snowblindrpg | [log] we do everything together[closed]

Entry tags:

[log] we do everything together[closed]

Characters: Caboose and his bestest best bestfriend, Church! They are best friends!!!
Location: Building 11 and immediate surroundings
Date: Morning 168
Summary: Caboose is reunited with his best friend ever. Church hates his stupid fucking life.
Warnings: Pool noodles. will add if necessary ok good

[ As its unfortunate residents know, Norfinbury is host to some pretty odd sights. Anomalies. Physical manifestations of static. Spooky ghosts. Clown house. The town isn't exactly light on Weird Shit™.

Which means that Caboose fits right in as he trudges through the snow. Clad in a too-small sweater emblazoned with "I ♥ NEW YORK" and his helmet (adorned with two carefully-applied streaks of sunblock), he looks pretty fucking bizarre.

And that's not even touching on the way he's dragging an assault rifle on the end of a pet leash.

The assault rifle is wearing a sombrero.

He cuts a very noticable figure as he makes his way through the snow, so it's also very noticable when he suddenly disappears. One moment he's there, and the next - nothing. No Caboose. Only a trail of footprints, a discarded sombrero, and a very deep hole in the snow. Too deep. Almost like there's an empty pool buried under the snow and someone very unfortunate indeed has fallen straight into it.

BUT HEY WHAT ARE THE CHANCES RIGHT

AND WHO CARES

FREE SOMBRERO ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[So the last week or so has sucked for Church. Like really, really sucked. And considering that his entire life is nothing but a neverending parade of suck, that's saying a lot.

Taking that, and his increasingly fragile state of mind, into account, it's kind of amazing that he even notices the hole. It would be all too easy for him to just miss it and walk by and leave Caboose there to his snowy doom.

Thank god for that sombrero.

Church pauses to stare at the sombrero for a while. Then to stare at the hole. Then the sombrero again.

Then, very gingerly and taking care not to fall in himself, he approaches the hole.]

...Hello?

[ For a moment, there's no response. and then -- ]

HOSTILE LIFEFORM DETECTED.

[ The voice that comes from the hole is muffled, robotic, and followed by a burst of confetti. FESTIVE. ]

Caboose did your robot dog just try to kill me.

[ There is a longass silence. ]

[ Like, really long. ]

[ He's probably suffocating down there WHAT IF HE'S ALREADY DEAD ]

Tucker did it.

[ Okay no it's business as usual. The sides of the hole crumble slightly, and after a considerable amount of wriggling a blue helmet pops up above the snow. ]

CHURCH!!

[The thought that Caboose might have already died does cross Church's mind. He starts fretting a little, then quite a bit, and he's already kneeling down by the hole in preparation to try digging into it when that stupid outdated helmet appears.]

Hi.

[Okay yeah why was he even worried.]

Church! I found you! I have missed you so much and I was looking for you every day but you were not under any of the couches. Or in any of the boxes. Or in this hole. Because you were here! All this time! And now I am also here and I have so many emotions about everything!

[ WRIGGLE WRIGGLE. Unfortunately, the wriggling just seems to be caving the sides of the hole in more. Caboose seems. Pretty stuck.

He also doesn't seem to upset about it. Because! Church! Is here! CHURCH!!! ]

Yeah, yeah. I'm amazing, you're an idiot, same old story.

[He backs away a little because jesus christ at this rate they'll both get stuck in there.]

This. Might be a problem.

Our friendship could never be a problem, Church. It is a beautiful gift! From the world! To us! Because we are best friwhere is your helmet.

[ LOOK HOW MUCH SMARTER HE'S GOTTEN, CHURCH

IT DIDN'T TAKE HIM LIKE AN HOUR TO NOTICE AND HE'S ONLY IGNORING ONE IMMINENT DEATH THREAT IN FAVOUR OF ASKING ABOUT IT ]

I didn't get to keep it because the admin is an unfair bitch.

[Caboose gets to keep his stupid dumb helmet and some people get to keep their entire stupid ancient-ass suits of armour and Church gets nothing and it's bullshit!!]

Stay still, I'm gonna find some way to help you up.

[And he gets up, wandering back into the house.]

Okay, Church.

[ He's quiet for like. Five seconds. If that. ]

Are you going to the store? Because I would like some potato chips. As well as... the rescue.

Church.

Church do you want to borrow my helmet.

Church did you know I am your best friend.

Church.

Chuurrrrrrrcccccccccchhhhhh.

[He's gone for a while. Longer than really necessary because fuck this fuck everything fuck his life.

Then eventually he returns, armed with a pool noodle. A blue one. Because it is obviously superior to the red ones.]

Okay, let's see if this works. Grab a hold, I'm gonna try to pull you up.

[And he's throwing Caboose one end of the noodle.

This is probably not going to end well.]

Okay, Church!

[ For a moment, he doesn't move. Because arms. Stuck. It's a problem.

And then - ]

Freckles, I am going to need you to give me... a boost.

[ Which Freckles apparently interprets as "shoot confetti until the recoil frees my arm. Then shoot more confetti. At Church. Even after I let go and grab the pool noodle. ENDLESS CONFETTI." ]

What now!

[Why is there so much confetti. Why does Caboose have a talking gun that fires confetti. WHY IS SHOOTING AT CHURCH ALWAYS A THING FOREVER. These questions and more will remain unanswered because Church doesn't actually really want to know the answers.

As for what now, he pulls on the noodle as hard as he can to try and pull Caboose out. Which probably won't work out so great because Church is malnourished on top of not being very strong while Caboose is a lot bigger and heavier than him and also stuck in the snow and also pool noodles just don't make for very good ropes.]

