snowblindrpg | [network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

[network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

The fuck is going on?

[He sounds exhausted, as per usual, and his voice is hoarse and raw - he's been doing a lot of non-stop talking these past few days, trying to keep Royce engaged.]

Right - the lot of you, sound off. What happened, and what needs to be done?

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[Alfie please.]

H-helping when we could was important. Their predicament was a direct result of...us. Me.

Don't be fucking ridiculous. It was a direct result of Norfinbury.

Through my hands.

Norfinbury maybe...but my hands.

Yeah. Your hands.

If you want to make up for the wrong your hands have done, come to terms with it and use them for something good.

I know, but... [Kid sniffs, anxiety roiling in his stomach.]

...but if it happens again? When it happens again? [Kid had been on the other side for murder night, but he remembers vividly how those with the drawn scribbles of the Prophet eyes had been entirely brainwashed themselves.

His voice, already hoarse and scratchy, breaks.] What then?

Then you fight. Again.

[Alfie, he's just not sure that he can.

But instead of admitting that to the gangster, he chooses something else.] Apologizing is not enough. But...that's all that there is.

There's going on, as well. You do that, Kid.

[John can intimately relate to conducting a horrifying surgery that he didn't realize at the time would end horribly. He can still see Stein's bloody bolt lying next to the man's prone form, blood covering his hands.]

Kid, this is not on you. Don't think for a moment that it is. This is on the Prophet's cult. You and the others got those prisoners out of the building. I dunno what might have happened, but you did that. You fought through the mind-control. I'm so proud that you were able to do that. It was horrible. You can't ever take back what happened, but when you were in your right mind, when you were yourself, you fought tooth and nail. You pulled through and helped to rescue those people.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you need to hold that in your head. When you were you, you did something good.

[John Watson is probably the only person left in Norfinbury that Kid feels like he even remotely trusts, and the fact that he knows about this catastrophe of an event is enough to leave Kid silent for a few moments before he can answer.

Also, to be fair, Stein had asked for his procedure.]

I just...tortured them, Dr. Watson. They kept begging me to stop and I ignored them or worse-- [If you will not be quiet I will make you quiet myself! echoes in his ears, painfully loud.] --even when we could help them get out the only reason I didn't follow was because I couldn't.

I saw what happened, Kid. And all of use saw you all fighting to fix what you'd done. If this had been me, if I'd been the one performing those surgeries, torturing people against my own will, what would you tell me?

I don't know. I don't-- [What would he say? It wasn't you sounds hollow. It sounds fake. It sounds like a lie, and as he wraps his hands over his ears he realizes why that is.]

Behavior like this at home would be punished with death! The willful neglect or taking of human life is an unforgivable sin.

Behavior like this wouldn't happen at home, Kid, because you're not filled up with nanomachines that someone can hack into and use to control you there.

But if it's the nanomachines, what do we do?

[A part of him knows this isn't a fair question. John won't have an answer and it's not fair for him to look for one. But here they are and Kid's asking for it anyway.]

We get you and everyone else out of here just as fast as we can and work through it when they try to control us, support each other, and recognize that this is something that could happen to any of us.

[It's fairly quiet on Kid's side of the line, until John can hear sniffling. Tears.]

I'll do my best.

[The worst part is that he knows he won't. He won't because he can't. He can't do it anymore. But he has to tell Watson that he will--the doctor worries about him incessantly. All of the time. He need not make things worse.]

That's all anyone can ask of you, Kid, and try to remember that your 'best' isn't going to be the same from day-to-day or hour-to-hour. If you need to, just come back to this message to remind yourself, okay?

[He's not sure he can. He hurt people. He broke people, all his fault, all his fault. He can't do it anymore.

But Watson needs to believe that he can. He has to stop the sobs long enough to convince him, to say that he at least understands. That if this were to happen again they'll work together again.

Choking through the tears:] Mm-- [He has to stop to catch his breath, to try and settle himself enough that he can make sound.] Mmhm. I will.

[He won't. He'll never look at this message again.]

Kid... [John can tell he's just saying what he wants to hear at this point.] I'll check in with you in a few days, okay? I'll remind you of all of this then.

[He's nodding at the camera, but Kid doesn't want to hear from Watson again. Not about this. Just thinking about him calling to encourage him makes him feel ill.] Mmhm.

Bye, Dr. Watson. [After that, Kid hangs up. If Watson were to call again, he won't answer.]

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[network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

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cw: references to surgery, blood

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@jwatson; audio; cw: references to surgery, blood

@kid, audio; cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

Re: cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture

cw: references to surgery, blood, torture