[log] clint barton's no good very bad week [closed]

[awwnoun]

Characters: Clint, Steve, Ecks, Natasha and Tony
Location: Building 108
Date: Days 155 and 156
Summary: Clint finally meets Steve face to face after he revives - and also finds Ecks again. Nat and Tony catch up the next day.
Warnings: Will update as necessary!

108: A standard single-story house with a kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, and bedroom. The bed in the bedroom is a loft-style bed, giving extra space for the desk beneath it. One of the desk drawers is empty, and the others have countless small plastic cases that look like they could have been SD cards, although there aren't any computer chips in them. These are only plastic shells.

Comments

[redrooms]

Tony Stark is also the director of SHIELD, the man who gave Bucky Barnes a second chance when he was self-destructing. The man who gave me a second chance, who decided to trust me after I gave him every reason not to.

[She's looking at him now, gaze level and steady, her voice quiet and serious.]

I know how much that war tore you up. I saw it on your face every time we spoke, but you were doing what you thought was right. You were doing what needed to be done. You are not a monster, and Steve's death was not your fault. I'm not saying you did everything correctly, or that all of us made the best choices, but sometimes working with what we're given is all we can do.

[definingfuture]

[He's been trying to be stronger. With bad results, but he's been trying. And with so many different concerns he's keeping track of, they all run together and Tony has been losing his control right from the start. Failing at the attempt at hacking the tablets, losing Clint, fearing that any moment the nanites would override the security he had on his own powers and use Extremis on his friends, all of those just kept piling up. And maybe they weren't real. Even before Watson's notes went public, he'd been wondering if it were all some elaborate programming game meant to mess with them. Maybe even Natasha wasn't real.

And he had never processed the grief completely. Doc Samson had said the Extremis malfunction was drawing on his guilt, the part he just hadn't been able to face. Tony hadn't wanted to bring those wounds in with him, but it was pretty unavoidable when all other avenues kept coming back with no results. His expression crumples into pain and some slight relief, finally getting it out in the open.]

I never meant for it to go that far. I didn't want that for any of them.

[Not that they'll believe that. He'll probably go to his grave with people like Daredevil and Spider-Man thinking he maliciously planned it all from the start. The great weapons engineer at work.]

Watson mentioned the initiative after we found him in the snow. And Maya Hansen. When he started insisting on knowing if were were going to hunt his friends down, I kept thinking of how much he sounded like Steve. And I was angry. Angry that he wasn't going to trust me.

[redrooms]

It can be hard to trust people, especially in a place like this.

[But she knows why he's so bothered. Everyone had thought of Tony Stark as the bad guy—their friends, allies, people they'd known for years. It's easy for him to internalize things like that, for him to doubt himself when everyone else is, even if he's holding his ground.]

You can't keep wallowing in guilt and self-pity. It will eat you from the inside out.

[Tony knows that she has intimate experience with that.]

[definingfuture]

I know. [Easier said than done, although he does look up.]

I wish Fury were here. He'd have a plan. I can count the times I've seen him doubt his decisions on one hand, and I'm pretty sure he was acting on at least two of those.

[It helps, getting to say that and hearing Natasha tell him directly to stop feeling sorry for himself. He can focus on that, repeat it to himself.]

I didn't mean to say all of that. Every time I look at Steve, I, we were still at it when he was arrested. I don't know if I can stop myself sometimes.

[redrooms]

Maybe you can't, but Clint and I won't hesitate to tell you when you're out of line. I trust you'd do the same for us.

[definingfuture]

It shouldn't be your job to watch me, but... Thanks.

[Why does he have friends like this? He doesn't deserve these good people.]

Of course I'd do the same for both of you.

[redrooms]

Good. So are you going to stop torturing yourself, or do I need to hit you? I don't have my Widow's Bite, but I can improvise.

[definingfuture]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm- [Okay, not good.] I'll be okay. I'm sorry for earlier.

[redrooms]

Apology accepted. Now we move on from it.

[definingfuture]

Okay. Should we split up or keep moving together? I do think we could cover more ground by splitting up, but it'll be harder to get back together once we do.