[network] @ADMIN; Arrival

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Comments

[private]

[devoutish]

Unmarried women in their thirties aren't very common where I'm from - if you don't mind my saying so. Mind, you they aren't unheard of.

[private]

[nursetemple]

Of course I don't mind - I can imagine it's not. It's a lot more common in the 21st century, but the expectation is still here. A woman my age should be married, having children. I've just not met the person I want to do all this with. I'm in no hurry.

[private]

[devoutish]

I suppose it would be difficult with the job, unless your husband stayed home.

[private]

[nursetemple]

We get maternity leave, nowadays. Not everyone, and it's not a long time, but it's something. You get a few months' full pay while staying home. But after that, it's either one of the parents stay home, or you find a nanny. It's - a big thing.

[She shrugs.]

One day. Or I'll just adopt.

[private]

[devoutish]

You'd adopt alone?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Shrugging again, she makes a considering face.]

I'd consider it, if I'm still single. Or simply if I'm too old to have children naturally.

[private]

[devoutish]

It's a difficult life, parenting alone. Not sure why anyone would choose it. But - the future is a very different place.

[private]

[nursetemple]

It wouldn't be my first choice. More of a last resort kind of thing, if I end up being one of these people that end up alone forever.

[Which is not something she wants, but she's not one to settle, either.]

[private]

[devoutish]

It wouldn't be better to not have children at all?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Would it? There are countless kids without a stable home, without anyone to love them, kids dying in the streets or being turned into soldiers. I've never thought of myself as someone who wouldn't have kids, and if I have the means, the heart and the will, why shouldn't I do it?

[She looks down.]

A life alone is not much of a life at all, anyway.

[private]

[devoutish]

Mm.

[Okay, that he can agree with.]

You feel alone, then, even at home?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[She hesitates, which is probably answer enough. But it's a difficult one, for her.]

I - [Her words die out on her tongue, and she closes her mouth, swallowing hard.]

It's a day to day thing. [She finally manages to say, before looking inquisitively at the camera. She's pretty sure he's watching.] Why? Are you trying to find my weaknesses?

[private]

[devoutish]

No, no. Making conversation, that's all.

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Making conversation about the empty parts of Claire's life. Making conversation around the shadow of Matt's presence in her heart. It feels so hollow, right now.]

Sorry. I'm just - it's not something I talk about very much. There's no point, is there?

[private]

[devoutish]

Of course, yeah. No offense meant.

[private]

[nursetemple]

None taken. [It's just upsetting, t think that she might end up alone forever. That she might never find someone to have a life with. A real one, not the one Matt creates around himself.]

Did the war ever make you consider your place in the world? What you bring - or don't bring - to it? What's important, what you're willing to compromise on, that sort of stuff?

[private]

[devoutish]

Well - my apologies all the same.

[He'd assumed that if she'd been fine with personal questions about being childless and wanting children, she wouldn't mind personal questions about loneliness in general. Future women are still a little bit of a mystery to him, he thinks.]

You're wondering if the war made me want to stop being a criminal?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Sorry, Alfie. She's embarrassed by the fact that she's lonely.]

No, not that, more -

[She doesn't think of it as a career change.]

On a more personal level, I guess is what I mean. [It's hard to explain without saying 'a few weeks ago, I almost died.'] Did you think differently about what you want from life after the war, or did you just keep going like nothing changed?

[private]

[devoutish]

Having routine helped. Having my job. My community, my customs. I didn't want to change any of that.

[private]

[nursetemple]

Work does help, doesn't it? Having a constant.

[She's picking at her nails as she tries to gather her thoughts.]

It's just that my life has been very shaken up in recent months - even before all this - and it's made me realize that there are some things I just am not willing to compromise on.

[private]

[devoutish]

Things like--?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Things like love, and family.

[private]

[devoutish]

Good things not to compromise on. Are you asked to?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Sometimes, it feels like it. [By her mom, by Matt.] But I'll stand my ground.

[private]

[devoutish]

Mm. What are they asking of you that you won't do?