snowblindrpg | [log] Grass is probably green, sky is probably blue [closed]

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[log] Grass is probably green, sky is probably blue [closed]

Characters: Stephanie Brown, Alphonse Elric and Gabriel Gray
Location: Skywalk 287
Date: Night 265
Summary: A reunion
Warnings: TBA

Steph doesn't reach the skywalk again until scant moments before lockdown, but the boys have had the whole day to recover from their godawful experience. She assumes this is enough time for them to regain at least some desire for affection.

If not, they're out of luck, because the first thing Steph does after dropping all her belongings by the door is throw herself at first one, then the other. Hopefully nobody will comment if she's crying a little.

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Why?

[He knows that's what Vanitas was doing, but that's between them and he's not going to discuss it right now.]

Why did it matter who's it was? It's a brain, Mr. Gray, a real one.

[ He looks to the side, like a kid caught stealing candy, and sighs. ]

Yeah. And that means that they brought Brian in here, too. Or tried to- it looks like it was after I got to him.

[ Yeah, that's not going to fly, is it? It didn't really matter, he didn't have to see it for himself. The next explanation wasn't quite enough either, but at least it tries to answer the question. ]

I was mostly trying to make sure you got the arm back. This let me talk to Vanitas about it longer.

[He can sort of see where Sylar is going with this, it probably was important to confirm if the man he'd known had been brought here before, but... this was still not good.

He sighs and sits down next to Sylar, deliberately not looking at the brain.]

It's not healthy for you to keep it. You should say your apologies and bury it, that part of who you were is behind you now.

[ It's not what he wants to hear and he frowns, looking down at the brain. ]

I don't- it's all that's left of him. I don't have the telekinesis that he hated so much, so there's really nothing else. I thought-

[ His speech halts again, because he was never going to tell Al this. But it's the only way to explain. He huffs out a frustrated breath and continues. ]

I always felt that I was taking some part of someone with me when I took their ability. It was...the most I could do, to remember they were there. But it's gone. And he's gone. That's all I've got from home and I don't know if I can give it all up- put it in the ground of this damned town.

[ He can feel tears coming to his eyes and he didn't expect to be so upset about this. It's just a brain. There are no secrets left in it. Why would it matter to any part of him? Why does it feel so final? ]

[He's glad that Sylar is being honest with him about this, it helps him to understand and be able to respond properly. It's not exactly a situation he's completely familiar with, but he's dealt with similar.]

He's been gone since he died, having his brain or his abilities doesn't change that. It's the memories of him that live on, in the people that cared about him or who met him, not anything physical. I know it can be hard to bury someone, to say goodbye, but everyone deserves the dignity of being let go when it's their time.

[ The way Sylar had put it had been vague enough or Al was just that kind enough- the whole issue was interpreted differently than Sylar had expected. It was frustrating and relieving at the same time, and maybe Al was right when he said that Brian's been gone- really gone- for a long time now. It's impossible to tell without his abilities back, anyway.

But it's not the whole problem, and Sylar- Gabriel- he's not sure how to address it. He never thought he'd reach this point. ]

You're sure that's all behind me now? I've reverted a lot back home. And I can't- [ His voice had faded to the point of almost disappearing, so he clears his throat and speaks up. ] I can't be sorry. It'd crush me. It almost did the first time.

It should crush you.

[Even though there's sympathy in his voice, it's firm too. He likes Sylar, he's proud of him, but he's not going to make excuses for him.]

You did terrible things, and you should feel guilty and sorry. It crushing you shows you how bad it was, and that you don't want to do it again. But I promise there's no pain too bad that you can't get out the other side, and you're never going to fully be able to move on if you don't face up to what you did.

[ Al was Al, after all, and Gabriel knew he should've expected that. So after the first surprised blink, his expression shifts into a sad smile. ]

I never told you the whole story, what happened after my first kill, did I? [ He holds a hand up. ] I'm not trying to make excuses, just- let me tell you where I'm coming from.