[ It. Helps a little. Caboose's shoulders come free, and with some more wiggling he's able to pull his other arm loose too, but then he just kind of. Stares expectantly at Church. As much as someone wearing a helmet can, anyway. ]

Oh! Oh, I know! You should tie it to me so you can pull better!! Maybe around my neck.

[ pool noose-dle ]

I'm. Pretty sure that's not gonna work.

[For so many reasons.

Shit, this is going to take some creativity, isn't it. Too bad Church literally has none.]

Oh.

This would be a lot easier if we had a tank. Somebody should ask the admin lady!! And then maybe we will find one, in a house, and I will not die in the snow.

[ Not that he sounds too fussed about the last part. He's too busy scooping up a handful of snow as a snack. ]

[ Also when he takes his helmet off to eat it he's wearing sunglasses, that's a thing ]

Caboose, don't eat the snow. It's not good for you.

[Having a tank really would help, though. Or, like. More people. If Tex was here okay wow no thinking about Tex is not a thing that is happening.]

Can you. I dunno, try to dig yourself out?

[ B-but he's hungry. He can only process one thought at a time, though, so DIG YOURSELF OUT, FUCKO is the one that dominates.

I can try, if you find me a spade. Or a shovel. Or... a giant drill.

Or I could just climb out, it seems like maybe that... would be the easiest.

[ And he does. He just fucking hauls himself out of the hole like it's nothing. Look at him lOOK AT THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE. ]

Like that.

I fucking hate you.

Church!!

[ Caboose is so fucking excited. If he had a tail, he would be chasing it. Church! Is! Here! And nobody is dead or stuck in a hole! And what was that about the hating because he didn't hear anything!!!!!

But wait. He has an important mission. Running in small circles around Church can happen later. ]

I brought you a sponge!

[ AND HERE IT IS

SLIGHTLY GRUBBY AND WITH A GREEN SCOURER ON ONE SIDE

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL ]

[Church opens his mouth to say something mean or sarcastic or maybe vaguely even relieved that Caboose is not dead.

But then he sees it.

The sponge.

He grabs the sponge out of Caboose's hand, clinging to it and feeling happy and relieved and annoyed and ridiculous as fuck all at the same time. It's a lot of feelings.]

I, uh. Thanks, man.

You are welcome! Oh my god Church you have to meet Freckles. Freckles!

[ SO. EXCITED. He grabs the rifle from the snowy ground, slaps the discarded sombrero back on it, and shoves it in Church's face.

Let me repeat that. Caboose. Is holding a rifle. In Church's face. ]

Say hi, Freckles!!

[ Would confetti to the face dampen those positive sponge feels, church

because

yeah ]

[THAT. SURE IS A RIFLE IN HIS FACE. FIRING CONFETTI AT HIM.]

Caboose. Remember that time we talked about gun safety? You know, how you don't point your gun straight in someone's face? And definitely don't pull the trigger?

[Church you're from a machinima you point your gun in people's faces all the time]

I didn't do it.

[ The. Trigger part, anyway. ]

Bad Freckles. Church is our friend! Our best friend forever who will never leave our side ever again. Right, Church?

[ RIGHT, CHURCH

RIGHT

ANSWER THE MAN AND HIS JEALOUS SENTIENT GUN ]

[THIS WOULD BE A LOT MORE INTIMIDATING IF THE JEALOUS SENTIENT GUN HAD BULLETS IN IT.]

Hi, Freckles.

[ The only response is a gentle fweeeeee as another colourful puff of confetti is sprinkled in Church's face. CONFETTI BUKKAKE JOKE GOES HERE.

That seems to satisfy Caboose, though. Or he just got distracted enough to not care that Best Robot Friend isn't playing nice with Best Friend: Original Alpha Edition. Who knows. ]

This is going to be such a fun time. We should have a party! With food.

[SIGH. Church can tell this is something he's just going to have to get used to. A Caboose Thing. Because there weren't enough of those before.]

That's actually not a bad idea, I'm getting hungry. Come on, let's get inside.

[And he's turning to head to the house again. Still dragging the pool noodle along because why the fuck not.]

Do we have sandwiches. Or ice cream. Because those are both things that would be better to eat than the things that were in my bag that I ate already. Is this your base? And!! Are the nice pokemon lady and the man who told me about the sponges here? Are they Blues now.

[ did church miss the aimless burbling chatter

BECAUSE IT'S TIME TO CATCH UP ON THAT ]

No, no, and shut the fuck up that's stupid.

[HE DID NOT MISS THE CHATTER. Fortunately he's gotten pretty good at just tuning it out, though.]

Oh. Does that mean we are the only Blues? Because we should call command, and ask them to send more, and also maybe some sponges. Maybe blue sponges. Or we could ask the admin lady! There are just - there are not enough people here.

[ reminder that this is the first time he's come across anyone since getting here

THIS POOR BOY ]

[EXASPERATED SIGH]

There aren't any other Blues, and there's no command, and admin's not going to give us anything because she's a bitch. No one's gonna help us, and it's probably for the best because even if we did get more people here they'd just die.

[You'd think that Church would have sympathy for the loneliness thing, considering all the time he's had to spend in isolation himself.

BUT NAH HE'S AN ASSHOLE.]

She gave me the sponge. Which means that maybe, she is not as mean of a mean lady as you think, and maybe she will send us some Blues, or Tex, or Agent Washington, but not Tucker because we do not need him when we already have each other.

[ MAYBE SHE WILL SEND ANOTHER CHURCH

OH BOY ]

[SORRY WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT TEX OR AGENT WASHINGTON, CHURCH DID NOT HEAR ANY OF THAT BECAUSE THOSE ARE NOT PEOPLE THAT ARE GETTING DISCUSSED NOW OR EVER]

I don't think she even chooses who shows up here and who doesn't.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[log] we do everything together[closed]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/?

no subject

no subject

no subject

done

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject