snowblindrpg | [network] @Ecks; In the open [open] [video] evening 156

[She's been thinking about this for days and days now. She's thought about it since House said it was stupid to keep everything a secret and that she'd get more sympathy if she was honest about her age. Since Beckett didn't understand why it was a secret at all. Then since Watson told everyone she was a murderer, but then told Clint she was trying to be a good girl.

Since she ran away from Clint and his people this morning even though he didn't try to hurt her once he knew what she had done to Duster.

She waits until after lockdown just in case they are all wrong and someone will try to find her after this. The video opens with her looking into the camera, her scarf bunched around her neck but her patchwork face clearly on display. Her expression is blank, her voice toneless.]

My name is Ecks and I am not human. I have decided that it is not a secret anymore. I am a golem made out of dead people, but I am a person and that is the part that is important. I am two years old and a few months and I have decided that I do not want to hurt or kill people when I do not have to, and that is also important. Doctor House and Beckett say that it does not matter what I am and I think I would be happy if that is true.

[It seems like there should be more than that to say, but she just stares a moment longer before turning off the camera. She will not bring up the murder if she does not have to.]

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[She hesitates a moment, but follows his lead on the audio.]

I am trying. It is harder than I thought it would be to make the right choices, but I am trying. How do you know when a choice is the right choice?

[That's the most difficult question for him to answer. There's a long pause before he does try, voice tight and low.]

If your choice hurts someone, it's probably the wrong choice. But you can't know for sure, you have to learn to trust yourself.

I did something bad. I have rules so that I do not do the wrong things, but I broke my rules and I hurt someone because I was angry. I do not think I can trust myself.

[Could she be pushing any more of his buttons if she tried?]

You probably can't. So don't trust yourself, be hard on yourself, and don't let yourself slip again.

Edited 2016-10-11 21:38 (UTC)

Oh.

[That's...not what others have told her. Not exactly. In a way, though, it feels right for someone to finally agree that she is out of control and needs to try harder. She doesn't know how to respond, and lets the silence hang uncomfortably before she forces out a reply.]

Thank you.

[He doesn't need the thanks, he just wants her to know that someone here understands.]

If you think you're a danger again, get away from the people around you even if it's just for a short time. It's better to be alone than hurt others.

I will. I also think it is better to be alone. I know that it is better to not be with the person I hurt.

You should do the same. I know that you are also trying.

I am.

[He knows he's right, people won't listen.]

It's hard to avoid people here, I'm doing my best.

I know.

I think that you are able. I think that you are trying and you will be able not to hurt people here.

Thanks, I think you've got this too.

[Or, he hopes they both do.]

Listen, I understand. It stays between us that I do, but you can call me if you need help.

[network] @Ecks; In the open [open] [video] evening 156

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