snowblindrpg | [log] clint barton's no good very bad week [closed]

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[log] clint barton's no good very bad week [closed]

Characters: Clint, Steve, Ecks, Natasha and Tony
Location: Building 108
Date: Days 155 and 156
Summary: Clint finally meets Steve face to face after he revives - and also finds Ecks again. Nat and Tony catch up the next day.
Warnings: Will update as necessary!

108: A standard single-story house with a kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, and bedroom. The bed in the bedroom is a loft-style bed, giving extra space for the desk beneath it. One of the desk drawers is empty, and the others have countless small plastic cases that look like they could have been SD cards, although there aren't any computer chips in them. These are only plastic shells.

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Why wouldn't he hate me? You heard him: Tony Stark created robots to destroy humanity, when he wasn't going nuts and promoting dangerous ideas. As if that weren't enough.

And I pissed off Clint again. He just- he reminds me why I hated trying to talk to them. They were all so stubborn. They wouldn't listen to reason. Everyone wants to wish away the problems and nobody wants to be the one to point out that nice doesn't mean honest.

[He lifts a hand to cover his mouth, wiping it as if that gesture will help him think.]

It's been bothering me since Steve showed up. I didn't want to be the one he was expecting when we first spoke. He was so- Natasha, he was afraid for Barnes's life. Like he was really talking to a madman. And then there's the file. That's what they see when they talk to me.

[Natasha is silent for a long moment. She knows exactly how it feels to be hated, mistrusted, pigeon-holed before you get a chance to prove yourself.]

Let's forget about Steve for a second.

[Because she thinks, partially, this is him trying to replace their Steve with the one here. The one who's alive.]

You were wrong to say what you did to Clint. He is a part of this team, even if he disagrees with us at times. He has every right to voice concerns, and that doesn't mean he doesn't trust us. As for whatever Steve or Watson think of you... That isn't you. I stayed on as a SHIELD agent because I respect you, and I agreed to join your team because I trust you. If you keep getting caught up in what people think, if you keep acting on fear of how they'll react to you rather than evidence, you will alienate them.

[Natasha wants him to forget Steve, but he can't. It's the one thing that Tony just can't move on from. It was better when Bucky was Cap and things felt like they were really moving forward, but in Norfinbury some version of Steve keeps coming back, calling out Tony's sins and reminding him he'll never get past what he'd done to him.

She's right about Clint.]

I didn't mean what I said to Clint. I was just angry. I felt like he wasn't taking the problem seriously, and that he really believed we'd done something to Watson. Or would do something. I don't-

It's not my team. They know it isn't.

Then whose team is it? Steve's? No one's?

[Tony is silent, staring ahead at some image past the wall. Whose team is it really? He doesn't know, but that isn't an answer Natasha will accept. So he's quiet. Better to say nothing, probably, than mess things up by giving another bad response. She's the only one that will talk to him now.]

[She frowns, nudging his leg with the toe of her boot.]

Tony. Don't shut down on me. I'm not angry with you.

We're just a group of stranded people. We're not a team.

[Not really. Not since the falling out. He doesn't really believe that it will be enough to drive Clint off. Even angry, Clint is too good to just give up on the idea just like that. But Steve might be another story and Tony isn't sure that they can count as a team when they're barely hanging on at all.]

I'll make it up to Clint. And Steve. And I'll try to be less judgmental about what they say.

Good. That's a start. Clint would appreciate an apology.

[Natasha sighs, studying him.]

If we're working together, we're a team. We can't splinter apart now.

[Tony nods absently, his eyes tracking something invisible. Or maybe a bit of stray dust. He does seem to hear her, though, because he keeps up the conversation.]

We can do good together if we concentrate our efforts toward helping people nearby. We still can't be everywhere, but it's a start.

He said we're like them.

Steve? Is that what's bothering you? We can't control his opinion of us, Tony. As similar as he is to the man we know in some respects, he hasn't experienced the things we have.

Edited 2016-09-09 23:19 (UTC)

No, I know he's not- I don't want to talk about this.

[How would he even explain? Maybe he really is crazy. He doesn't want Natasha thinking that, though.]

Yes, refuse to talk about it so that you can continue to blow up at us. You can't wall yourself off, Tony.

