[network] @ADMIN; Arrival

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Comments

[private]

[nursetemple]

We get maternity leave, nowadays. Not everyone, and it's not a long time, but it's something. You get a few months' full pay while staying home. But after that, it's either one of the parents stay home, or you find a nanny. It's - a big thing.

[She shrugs.]

One day. Or I'll just adopt.

[private]

[devoutish]

You'd adopt alone?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Shrugging again, she makes a considering face.]

I'd consider it, if I'm still single. Or simply if I'm too old to have children naturally.

[private]

[devoutish]

It's a difficult life, parenting alone. Not sure why anyone would choose it. But - the future is a very different place.

[private]

[nursetemple]

It wouldn't be my first choice. More of a last resort kind of thing, if I end up being one of these people that end up alone forever.

[Which is not something she wants, but she's not one to settle, either.]

[private]

[devoutish]

It wouldn't be better to not have children at all?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Would it? There are countless kids without a stable home, without anyone to love them, kids dying in the streets or being turned into soldiers. I've never thought of myself as someone who wouldn't have kids, and if I have the means, the heart and the will, why shouldn't I do it?

[She looks down.]

A life alone is not much of a life at all, anyway.

[private]

[devoutish]

Mm.

[Okay, that he can agree with.]

You feel alone, then, even at home?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[She hesitates, which is probably answer enough. But it's a difficult one, for her.]

I - [Her words die out on her tongue, and she closes her mouth, swallowing hard.]

It's a day to day thing. [She finally manages to say, before looking inquisitively at the camera. She's pretty sure he's watching.] Why? Are you trying to find my weaknesses?

[private]

[devoutish]

No, no. Making conversation, that's all.

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Making conversation about the empty parts of Claire's life. Making conversation around the shadow of Matt's presence in her heart. It feels so hollow, right now.]

Sorry. I'm just - it's not something I talk about very much. There's no point, is there?

[private]

[devoutish]

Of course, yeah. No offense meant.

[private]

[nursetemple]

None taken. [It's just upsetting, t think that she might end up alone forever. That she might never find someone to have a life with. A real one, not the one Matt creates around himself.]

Did the war ever make you consider your place in the world? What you bring - or don't bring - to it? What's important, what you're willing to compromise on, that sort of stuff?

[private]

[devoutish]

Well - my apologies all the same.

[He'd assumed that if she'd been fine with personal questions about being childless and wanting children, she wouldn't mind personal questions about loneliness in general. Future women are still a little bit of a mystery to him, he thinks.]

You're wondering if the war made me want to stop being a criminal?

[private]

[nursetemple]

[Sorry, Alfie. She's embarrassed by the fact that she's lonely.]

No, not that, more -

[She doesn't think of it as a career change.]

On a more personal level, I guess is what I mean. [It's hard to explain without saying 'a few weeks ago, I almost died.'] Did you think differently about what you want from life after the war, or did you just keep going like nothing changed?

[private]

[devoutish]

Having routine helped. Having my job. My community, my customs. I didn't want to change any of that.

[private]

[nursetemple]

Work does help, doesn't it? Having a constant.

[She's picking at her nails as she tries to gather her thoughts.]

It's just that my life has been very shaken up in recent months - even before all this - and it's made me realize that there are some things I just am not willing to compromise on.

[private]

[devoutish]

Things like--?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Things like love, and family.

[private]

[devoutish]

Good things not to compromise on. Are you asked to?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Sometimes, it feels like it. [By her mom, by Matt.] But I'll stand my ground.

[private]

[devoutish]

Mm. What are they asking of you that you won't do?

[private]

[nursetemple]

Settle with someone that might not be entirely right for me. Bend my ethics, my morals. Ask me to accept things that are going so completely against my morals, just for the sake of being with them, which I - I couldn't do.

[private]

[devoutish]

Goodness. It sounds like you've got someone chasing after you.

[private]

[nursetemple]

[She chuckles.]

Maybe I did, for a short time. Things became...complicated.