snowblindrpg | [network] @featherydouche; video; unsafe medical experiments for fun and profit; morning 190 [open]

[No text today! Instead, the viewers of Norfinbury get a video showing a weird orange bird guy filmed from inside a house. In addition to the shades, behind which a faint orange glow is visible, he's got on the standard peacoat people receive here. It's the same violent shade of orange as the rest of him.]

Hey. A bunch of you already know by now, but the name's Davesprite, and I'm this thing called a sprite and I'm part crow.

[He caws demonstratively.]

But I'm posting this because House and I just did some experiments about the whole nonhuman thing yesterday. See, some people were positing that maybe I only look weird because of distorted perceptions and junk, so we wanted to test basically if I'm the way I should be or not.

Thing one, I've got a hole through the middle of my chest where my sword used to go, because sprites are weird. Don't worry about it. Watson told me how normal objects found here go right through anomalies, but stuff coated in rubble dust hits them. So he and Sherlock wanted me to try to stick some rubble in my sword hole. Spoilers, it worked.

Thing two, my blood's bright yellow like somebody cracked a glowstick open, and it doesn't look like a human's under a microscope. Since the admin said my bloodtype's been "adjusted", House wanted to inject some of it into himself to see if he could. And that worked too.

If you want to go and lecture us about how that was dangerous and stupid and we could have gotten ourselves killed: Yeah, I know, but too late. Sometimes you gotta be stupid to get science done. And now we've confirmed that looking nonhuman is still real and not just some illusion cast on our senses via the nanomachines, and that regular humans can accept "adjusted" blood with the right type.

Thing three's got nothing to do with the experiments, but House wanted me to share that he found an SD card back on day 183 with Andromeda and Winter talking some more. If you saw the post I made about the card I found a while back, the one where they were talking about the cult? It sounds like this one relates to that.

[Here at the end Davesprite links a few files. First are video recordings of him and House performing the experiments described above. His blood in the relevant experiment is indeed a yellow as he said and slightly luminescent. Along with this he includes a couple photos of his blood taken under a microscope. The blood cells aren't human or avian, but a shape that looks somewhere between both.]

[Next, he includes the audio file of Winter and Andromeda talking.]

(OOC: Replies may come from either Davesprite or House!)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Look, dude, that's what it's called. Birds got ruffs. It's the neck feathers. You saw them, didn't you?

Yeah, I saw them, thanks. Do you puff up when you're pissed off?

Nope.

[Yes.]

Too bad.

[Cassel is a jerk. Sorry, Davesprite.]

Anyway, don't worry about the feathers. Orange isn't my color anyway.

Orange is nobody's color. It ain't even my color, but ever since I jumped into that kernel I've been stuck with it like a fine coating of dorito dust. I'm a neon beacon wherever I go with none of the artificial flavor to make up for it.

Spicy nacho or the regular kind?

I'm those 3D ones from the '90s, jalapeño and cheddar flavor. Spicy retro.

I'm cool ranch, the better option.

What kind of sad, broken person do you have to be to take the non-cheese option for something that markets itself as cheesy nacho chips?

Have you ever had real cheese? Doritos don't taste like cheese at all. Why pretend?

It's the spirit of the thing, Cassel. Regular doritos at least pretend. What kind of weirdo puts ranch on a nacho?

Americans love ranch. What are you, a communist?

I cry a river every single day for the most patriotic ghost of our last president, Barack Obama. What have you done for your country but eat chips flavored like salad dressing?

[He's almost tempted to make an awkward joke about working for the feds here, but.]

The only boxers I own are American flag print, and Obama isn't dead.

He is on my Earth. Would you keep praying to him to uphold the spirit of democracy if he died where you're from? He ain't here and this city's been overtaken by some heathen socialist distribution scheme run by spiders. It's un-American, Cassel, and even if I had feet I wouldn't stand for it.

You don't have—

[Okay, whatever.]

You're a crow, not an eagle. Seems to me like you're patriotically overcompensating for something.

Everybody knows eagles are made from only the most patriotic of avian kind. It's like when an angel gets its wings, Cassel. Keep racking up points and eventually Barack himself comes down and blesses you with the beautiful bald head of America's truest symbol of freedom.

And let me guess. You've been waiting for that day in quivering anticipation your whole life?

Do you seriously need to ask? You know ever since I joined in union with this crow that I've been dreaming of that day.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's less about your undying love for Barack Obama and more about the fact that crows suck.

Woah, excuse you, dude. You want to back up on the bird racism?

Come on, can you honestly say anyone would want to be a crow instead of an eagle?

If there was a dead bald eagle on my rooftop I'd have to turn myself in to the FBI, Cassel. Sburb is cancelled, I'm felon now and my American citizenship has been stripped for life.

'You want to explain to me how the raw feathery spirit of our country wound up dead at your home, boy?'

Listen, Mister Agent, I was going to revive it in this glowy orb like new again—

'Not good enough, son. No true patriot lets America die on their doorstop.'

Besides, the crow was already in there when I went back.

You... definitely lost me, dude.

Okay, long story short.

Sburb was a game we played. In Sburb a player makes a sprite to act as their guide to the game by putting stuff in this thing called a kernel. There was a dead crow on my roof, so my sever player put it in there because she felt bad for it. I put something dumb in later, but my timeline went screwy and also I'm a time traveler, so later I hopped back to fix something and decided to prototype myself as the second part of the sprite instead.

You follow now?

(no subject)

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