snowblindrpg | Day 230 audio; @dreamsnhonor [cw: anomaly body horror]

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Day 230 audio; @dreamsnhonor [cw: anomaly body horror]

Hey, Zack here. So, Enoch mentioned this earlier about our anomaly buddies coming around again.

Thing is... there's something off about all of this. Not only is the one that's been following me different?
But Zell and Kuns have been telling me they see 'em like a mess of something or other. You know, your typical anomalies. But for me and Jim, it's different. The anomalies almost look like someone we know. Just faceless.

[ It would have sounded crazy maybe six months ago. But right then, if anything, Zack just sounds tired as he makes note of that. That's before the video comes on to capture one of the anomalies in question. To those who've had their lights stolen, the anomaly looks like a young lady in her mid-teens. Innocent looking enough, right? Well- expect her face is gone as he mentioned.

Those who haven't had their light stolen will see something more akin to the Norfinbury flavored expectation. An oversized flower curls and spins, the leaves that remain with it red and curled almost like a bow behind it. The creature crawls along on multiple lithe hands with eyes running down the sides of them. They look worse and worse for wear the further down you look, black and cold with frost bite though only iced over with a blue hue. Sometimes Occasionally, the flower opens wide enough to reveal its center to be a mouth lined with tiny, sharp barbs for teeth. Typically when it seems to get off balance which also reveals what at first looks like to be a long braid behind it to be a set of roots that uncoil from one another and help balance it out.

Zack flicks the video back off with a frown. ]

I feel like we should do a tally of who's seeing what and maybe then we can figure things out from there. So, shoot me a message and let me know what you see. And if you have any theories, I'd like to hear 'em right about now.

[ He's just about to cut it off there when one last thought- if not a slightly distracted sounding one -occurs to him. ]

I'm also attaching an updated list of those who've been discovered and identified in the morgues, too. You can thank Davesprite for the help.

[ An attachment can be found along with this message. ]

( ooc: Durp. Slight edit in the brackets due to a reading error. This is why you don't read the new plot in the middle of the night. )

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[Another nervous glance back. The anomalies have been at their heels all day, but Beckett hasn't gotten used to their presence. He doesn't think anyone could. He means to give a quick answer - it's a yes or no question, after all - but the creature beats him.

A woman's voice carries through, thin, wailing, gnashing, desperate.]

Damn you, Beckett, you left me to the darkness!

[ There's a very long pause from Zack's end. A very.. very long one Maybe it's from the very sight of how uneasy Beckett is. Or maybe it's the shrill shout that could rattle through anyone's bones. But whatever it is, Zack does eventually get back to him. ]

...Well, that answers that question. [ There's nothing antagonizing to the statement at least. Nothing sharp and condescending. Everyone has their own demons. That Beckett would have his own comes as no surprise though what those demons may be, Zack has to wonder. But he bites his tongue. ]

What about the others you're with?

[He isn't about to nurse defensiveness or smarting pride over this. Beckett merely nods. What right does he have to try and keep anything the creature says a secret? It's all true, even if he knows it isn't truly the woman herself flinging that deserved abuse at him. To deny it is an injustice to her dead memory, too like the injustice he'd done her in life.

He sounds weary as he continues, in the level deadpan of someone who is too obviously putting distance between himself and his own words.] All the same as myself. They see twisted versions of ones they used to know, and the litany is similar, if different in detail. I'd very much like to know if the faceless ones speak, especially if there is any correlation with the possession or absence of lights.

[ True or not, it's not like any of them have any control over it either way. Maybe in a way, that's the only blessing between this truce. Or maybe Zack's just too tired to bother taking digs as well. It's hard to say. What isn't is the scratch of pencil to paper again before there's the creak of something as Zack leans back where he is. ]

Well, if I hear from enough people, I ought'a be able to figure things out from there. [ Hopefully anyway. If there's no correlation to anything, then there they are with another dead lead. ]

Did you turn into one, too? Or were you still you? And what about them?

I hadn't exactly pegged you as the analytic type. [Oh, it's weak. Possibly he shouldn't be trying to snark right now, even in an attempt to mimic something like normality. A part of him halfway expects Zack to appreciate the effort he's making there. Just play it by the usual rules, go through the motions, etc.]

Nevertheless. I was still myself throughout everything. Angel and Rhys were changed, but currently, their experience is exactly like mine, which suggests that there is no correlation there at least. Do you know what "correlation" means?

[Trying so hard.]

