[network] @ADMIN; Arrival

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Comments

[rubikscomplex]

[No one deserves House, Jack. No one.]

well, now you're just offending my intelligence
does the innocent act work on anyone?
ever?

[pistolproof]

[ It works remarkably well on teenage girls. ]

and What of You Mate? do You often try to Condemn People to Death or am I just Special?

[rubikscomplex]

oh, please
we can't get it together to hang a psychopathic murderer who's killed three people openly
no one's gonna care if you're jollying the roger for a day job

consequently
do you have a guy named roger on your crew?
and are you jollying him?

[Might as well be lewd if Jack's going to whine.]

[pistolproof]

[ What, was it the giant syphilis sore on his jaw that gave him away?

Although he supposes it's a bit comforting, in a weird way, to know no one is actively going to try to kill him. Still, that doesn't mean he's going to go around telling people he's a pirate. ]

havent Known a Robert in Years.

[ He used to be his first mate, before Barbossa. ]

[rubikscomplex]

[It's a useful indicator. Also grody, bro. You want some tetracycline for that?]

dry spell, then?
aw...
poor guy!

[pistolproof]

[ He's tried to cure it.

Do you want to know how people thought they could cure syphilis before penicillin was invented? They injected mercury into their veins.

Spoiler alert: this did not work. ]

You offering?

[rubikscomplex]

you're not my type, babe
i prefer my guys std-free
you want some medicine for the syphilis?

my price is you singing a raucous sea shanty

[pistolproof]

[ aha haha ha ha. No, Jack does not like doctors. Or medicine. ]

na Mate. There be no Need for That.

[ He is quite fond of living, thanks.




Listen, I do not care what Jack says, please cure him. ]

[rubikscomplex]

[That's gets a raise of a brow.]

you're from what?
the 1700s?
you realize you've got secondary syphilis?
it gets to the tertiary stage you start getting the really fun effects
organ damage
paralysis
memory loss as the disease eats away at your brain
death...

just sayin', cap'n

[pistolproof]

[ Granted, that does not sound like a fun time, ]

Ive already tried to Cure It. didnt work.

[rubikscomplex]

did you use voodoo?
the soothsayer's herbs?

you need antibiotics
you haven't had them
it'll clear it up in a few weeks
and you'll stop having those sores

i regret explaining all of this up there and then having to rehash it out down here. I apologize.

[pistolproof]

Mercury.

[ And then, because this is literally the things he has to worry about in regards to 18th Century medicine, ]

aye? and the Chances It dont do That?

Haha! It's cool, man.

[rubikscomplex]

i'm from 2005
we've had 300 years to figure out how to get it right
something broad spectrum like tetracycline?
you might have some cramps
take the pills with plenty of water and you'll be fine
one pill every 6 hours for 14 days
voila!
you will be cured
the magic of modern medicine

also
you're a moron for injecting freaking mercury into your veins

[pistolproof]

[ It seemed like a good idea at the time. ]

aye and You just so Happen to have These Antib Whatsits on Hand do You?

[ It seems unlikely. Also unlikely -- House just giving them up to him. Jack doesn't have a lot to trade with. ]

[rubikscomplex]

i'm a doctor
or whatever fancy words you've got for it way back when
i put in a prescription
the admin delivers them
she's basically my pharmacy slave

like i said, though
sea shanty
then i put in the script for you

[He's a man of simple desires, Jack. Forcing you to do something you don't want to is payment in and of itself.]

[pistolproof]

[ He already doesn't want to take the medicine. ]

tell You What Mate. You get Me some Rum [ or any form of alcohol, really, he's not picky. ] and Ill Sing Whatever You want.

[ Bloody fair deal, he thinks. ]

[rubikscomplex]

dude
if i find rum
i'm gonna be the one drinking it

drink up me hearties, yo ho

[pistolproof]

sounds like You got the Sea Shanty All but covered eh?

[rubikscomplex]

but i'm not a professional pirate!
doesn't have the same effect

throw me a bone here
even just a verse?

[pistolproof]

look Mate. Ive no Idea why Your so keen on Labeling Me a Pirate nor the Insistance on My Condemnation but I do not apreciate It. Im naught but a Sailor. nor do I have any Need for Your Anti Whatsits.

[rubikscomplex]

ugh
i take it back
not cool or profession
just the lamest pirate
jack sparrow?
you're for the birds, man

also you're gonna die horribly of syphilis
have fun with that

[pistolproof]

I believe There be more Pertanent Threats to Me Health Greg.

[rubikscomplex]

it's "house," birdboy

[pistolproof]

aye. and I be no Pirate.

[rubikscomplex]

[Is that how it's going to be? House pulls out his claws a bit.]

the first thing you do when you get here is ask for rum
you're filthy and have dreadlocks
you're openly bisexual and hitting on anything with a pulse
you talk like you're straight out of a treasure island novel
you're an opportunist, not a professional
you're the "one and only," which means you're arrogant and apparently famous or infamous enough to consider yourself special
plus the "black" pearl sounds more like something you want to avoid than be pulling up alongside

[He stalks the network, Jack. He's a dick like that. He's also eying that conversation with Sora with some interest.]

if they made a movie about pirates
you'd be the star