After I killed Brian, it was like I'd been dreaming and I just came to. I couldn't believe what I'd done. It was too much for me. After a few days, I couldn't take it anymore and I tried to hang myself in my shop. [ He clears his throat. ] The rope broke, just as a woman walked in. She caught me as I fell, made sure I was okay when I came to again. Her name was Elle.

We met a couple times and I talked to her about it. She made me feel- [ He pauses as he searches for the right word. ] -normal? And like being normal was okay. I kept finding myself making plans, making lists of other people with special abilities, getting ready to hunt. But when I talked to her, it felt like I could put it all away and just be myself. Whoever that was.

The second time she came to my place, she brought someone. He had the ability to shatter objects. She had him use it over and over, and talked about how amazing it was and- I'd been set up. She just wanted to see me do it again. She worked for the Company, the one that abducts people with abilities and tortures them with testing, and they wanted to understand how my power worked. I still don't know why.

[ He's quiet for a moment, and rubs a hand over his face. ] After I murdered again, I gave up trying to fight it. I just turned off my emotions, as much as I could. And if I- I couldn't handle it then, how could I possibly manage after everything I've done now?

[Al listens silently through the whole story, the lights of his eyes focused wholly on Sylar. It's not a pleasant story, but then these aren't pleasant circumstances that they find themselves in.]

Because-- because you have hope now.

[He spreads his hands before clarifying.]

Back then you were scared and confused, you thought there was no way out because you'd killed someone. You didn't have anyone to go to for comfort, you didn't have a future to fight for. You do now. You have me and Steph, you're going to come to Amestris one day and help me save it, you have too much to live for to turn your back on it no matter how hard it gets.

[ He'd already felt like he was going to cry. Now it shows on his face, even if he isn't actually shedding tears yet. It's hard to believe- so hard to believe. And the plans he'd been making had felt like a fairy tale, something to talk about before someone betrayed him or he betrayed them. But now it's more real, and that's somehow comforting and scary at the same time.

He looks down at the ground, embarrassed, and doesn't meet Al's eyes. It takes a while before he can come up with a response. ]

It's still weird having someone I can trust. I'm not used to that.

Okay. I'll do my best. I'm not sure if I can just turns those emotions back on like I turned them off, but I'll try to get them back. Face up to what I've done.

[ His nod is mechanical, because he's still somewhat floored and unsure about this whole thing. He sniffles once, then seems to regain some of himself. ]

Steph suggested we burn it. That it'd be more like setting him free than putting him in the ground.

Sure, if that would make you happier.

[They only really bury their dead in Amestris, but he can see why burning might feel like a more fitting funeral. He just sees Mustang's flames burning the enemy, though, when he thinks of fire.

He reaches out and sets a hand on his shoulder.]

None of this is going to be easy, but that's okay, we can help each other.

[ Where Al remembers Mustang, Gabriel remembers that he sent off Elle that way. He had to make her death different somehow, and it felt right. Not that he's going to mention that as the reason to Al right now. He's been remarkably open and honest the past few minutes, he needs a bit of a break.

The hand on his shoulder gets Gabriel to look back up at Al, and the words have him nodding. ]

You're the one that actually showed me that works sometimes, you know. I just hope I can help you out when you need it.

You do.

[He wishes he could smile, but it's there in his voice all the same.]

You might think that you don't, but you really do. Having friends nearby is what helps to keep me strong, helps me to see the good when everything else is trying to make me see the bad.

[ Al can't smile, but Gabriel is. Just a little. And he can hear it in Al's voice, anyway. ]

Well, it's good you told me. 'cause I had no idea. Guess that's why you're okay with me hanging around, huh?

[ It had honestly been a little surprising to hear, even now. But there was too much evidence that Al actually wanted him around for him to deny it. He had to be helpful somehow.

So Gabriel looks fairly settled as he pats the jar with the brain in it. ]

I'll go get this dried out. We can enjoy the fire after that's over with.

Yeah--- yeah, okay.

[He doesn't think he'll be enjoying the fire, even for its warmth, if it's being used to burn a brain, but he doesn't say as much.

He just lets Sylar go.]

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[log] Grass is probably green, sky is probably blue [closed]

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cw: suicide attempt

cw: suicide attempt

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