snowblindrpg | [Log] There is time to kill today [Closed]

It wasn't an apology, duh.

[Peter hasn't really matured, all things considered. In fact, he'd regressed to being an even worse person than who he was before he met the other Guardians. He didn't want to care about anybody, but even over so many years he couldn't let go of it completely. He still wanted to know how Quark was doing, he still missed those long-ago days when he and Flynn talked about everything and nothing, when everything was still new. It was...such a long time ago. When Peter realized he wasn't aging the same way as everyone else, he'd freaked out. Maybe it was a fluke.

But 10, 20, 30 years passed...which grew into 60, 70, 80...nothing. 200 years on and he wasn't sure exactly how much more he was gonna live. How much longer he was gonna be stuck here in Norfinbury. A thousand years of this place had stolen everything from him. His friends, his old life--the ability to empathize...how could he care about people that would just die of old age eventually anyway?

He had enough of loss for a hundred lifetimes.

The more years that piled on, the less he could relate...and maybe some of that was self-imposed, too. If he didn't let himself care, he wouldn't get hurt anymore from losing people.

He'd been so long here. Space was a distant memory. All that everything was, was snow and pain.]

I can't even imagine what it's like. [A grin. Getting people riled up was cheap entertainment these days.] "Old Man Flynn" has a nice ring to it.

That's because you heard 'em all before. Can't have any new lines when everything's the same as it's always been.

[He trails off, that was a little too close to home.]

[He snorts at the nickname. Old Man Flynn. Sounds about right.]

You want to know what it's like? It sucks. [It's said wryly, playing into the banter with a ghost of a smile but it doesn't linger. Because Peter is right, all this hits a little too close to home and Flynn turns away to hide his face, to shield himself. He's not sure he can bring himself to have another chance with Peter right now. Not when he's upset and vulnerable and Peter might latch on to it.

The Library lingers in his thoughts and even Flynn is surprised how much he is not over it after all these years. It brings crushing loneliness with a ferocity he hasn't felt in a long time and it doesn't make sense.

It also makes him miss his friend, that person Peter once had been, back when he was still decent, and human, and the moral values they were fighting about had been on such a different level. Flynn blames himself, a lot, because he knows this isn't what Peter - the old Peter - would have wanted. And Flynn had tried. Over the years, had tried and tried to stop him from slipping away from who he is, who he was. Again and again, until no resemblance was left.

Why is he even here? It can only end badly, it always does.]

What's, uh. [He clears his throat and scratches his brow.] What's with the good mood anyway?

I mean, going gray wouldn't be so bad.

[But then again, going gray would remind him of his dad and...yeah. No. He was too much like him already. And he knew it too, he knew how right Ego was about a lot of things. How people were just...mayflies...when it came down to it. Compared to eternity? How could he bother with lesser beings? Is this what it truly means to be a Celestial? Maybe without actual powers, but this was close enough.

He must be growing up, if he was starting to agree with his old man.]

Nothin', really.

[Overcompensating from that dream. Pretending it didn't bother him. Maybe it'd be true if he said it enough.]

Just...memories. You know. From way back when.

[Peter wondered if one day he wouldn't be able to sleep without help, either. Maybe after a few million years have passed. When he'd have 0 ability to relate to mortals.

A part of him balked at that. It seemed really lonely. He'd have barely anyone to have anything in common with, except maybe the other immortals here like Enoch.

A million years in Norfinbury would probably ruin him. He wondered if that's what awaited him. He'd be a destroyed shell, mind buckling under all the endless horrors, the endless years, the endless loss.]

From back when?

[That brings Flynn's head up again, and a little too quickly. He immediately hates himself for it because it's stupid to be hopeful. It's not the first time Peter has mentioned the past in passing and nothing will come of it. Flynn learned that lesson years ago.

In theory.

His plans to shield himself from hurt momentarily forgotten he can't help but ask. He needs to ask. He can't not ask.]

Like when you were human?

Yeah.

[Peter picks up his dead, ancient Zune, not looking at Flynn.]

I was never really human to begin with. But yeah, basically.

Just thinkin' about old friends, y'know?

[A wan smile. You know, when having friends and not shaky allies was a thing. Having friends, not worrying about the future, not thinking it was all going to get stolen away...ripped away by the ice of this place and the ice in his heart.]

Edited 2017-10-26 05:07 (UTC)

Yeah, you were.

[So very human, too, with all that energy and drive; not like now with the cold grins and the ugliness underneath.

Flynn feels a dull ache at Peter's smile and the pull is unbelievable. He should stop right there. Get up. Go to the bathroom, wash his face, go on about his day. Pack his things and get the hell out of here, away from people, wander, maybe back to the library or the museum, his usual hideaways.

Nothing will come of it.]

Those were good times. Don't you miss it?

[Deapire himself, Peter smirks.]

I'll take that as an insult.

[He answers the next question after a pause.]

Of course I do. It's better than a constant influx of never-ending existential horror.

[...he didn't mean to be so open. Maybe that dream hit him harder than he'd realized. The fact that at least it disturbed him on the subconscious level was a sign that he wasn't completely lost. That the old Peter was still there, buried under years of apathy and loss. ]

But hey, keeps the day interesting, y'know?

[That careless attitude again. He fell into it more and more over the years, learning how to stop himself from getting hurt, where there were only only mindless amusements, stupid games and thinking of people as nothing more than temporary distractions, something to mock, to belittle.