[ It's really weak. Enough for Zack to just stare flatly at his tablet. Usually, the ensuing barbs would be enough to get Zack to snap back by this point if he were to bother thinking back on previous petty conversations. Maybe a part of him even wants that. Some way to let off steam and take this whole damn place out on someone. It sure as hell doesn't stop Zack from shooting back anyway. ]

What, you need me to define it for you? And here I thought you were the type to use big words you actually knew.

[ He huffs it out. ] So, you weren't one of those anomalies but they were, but they see what's following them more like monsters, too. That rules out even more the whole "if you see 'em as anomalies, you were one, too" theory.

They lose their lights or take any?

[Beckett almost smirks. Almost in congratulations. He wouldn't be caught dead actually showing it, of course, but... good on Zack, rising to that bait, better than he'd expected even. It makes the ground under his feet feel a little more solid.]

Usually. I try to keep them at two or less syllables for you. Since I'm so kind.

[God, that was terrible. Any moment and someone might accuse him of actually bantering with Zack rather than trading insults. He'll have to see about this underperformance, though perhaps when they are done talking shop.

Not that he has much to add now. His jaw tightens faintly.] I... don't know. You should ask them yourself. Whatever they did when transformed, I was not privy to it, and it is their tale to tell.

Fair enough. Maybe I'll give them a ring then. [ It would be a pretty dick move to just go and tell anyone anything if it's sensitive information. And for as much of a dick as Beckett can be, even Zack can't see him going around spilling that. Still feels a little bit weird, but maybe it's because Al was concerned of the similar and the thought of Beckett having morals like Al is... well, it's weird, alright? ]

By the way, I'm pretty sure there were a few three syllable words there at least. Someone sure is losing their touch.

[ This is definitely looking more like bantering. That was weak, too. But still makes a point. Soldier boy's not as dumb as you think, Beckett. ]

Be polite about it. [Dear lord that may be the number one most hypocritical statement in the unlife of this asshole who all but yelled at a kid to go get himself possessed one time. You don't have to tell him, Zack. He knows he has double standards when it comes to his own. But he does what he can for them, especially since what he can is very little.

He scoffs at this - whatever it is. Well, hell. Let it be banter then, since who is either of them even fooling? The monsters chasing them down?]

Or maybe someone is not as kind as you think.

[ The "polite" comment's definitely enough to get a huff out of him. Because seriously, Beckett. Hypocritical statement is an understatement there. Just as well in this weird conversation gone weirder and Zack actually laughs briefly if not a bit hollowly at the latter. ]

Now, that's giving someone way too much credit. 'cause the thing is I never thought they were kind in the first place. Now, bitter? I can go with bitter.

[Well, that puts a wrench in it. Beckett's face is impassive - vampire control - but there are the faint lines of a scowl at the corners of his mouth. Bitter. Yes. He knows it and he admits it sure enough, but he doesn't always like to think about it. He doesn't like to see himself as bitter, with all that implies about failure and regret. Sometimes he wears it like armour. And then sometimes - now - it just gets too heavy.]

An unfortunate side effect of having a clear view of reality as it is, rather than through a rosy cloud of dreams and honour.

Now, you just sound jealous.

[ A clear view of reality? More a dark view in his eyes. Not that Norfinbury exactly helps the case of "dreams and honor". But letting it seep into his soul, letting it overtake him... That wouldn't do anyone much good, would it. Or so he'll keep telling himself. So, he'll keep arguing with himself and convincing himself over and over despite all the nightmares they've faced and his hollowing cheeks and his sunken eyes and the way his belly grumbles, distinctly underfed. ]

But for the record? There's a difference between really thinking that way and knowing things are shit but wanting to make the best of 'em. And if you really wanna get down to it, this goes back to that whole half glass of water analogy.

[Perhaps he is a little jealous.

No, perhaps not that. But if Zack is implying inaction, total despair, then he resents that. It calls up things he's been accused of before. Things he's - he glances over his shoulder again, though the anomaly following him is now out of sight. But he can hear her voice clearly in his head, her true voice. What are you going to do about it? And he had said...

One corner of his lips curls up in half a snarl.] I am working just as hard as anyone here, harder than some, to find the answers and get you back out. You, because I have nowhere to go back to. So don't tell me I should be a frolicking optimist, Fair, because some day your optimism will run out, and then you will wish you had learned how to go on without it.

[ So, that's what it comes down to.

Every mean bone in his body, for every moment in which Beckett's come to him with teeth bared- once even literally, would almost tip him over to say something rude. To be a smartass. But it hits too close to home. Too much into everything he's been trying to fight back against. Something that can't be fought back if it's true. Zack still clutches tightly to his tablet, but he doesn't hang up. Not yet.

