snowblindrpg | [network] @standardissue; Catch a tiger by the toe [open] [Day 158, after lockdown]

[Kunsel doesn't have his helmet on when he turns the video feed on, mostly because he feels like this is something important enough that people need to see his expression, to know how deadly serious he is. His eyes glow faintly in the darkness that comes after nightfall, though it's washed out slightly by the light being cast by the tablet.]

To anyone in the Entrance area, or anyone who might end up here, there's a situation in the fire station you need to be aware of.

[As though to punctuate his statement, something behind him rattles, like someone behind a door trying to get out. Kunsel takes this as his cue to turn the tablet's camera to focus on a door that's been blocked by a bed, with the door's handle handcuffed to the frame itself. It's hard to make out in the light, but on the door itself, written in thick black marker, are the words "OPEN WITH CAUTION. MONSTER INSIDE."]

Last night when we stopped here, an anomaly emerged from one of the mirrors in the bathroom. Half humanoid, half insect, and it looked like a mirror itself. We only barely managed to block it inside the bathroom. We left this morning, then came back tonight.

[The door rattles again.]

And it's still here.

[He turns the tablet back toward himself now, still grim and serious.]

If you can, I'd recommend avoiding the fire station entirely. We don't know how well this setup might hold. If you can't, then don't unblock the door, even if you think the anomaly is gone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

im a little harder to impress
what do you guys do
besides capitalizing your name and i guess fighting monsters
what kind of monsters
you cant just tell me youre cool and some special division without backing that up with details

I could give you details, but I'm not sure how impressive they'll sound if you're not familiar with my world. Ever heard of Behemoths? Malboros? Dragons?

ive heard of behemoths and dragons in the monster category
but if youre telling me you fought wild roving packs of cigarettes im gonna have to raise my eyebrows into the stratosphere

Okay, if you know those at least, then maybe this will give you a good idea. Those are the kinds of monsters they send SOLDIERs up against, often as not by themselves.

Wait, what? What are you talking about?

marlboros
theyre a cigarette brand
tell me you at least know what cigarettes are

I know what cigarettes are. I've just never heard of that brand. Considering what Malboros are, though, a name like that would probably be the worst marketing decision you could make.

Picture a tentacle plant creature with a mouth full of teeth that can tear you to shreds, and breath bad enough to knock you out, blind you, poison you, silence you, confuse you to the point of attacking yourself or your friends, or some combination of all of the above.

i suddenly understand everything
somewhere somehow one of those super dramatic anti smoking psas got sublimated across the boundary of the universe
and now theres a literal monster terrorizing the innocent citizens of another world
dont smoke kids
or the tentacles will eat your friends

[Kunsel has to snort with amusement.]

You've got some funny ideas. If that's how it happened, the idea must have failed. Plenty of people still smoke cigarettes, and no one associates them with Malboros.

Well, unless you want to insult someone's breath.

dont ask me
im one of those vulnerable teens those ads target
not the advisory board that makes them

Take it from me, then, vulnerable teen.
Don't smoke Malboros.
You will regret everything.

sure
if i find any stray tentacles ill sell them to adults instead

Smart move.

So, what do you think? Do I sound cool now?

nope
one of my friends fought ogres and giclopses and basilisks and other stuff and he was still as big a dork as he started

Are you saying I'm a dork?

maybe
i need to observe more first
im a man of science and i cant go making hard declarations if i dont have all the facts first
i mean i fought that stuff too and im cooler than the frosty side of a snowman
cool is complicated my man

Observe away. I'm sure you'll see nothing but the coolest person here.

What backs up your claim of coolness?

i dunno man
the meter ticks pretty far toward dork when you say shit like that
speaking of
the first rule of coolness is that its not something you go around trying to prove
its something you are

Says the the guy who just said this.

And you did ask me to back up my claims first.

making a statement of fact isnt the same as going around trying to prove it pointlessly
also
the rules depend on context

[Shut up, Kunsel.]

Right, of course. Completely different.

[Sarcasm? What sarcasm?]

I'll make sure to apply my own context next time.

no look
you cant just make stuff up it doesnt work that way
youre not an expert just because some laypersons decided the name is cool
ive been trained in this since i was a literal baby
just trust me

So what does define cool, then? Isn't it enough if people tell you you are?

hell no
i mean thats part of it but there is way more to it than that
tell me do you understand the basics of irony

Irony? I have no idea what you mean.

[It really is too bad that this is text and Davesprite can't hear Kunsel's voice deadpan.

Does that answer your question, Davesprite?]

[Nope. Too bad indeed that he can't hear his tone.]

see thats the exact problem
to understand cool you need to know what irony is
and not just a basic dictionary definition but the actual art to it
because it is an art
and i didnt spend this long learning the ins and outs for some chump to think capslock is cruise control for cool

(no subject)

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