's someone needing saving he'll go save them, but how can he save Flynn from this?

What can he possibly say?

He hates Norfinbury so much for doing this to his friend.

"...it wasn't you. It was the town. I don't blame you."

I took people's souls!

He's not gonna lie, he's worried about that. He's worried more about Flynn than himself at this point...whatever this all meant, it was probably something horrible.

"When it happened to me, the town using me, someone said something to me that...helped. So lemme ask you this. Do you still want to? Do you still want to hurt people and take their souls? Right now?"

[cahooted]

"No! No, of course not."

Flynn shakes his head. "But that doesn't mean I won't try and do it again. You're still-- you still have the lines and the eye thing and this isn't over. Whatever I did, it... it isn't over."

He rubs his face, upset. "It's probably gonna get worse. I know that, you know that, why are we arguing about that?"

[zunesareawesome]

"Okay." Peter sighs, looking down. "I know. I know it's not over and this is all probably gonna get worse, I'm not arguing--okay, maybe a little, but..."

He can't fix this.

He hates hearing Flynn sound like this--hates that anguished tone, hates that this town has done this to him--taking something he loved and used it for something so twisted and evil. Even if it was this town--he knew the feeling, knew that blurry line between 'was it really me or not' that taunted you, that might never ever go away.

"Damn it!" Peter kicks at the doorframe. How dare this place do something to someone so--so good?! "This isn't fair! Why him?" He's yelling at the wall now. "Not him!"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

Flynn sighs, too, his heart heavy, wishing Peter would just step away from the door already so he could run from this. The confrontation, the memories, the-- everything. The bandages on Peter's arms. Something twists painfully in his gut and he feels another wave of nausea when he remembers the blood dripping into the cup drip, drip, drop. He's taken so much from his friend, from his soul and how is he ever going to make it right? The awful sensation of his questions lingers, how he tore into people's selves like a knife (or a shard that cuts into Peter's arm) and Peter telling him that he trusts him...

And then Peter kicks at the door and yells at the wall and-- seriously? Flynn raises his head from his hands.

"Are you... talking about me in the third person?"

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

Peter doesn't want to tell Flynn how disturbed he still was at everything, at how he still remembered the burning, how his arm aches right now and reminds him of what happened to his other arm, at how he really did feel like pieces of his soul were plucked away--he wants to talk about it, as he usually did, whenever something bad happened--but he can't now, he can't because he doesn't want him to feel bad. He remembers telling Flynn about his innermost thoughts on what he'd done in the Pit and he feels a hot sting of shame at it, at revealing how he felt like he deserved it--and now Flynn knew, but he knew his friend must be carrying so much more from what happened on the network and all of these awful things that happened to himself need to be pushed to the side because he's so much more worried about him--

"...no." Wait. "...yes?"

A pause. "I was yelling at the town?"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

Maybe he should stay. Stay and try to make up for what he did here, maybe he should not run. Try and fix this, doesn't he owe Peter at least that? But how could he fix this? And what if talking about it made it worse, what if he ended up taking even more from his friend? No, the best thing to do was to leave, right now, he's been here for too long already and--

"It's just, it's a little weird? I'm right here."

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

And this hasn't ended yet--he's still got the lines, he's still got the eerie red eyes. That's not how this stuff usually worked. Peter's used to something bad happening--some weird glitch, and then it ends. This time, something's still going on, something's still happening. Maybe the town was breaking down for good this time, and maybe this is how it starts--bits of pieces of yourself getting taken by other people until you're one giant ghost collective--

"I know, I know, I was...really angry? And I was imagining myself in a movie and this was the moment where the orchestra gets really loud and super sad?"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

And Peter doesn't deserve it, any of it, and Flynn needs him to know that, needs to tell him, but how is he supposed to do that? Does he even have the right to bring up the things he has taken? Can he give them back? What if he can't ever give them back?

He looks at Peter, pausing as if waiting for some imaginary orchestra to actually start playing.

"Doesn't that usually happen towards the end of the scene when there's some resolution? I think we're technically still somewhere in the middle, I mean, maybe you got some Indie French Cinema thing going on here, breaking with convention, that's fine? - I just, I'm not feeling it."

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

Peter wishes he could do some damage against the town--all of this, anger is easiest to handle, it's easiest to process, far easier than the fear--the unending fear of both things past and what's to come, the fear this place was breaking off little pieces of themselves until there was nothing left, the fear that there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel, that they'd never be able to go home and were stuck in some kind of horrible broken machine forever--

The imaginary orchestra is totally playing, bro.

"Well, sometimes when the main character gets really mad or emotional or whatever, the music keeps up with the theme, y'know? Or when something important happens. Like when Indiana Jones put that medallion on the staff and the light hit the crystal and showed where the Ark was in that miniature city?"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

It's really not, Peter.

"Oh! Yes, I know what you mean. That is sometimes referred to as non-diegetic music. But you're actually referring to two different things, the medallion on the staff and the light, that is called underscoring, frequently used to recall or foreshadow a musical theme important to the characters or a plot point. What you are looking for is empathetic sound, to musically double the emotions on screen."

Look, he's never too guilty or despaired to lecture.

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

Well, not anymore, bro, the moment's totally gone!

Peter stares, and then squints, pausing several times before he can find the words. Did...did he just learn something?

"So...so they're not the same thing? Seriously?"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

"Well, they're both techniques of film score composing, they just have different functions within the dramaturgy of the movie."

Somehow, this is now the focal point of this conversation.

"But you're right, orchestra, especially string sounds are used extensively to accompany emotional scenes while the more heroic, dramatic moments usually go to the brass section. If we're talking Indiana Jones, just think of the iconic theme. Or Star Wars, too."

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

"Oh! Like Han and Leia's theme in Empire Strikes Back! That uses--" he snaps his fingers. "Strings, right? Cause it's all romantic and stuff?"

This is their life now.

"Or like scenes with Marion. I get it!"

cw self-harm, blood

[cahooted]

"Exactly."

Very good, Peter!

"And do you remember the band playing in the bar where they first meet Han? That's called diegetic music. When the music is also part of the scene."

cw self-harm, blood

[zunesareawesome]

"Yeah! Oh, that part's soooooo cool, I love it when they meet Han. And that's a great song."

And now that song's stuck in his head. But that's okay, it's not like he could ever forget it after all these years.

[cahooted]

Flynn nods. "And see, that's the difference. All of that is film music, in a way? But they all have different functions within the frame of the movie."

This is good. This is easier, this is escapism, of course, but it calms Flynn's racing heart and the guilt and the frantic response of running out into the snow.

[zunesareawesome]

"Does that count for musicals, or is that a whole different thing?"

Definitely easier than thinking about Real Things. Definitely much easier than thinking about how awful he felt yesterday, definitely easier than desperately trying to convince Flynn not to run and probably failing, and seriously easier than thinking about the uncontrollable, sheer rage at the town for what it took from them both.

[cahooted]

"That's a bit different."

He thinks for a moment. "Though I guess you could use the terms for certain instances, for example to differentiate if there is just music or if the song is character dialogue and introspection or if there is actual singing in the scene..."

[zunesareawesome]

"Like the characters are actually singing in reality like they're at a show?" He taps his chin.

Peter frowns and pats down his shirt and pants pockets. "I really should be taking notes." He actually does want to, this stuff is really interesting to him and it's about movies and music but he wants to write it down to keep it forever because Flynn actually makes him want to learn about...stuff.

[cahooted]

Flynn pauses and watches him, reality knocking uncomfortably at the door.

"I can write something up for you if you like. About film music."