But there's something somber to his voice. Something darker than usual. ]

That might make the two of us then. Imagine that. Us actually having something in common.

Imagine that, [he snaps off at first, not really listening as his temper flares. The truth is - it's not a pleasant truth - that often as not he relishes these moments of genuine anger, because they are sharp and clear and vivid and he feels very much himself. But he also knows it to be the unraveling that he is always fighting against. He breathes in, and gives Zack a miserable look, dark echoing dark.]

I won't convince you, you won't convince me. What do you want, other than to prop up your worldview at the expense of my frustration?

[ He hears that temper flare. He expects it at this point. Since when do they ever have a conversation that doesn't eventually lead down a sour road? It's always been them. Sometimes just milder than others. But beyond the anger, there's something else. Something raw and cold- but truthful and Zack can't deny it.

But that wasn't the point anyway. ]

It's not a matter of convincing or not convincing. It's just as I said- something in common. 'cause good chances neither of us have anything past this, but we're both still trying to find a way out for those who can.

[ There's a pause and maybe he's about to leave it at that. But of course, Zack wouldn't, even if his tone hasn't exactly changed. Still a bit too somber for him perhaps but it is what it is. ] 'course, if you actually didn't care or didn't have any kind'a hope left for 'em, you would have given up on 'em a long time ago. But you haven't either, have you.

It is patently not your business why I do what I do, and who I do or don't care about. [Which is as good as a confession, damnit, he used to be much better at this - all right, not much better, because he had never been one bit the manipulator too many of his kind are. But more honest about where he was and wasn't involved, at least. This is him ground down to the bone again. Now Zack is trying to find commonality and he doesn't want it, doesn't see it, he is doing nothing heroic by rising over the pathetically low bar set by the last time someone called on him for help.

It's only when he's fallen silent again that the other shoe drops about what Zack had said.]

You don't have something to - what?

[ Oh, that's definitely a confession. A confession that actually.. kinda of quiets him, almost perplexed at that answer. Maybe a small part of him would almost be pleased to have gotten under his skin as much as he had if he weren't so damn tired of all this shit, too.

Or maybe it's the very fact that he cares to question the latter that holds Zack to silence. That keeps his lips sealed for a bit long than his once so cocky, surefire trend of speech would have him running his mouth a year or so ago without thinking. Maybe when Zack looks back, he'll regret admitting this. But it's not as if they don't already know by this point. Not like Beckett would suddenly have dirt on him to use against him if he did tell the others. ]

I'm good as dead back home. If I'm not endin' up part of the Lifestream like I'm pretty sure I will, then I'm gonna have an army lickin' at my heels for the rest of my life 'til I am. ShinRa doesn't take kindly to anyone that'd jeopardize their reputation in any way. So, if it's what I suspect and we all go back to where we came from, I'm in the same boat as you.

[He wouldn't be interested in dirt even if. Not on Zack, who just isn't subtle enough to justify these kind of dealings. Not in Norfinbury, either way. But getting one confession for another still makes him feel - certainly not better in the traditional sense of the word, but more balanced, and a little calmer for it. True anger cracks and scatters and is replaced by a weary indignation, and the cold quiet nausea that always pushes at the pit of his stomach when he considers what he does not have to go back to. Most of the time he tries not to think about it. Most of the time he has to actively try because he does anyway. It's a constant, like a compass point, like the search used to be.]

We're in nothing like the same boat. [He sounds just tired now.] As you say, you may not even be dead, and even if you are I'm sure it's for something your little friends all consider some good cause. My world is dead and all the causes are over. Do you want to take another crack at optimism with me? Really?

[Because if you can manage it, he might just forgive you everything else.]

[ Zack just has to take a moment to balk. To just- listen again to make sure he's heard right. He's heard of people coming back there that weren't supposed to be anymore. Him- Tadashi- and no doubt in his mind, there are others, too. But that's people. A whole world> That's on another scale entirely. One he's never imagined before.

And one he wishes he didn't have to right there and then. But it's there now, plain as day to see. Beckett's shrewd and cold and sarcastic. He's a lot of nasty things. But- apparently not without reason. ]

...Well, it sure as hell explains a lot.

[ His voice touches down almost too oddly soft. It might never excuse him for the things he's done in the past, but it explains things. Another long pause comes and goes. And a part of him wonders to- ]

..How? How did some world just- blink out like that?

[ The question's blurted out before he stops himself, something between thinking aloud and honestly asking. ]

Doesn't it just. [A brief flare, and he's out again. Can't maintain anger when it comes to this. He doesn't like being explained away, mind - he wonders if he should point out to Zack that he was a pessimistic, sarcastic ass long before the apocalypse, but is forced to admit that that would be missing the point. He knows what a wreck he is. He knows he's deflecting, projecting, lashing out, everything. However much he doesn't like to think about it, he knows.