[Says the expert at walling herself off.]

I won't let that happen again. I was just upset. I was angry at myself for being too naive, and you all made it very clear that I was out of line.

I'll watch my behavior from now on. Don't worry.

Stark. Don't be an idiot. Just two days ago you were pushing me about opening up. What makes this any different?

Because they're right about me. I doubt either of them even realizes it, but they're suspicious. And it made me angry how suspicious they were, because they don't even know me. They know some other guy, but I guess if you're related to the same man it doesn't matter what reality you come from.

[Natasha sighs again, rubbing a hand over her face.]

We don't know anything about the Tony Steve knows, not really.

We know that he causes problems like creating robots that apparently want to commit genocide. We know he was policing the heroes of their world for presumably the greater good, and who does that sound like?

[This time there is no hesitation in him.]

Yes, I'm aware of how wrong things went. You and the others, did you really think it didn't destroy me too? That maybe I was so far gone that I didn't see how much the damage was getting out of control? It was all I could do to keep it in, Natasha. The Initiative was meant to give the control back to people that deserved it! I never meant to keep running things alone. But that's what it took.

But what it comes down to is that I am willing to police us if that's what is necessary to prevent meaningless death. I'm willing to use the weapons put out here if I have to, because I'm not going to let everyone else use them on us, and that is exactly who Tony Stark really is.

Tony Stark is also the director of SHIELD, the man who gave Bucky Barnes a second chance when he was self-destructing. The man who gave me a second chance, who decided to trust me after I gave him every reason not to.

[She's looking at him now, gaze level and steady, her voice quiet and serious.]

I know how much that war tore you up. I saw it on your face every time we spoke, but you were doing what you thought was right. You were doing what needed to be done. You are not a monster, and Steve's death was not your fault. I'm not saying you did everything correctly, or that all of us made the best choices, but sometimes working with what we're given is all we can do.

[He's been trying to be stronger. With bad results, but he's been trying. And with so many different concerns he's keeping track of, they all run together and Tony has been losing his control right from the start. Failing at the attempt at hacking the tablets, losing Clint, fearing that any moment the nanites would override the security he had on his own powers and use Extremis on his friends, all of those just kept piling up. And maybe they weren't real. Even before Watson's notes went public, he'd been wondering if it were all some elaborate programming game meant to mess with them. Maybe even Natasha wasn't real.

And he had never processed the grief completely. Doc Samson had said the Extremis malfunction was drawing on his guilt, the part he just hadn't been able to face. Tony hadn't wanted to bring those wounds in with him, but it was pretty unavoidable when all other avenues kept coming back with no results. His expression crumples into pain and some slight relief, finally getting it out in the open.]

I never meant for it to go that far. I didn't want that for any of them.

[Not that they'll believe that. He'll probably go to his grave with people like Daredevil and Spider-Man thinking he maliciously planned it all from the start. The great weapons engineer at work.]

Watson mentioned the initiative after we found him in the snow. And Maya Hansen. When he started insisting on knowing if were were going to hunt his friends down, I kept thinking of how much he sounded like Steve. And I was angry. Angry that he wasn't going to trust me.

It can be hard to trust people, especially in a place like this.

[But she knows why he's so bothered. Everyone had thought of Tony Stark as the bad guy—their friends, allies, people they'd known for years. It's easy for him to internalize things like that, for him to doubt himself when everyone else is, even if he's holding his ground.]

You can't keep wallowing in guilt and self-pity. It will eat you from the inside out.

[Tony knows that she has intimate experience with that.]

I know. [Easier said than done, although he does look up.]

I wish Fury were here. He'd have a plan. I can count the times I've seen him doubt his decisions on one hand, and I'm pretty sure he was acting on at least two of those.

[It helps, getting to say that and hearing Natasha tell him directly to stop feeling sorry for himself. He can focus on that, repeat it to himself.]

I didn't mean to say all of that. Every time I look at Steve, I, we were still at it when he was arrested. I don't know if I can stop myself sometimes.

Maybe you can't, but Clint and I won't hesitate to tell you when you're out of line. I trust you'd do the same for us.

It shouldn't be your job to watch me, but... Thanks.

[Why does he have friends like this? He doesn't deserve these good people.]

Of course I'd do the same for both of you.