And yet here he was somehow with Flynn, never really being able to let go of him. It was stupid, there was no reason to care at all, anymore. Something wouldn't allow him to ignore him, even if over the years he'd tried. However many versions of Flynn that it's been now...]

You were a lot more fun then, gramps.

Well, so were you.

[The shift in attitude is the first blow but something in his answers has Flynn pressing on today.

Of course I do.

It's an unfair admission because it makes him think that maybe, maybe. Maybe he'll break through to Peter somehow, just a little.]

Doesn't have to be this way. [You don't have to be this way, is what he wants to say, but after years and years of arguing Peter will know exactly what he means.]

[Peter does know exactly what he means, and he grimaces. There's a part of him that knows how disappointed his mom would be in him now. How his old self would never want to end up that way. But those thoughts and feelings are buried under hundreds of feet of snow. He couldn't see the world in the same way, anymore. Seeing normal people age and die, being stuck in this frozen wasteland for years and years, all hope of escape extinguished?]

The town probably has a few things to say about that.

[He busies himself with his dead Zune, this was hitting too close to the core he was trying to keep locked up under the ice.]

[At least he gets a reaction. That's enough encouragement for Flynn to venture out on the thin ice.]

The town doesn't get to decide everything. Not what you make of your time with others.

There's nothing wrong with having friends.

[That was true, he'd love to stick it to the town, but he'd tried that enough times over and over again with little success.]

I've been here a long time, man. What I want has been taken by this town too many times.

It's hard to be friends with people that leave you so quickly.

Yes, of course it's hard. But it's not impossible, I know it's not.

[Judson's face comes back to him, calm and gentle even in his let-down of Flynn. He speaks slowly, deliberately, because if he won't he'll slip, he'll get upset.]

And it's worth it. We're here now. Things could be different now.

And then when you die? Again? [To Peter, he thinks he keeps getting multiple reiterations of Flynn over the years. But he's speaking as if he doesn't come back this time.]

You'll only have been around for a fraction of my lifetime. Who knows if I'll still even remember you 10,000 years from now?

Then I die. I was never supposed to live this long anyway. The longest a Librarian ever survived was five years and I was already on year three when I got here.

[He looks over at him.]

You can't even be decent to me for that fraction?

[Ouch. That was such a minuscule amount of time, just the thought of it was...almost incomprehensible. It was like someone telling him he was gonna die in a couple months.]

I'm decent to you now, aren't I?

[Maybe he wasn't really willing to have 'friends', friends, but he wasn't going around killing people for fun. He was willing to chat and hang out with ordinary people. Wasn't that decent?]

[Flynn falls silent and looks at him for a long moment.]

Yeah, you are.

It's nice.

[He lays back a little, he feels like hasn't done this in...well, forever.]

What do you miss most about the old days? The real old days, when we first got here? Or from your home?

[That... he didn't expect that and for a moment Flynn is thrown, wide out into the open. The question leaves him exposed and he is not ready, desperate to backpedal now, to abort this futile mission but it's too late, there's no coming back from this one.

Why are you doing this to him.]

Goodness.

[It comes out harshly, a little broken, parts of his walls crumbling and it's not fair.]

Goodness in the world. Love not being something to scoff at. Getting a call from my Mom and she asks me to come by after work. Because there's tuna casserole in the fridge, you know, and it can't go bad, that would be such a--a shame?

[It's too much and he has to stop there, his voice failing.]

[Ouch. That hits Peter in a place he'd been trying to ignore and forget. Ancient memories are dredged up, and he's not sure if he should continue, either.

This was weird, this was so weird and reminded him of all those centuries ago when he and Flynn found camradierie in each other over things like how awesome moms were.

What was it like to have a mom? It was barely a blip in his life, the oldest of his memories. And even those were tainted with the grief that he'd refused to deal with until he became an adult.]

I...I think I remember my mom making me spaghetti. [Yeah, now that he tried, the details were growing clearer.] She made sure to add extra cheese on top because I really loved cheese. Like those square yellow things? Oh...what were they called? I can't remember. Anyway, the square cheese and it got all melty when you put your fork on it. I can still taste it. Still remember what good food tastes like.

[He shuts his eyes a moment. Goodness was everything that wasn't here.]

[Flynn listens, quickly wiping at his eyes one, two times and clears his throat.]

The ones you put on sandwiches you mean?

Yeah, those ones. The ones that make really good grilled cheeses.

[He opened his eyes again, a small ghost of a smile creeping across his face.]

Sometimes I got those for lunch. Mom always put some kinda cookie in my lunchbag for a treat.

I think they call it American Cheese.

[Flynn drops his head a little, chuckling.]

I once forgot to take the foil off. And when I bit into my sandwich it stuck to my teeth and I pulled all the toppings over my shirt in the middle of class.

["Once".]

Yeah! That. That's what it was.

[A grin, for a second it was like old times again. When nothing else mattered but having a laugh.]

Please tell me everyone saw that.

[It's easy to laugh at your bumbling younger self when you're so much older. And it's easy to forget all the awful things that had passed between them when sitting here laughing with Peter feels so nice.]

Oh, they saw, believe me. Right before my presentation, too.

In the main auditorium.

[That gets an actual snicker.]

About how many people do you think saw this go down?

[Maybe he could forget about everything else for a second. Maybe he could pretend he wasn't even here. That he was just on his ship and he'd dragged Flynn along because he'd love Flynn to join the Guardians and have adventures.

The memories of his dream tugged at him uncomfortably.]

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