snowblindrpg | [network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

I know. You can- [his voice breaks, but sounds less pained for just one sentence] - you can thank Beckett for that- helping remind me.

[And then it's gone, that extra strength.]

It- it still happened. They're still hurt.

Yeah, it did. But all we can do is move forward from that and try to figure out what happened so that we can stop it happening again. You saw some sort of computer, right? Up on the top floor. Do you remember anything about it, particularly?

Don't remember anything.

[Being helpful about things that aren't his brainwashing itself. He can do that. It's draining, still, like everything else, but it's better than trying again and again to articulate why he can't brush this aside.]

It was too far away to see.

Hmm... but you saw some sort of eye up there. That's what Davesprite said he 'saw' with whatever sense they gave to him in there.

The symbol of the Prophet, painted on the wall. Much larger than the others. Would have tried to take someone up to record, but-...

[His throat closes up. Rhys...]

The fact that you got up there at all is really impressive, Enoch. No one else was able to do that.

Ha... [A humorless attempt at a chuckle.]

I threw myself against the panel.

[Not really impressive or dignified, and he feels as if it accomplished nothing.]

That's a really clever way to get around the programming that was stopping you from pressing the button.

...Perhaps. What good did it do?

[He can't avoid the fact that nobody else thought of it. Except nobody else seemed to bother. Kid had been with him because they'd been trying something else - like everyone, their focus had been on the sinners.]

Gave us more information. Gave us a glimpse of what was going on up there. Now no one can access that building at all. What you brought back might not be much, Enoch, but that doesn't mean it's unimportant. Sometimes the smallest details can tip a case.

It's sealed up again?

[He hasn't been paying attention to the rest, obviously. It takes most of his focus to stay on track with his own conversations.]

It's disappeared. Stephen and Peter are out there investigating. The Admin told Angel the place is under quarantine and it seems to have just... vanished.

It's gone?

[A tense pause. His breathing is notably shaky, edging closer to panic.]

...I should be relieved. No. Can't be that simple.

Quarantine means they're looking into it and trying to fix the problem, Enoch. It's not gone, no. It's just cordoned off to keep it from infecting the rest of the system. But for right now, it's out of sight, out of mind, yeah?

I...I don't think that's possible.

[The whole putting it out of his mind thing, that is. Nothing comes without some kind of catch here.]

Try your best on that, mate. I know it's going to be hard. [John is excellent at suppression. So much so he can have gaps in his memories... probably not what Enoch is looking for. Also unhealthy, but he's not going to mention it.]

They're still hurting...

[He can't just let it go. He can't. Not as long as the people his hands were turned against still see him in their nightmares, not as long as the sound of his voice causes them distress. How could he do that to them even if he knew how?]

And so are you. You'll all be hurting for a long time after this.

I'm still hurting them. Even if I didn't-...

[The way Rhys panicked, the way Billy sounded like he was going to...it's like taking the utter despair the day after their surgeries and pinning it to his heart so it never goes away.]

You can't fix what happened right now, Enoch. I know it hurts. I know. But you did what you could when you could. And you helped get them all out before whatever end that program had in mind. Keeping away from them might be for the best, but keeping away from everyone is going to hurt them in the long-run. We need your help to get out of here.

I know.

[He can't keep away from everyone for being potentially dangerous. He's intensely aware of this, of how hypocritical it would make him. But at the same time, once he retrieves his things from Brian, where should he go? Where can he go to avoid accidentally running into either of them?

And then there's the entirely selfish but very real pain that has its claws sunken deep in his gut, that he may never be able to speak to either of these people again. That they will always hurt. It's a little too much like the utter dread that had gripped him as the days had gone on after Clayton's death without his return, that prelude to the crushing despair of not having been with him.]

I don't know what to do.

Keep going. Do everything you can to get us out faster. That's the best any of us can do to stop this happening again.

Keep going...

[He would like to just say he'll try, really, like he had with Alfie and Billy. But he can't, this time. Too many other thoughts in the way, like the way the door feels like an impossible distance away and the minimal effort it should take to simply sit up isn't actually doing anything.]

I should. I can scarcely will myself to move.

Don't do it for yourself right now, then. Do it for the other people here, right? Let them motivate you and drag you forward until you can do it yourself, Enoch. I believe in you. I know this is... it's an impossible situation. It's a horrible one. But your depression is making it worse. You'll want to make sure you're still taking it. Or... are you out? I can put in another prescription.

The medicine... I was separated from my things when I died.

[And thinking of it makes him uneasy. He doesn't know how to put it into words. He's just so tired. Maddeningly enough, not in a way that is conducive to sleep.

He'd probably just have nightmares anyway.]

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