He also knows he's been using Zack as an easy target. And while it may not make him any more inclined to get along with the man, it does make him feel ashamed of his own conduct, for his own sake. Not exactly being fair, was he.]

It's not - [The thought of explaining Gehenna to Zack is a straining one. But he feels it's owed, somehow, and grits his teeth through it.] It's a long story. But - in a nutshell, ancient beings of divine power have awakened to wreak what is very possibly divine vengeance on vampirekind, while destroying everything else. The world may still be there, in the technical, physical sense, but my Kindred are not, and most likely all civilization as we know it is not, either. When I first woke up here... I thought I was looking at what was left.

[ Not exactly being fair at all. But then he's far from Fair anyway, isn't he. They're polar opposites. They always have been and always will be. But Zack can at least understand one thing mutually with him and that is loss.

He just.. never expected Beckett's loss to be so astronomically awful. It's enough for Zack to just go.. quiet for a time. Because Zack might have lost his life- but that had been out of his choice in the end, hadn't it. Something he had accepted at the time. Something he had chosen to live- and well, die with. And he'd left knowing that at least. At least at the time, Cloud was awake and aware again. He'd fulfilled that intent of protecting him. Aerith had written to him- he'd know she was safe. Cissnei had made him aware that his parents were okay, too. And Kunsel- Kunsel was smart. He wouldn't have made an early grave for himself unless he'd had some way to help Zack. And it'd been too late for that.

All had been well.

Not the same. Far from that with Beckett and he sits there, sucking in another breath. Releasing it shakily. ] Shit, Beckett, I'm...

[ Sorry? Should he say he's sorry? He's never been one for pity. How many times has he lashed out for it? So, Zack shakes his head again, rerouting the thought. ] ..So, it's probably all gone back there. No wonder why..

[No wonder why Beckett is such a bitter old man? It's so, in fact, the opposite of how he is used to thinking of himself. Contrary, yes, sarcastic, even cynical, but not bitter. Searching for truth may look like it has to involve eschewing idealism, but, Beckett thinks, there has always been this grand, ridiculous hope in the quest - the hope that things can make sense of looked into deep and long enough. But now he's here seeing himself, suddenly, eerily, in Zack's response to him. Like a too-clear mirror.

It's an ugly picture. Bitter. Old.]

So now you know. [They're empty words, he says them more out of the tired sense that something should be said, than out of any urge to communicate. If only he could have found some petty pleasure, at least, in finally getting to Zack proper. Shutting him up. There is no such pleasure. He hasn't won.]

I hope you have cause for optimism about your own situation. I genuinely do. Dying for something noble is all well and good, but... living would have been better.

Living.. would be something better, yeah. [ He breathes it out, some tension releasing from his voice. An honesty he's shared before but one he doesn't speak all too often. Not with the weight of what truly could be at the end of all this. Then, he finds himself shaking his head. ]

But if you want me to be honest? I don't think I'd change what I did, even if I could do it over. But living again- getting more time... The situation's gruesome, but I'll take it. I'll take it if it means I can have this just for now. I don't know if I'd necessarily call it optimism and I can't say it's lucky, but it's something.

[ Something harsh and weighted again. But more than he would have ever had before. There's another short pause before he adds slowly: ] ..Would you go somewhere else? To a different world if you had the choice? I know it would never be the same, but...

[ There are people here from different places. Places that haven't fallen apart or been wiped out. ]

[It's something, Zack says and for once - for once - Beckett feels something in him steer and draw itself up in agreement. He doesn't call it optimism, but he knows the urge with frightening, liberating ferocity. Survive, survive. It is an animal urge and he has come to cherish it, more than any love or cause or any human reason just to stay alive.

For once, he feels like he understands the other man, and doesn't mind it if Zack also understands him.]

I thought I wouldn't, once. [He answers with level honesty. Even if the man he is speaking with doesn't all merit it - he still refuses to commit on this point - then the subject does, the question and the answer.] Now... I think, whether I want to or not, I should. I need to. I want to live - and live better than I have before. I want to do it right.

[Maybe there is the key difference between them: whether they would have changed what they did.]

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heroproceeding - 2017-08-22 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

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Day 230 audio; @dreamsnhonor [cw: anomaly body horror]

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> private;

private;

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WELL SHIT. I thought I responded to this, but I guess I just linked it back then.

BACKTAGS INTO THE INFINITE

AND BEYOND

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