Captain Steve Rogers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bottledblond) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2016-08-17 08:53 pm
bottledblond) wrote in snowblindrpg2016-08-17 08:53 pm
[network] @captsteverogers; [Video] Coldness Bites Bone Deep [open] Night 148
I can't remember the last time I was this cold.
[Its not fair to say that he's afraid. He isn't. Worried? That he'll give you. Steve is illuminated only by the screen. He's huddled under his coat in a room with no furniture. The whole house is empty and while that isn't likely always a problem, tonight it's bitterly cold.]
Actually that's not quite true. The last time I was this cold was the winter of 1928. Ma was really sick and we ran out of coal for the furnace. I had to crawl into bed with her. I think that was the only time in my whole life that I was pleased she had a fever.
[His lips tremble from his shivering but he still smiles. Only Steve Rogers could smile through something so depressing.]
i hope everyone is keeping warm tonight. Body heat helps if you're lucky enough to be with someone. Think warm thoughts and stay safe.
[Its not fair to say that he's afraid. He isn't. Worried? That he'll give you. Steve is illuminated only by the screen. He's huddled under his coat in a room with no furniture. The whole house is empty and while that isn't likely always a problem, tonight it's bitterly cold.]
Actually that's not quite true. The last time I was this cold was the winter of 1928. Ma was really sick and we ran out of coal for the furnace. I had to crawl into bed with her. I think that was the only time in my whole life that I was pleased she had a fever.
[His lips tremble from his shivering but he still smiles. Only Steve Rogers could smile through something so depressing.]
i hope everyone is keeping warm tonight. Body heat helps if you're lucky enough to be with someone. Think warm thoughts and stay safe.
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[He's all business for that 5 seconds before Steve mentions Clint. And then Tony's expression changes to concern.]
His hands? [No, he hasn't. This is serious.] What's wrong with them?
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Yeah. Okay.]
Thank you. I appreciate the heads up. [He mumbles the response.]
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I'll let you know if I make any progress heading towards your location in a few days.
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Yeah, all right. [He's going to dwell on Clint's condition. It's disturbing to hear it from Steve. Even though he likes Steve well enough, he would have liked to hear this from Clint himself.]
I'll... Let you know if anything else happens. If I hear about it.
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[Hes not use to Tony being so sensitive around him. He's usually all snark and arrogance. Not... So human.]
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[That's true to form for Clint. Tony can't deny that Steve has a way of getting honesty from his friends.]
But he still told you.
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And then he yelled at me for being concerned.
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[Sigh.]
And he got caught making a mistake. It's embarrassing.
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I'm not Captain America. Just Steve Rogers.
[He wasn't going to get into it. Not to Tony. Not now. He doesn't want to complicate things but he doesn't want to be known for something he knows he can't be right now.]
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You're never just anything. Of all people, you certainly wouldn't be.
[Tony glances up from the tablet to something off screen.]
It's more than just a name or an image. It's part of who we are, sometimes whether we want to be or not. We do it because we're called to do it. With or without the name, that part of us is still there.
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Captain America is a symbol of something I don't want to be any more. No. I know I don't want to be any more. I don't share the same ideals as the American government and the people that run it. I'm not saying that I'm giving up on who I am, Tony.
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[He gives Steve a confused look, trying to understand what brought on the sudden "I'm leaving and you can't make me stay" attitude. Like Steve had decided everyone around him wasn't as good as he thought and he was ready to walk out and not look back.]
Who are you giving up on? [He's a bit gentler this time.]
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[He can't help but smile. Even at Tony. He doesn't understand why he's so depressed. Or why talking to him seems to bring out the worst. Steve asked if he was all right before but he doesn't believe in prying. If Tony doesn't want to tell him, he just has to respect that.]
I'm not that kind of guy. I just have to do it my way.
So you know that extends to you too, right? Not giving up on you either.
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You always do things your own way. But I would point out, and I hope you'll understand where I'm coming from here, that doing it your way is part of being Captain America. You have in you what makes him great, not the other way around. We admire you for it.
Wear whatever you want. Save people in a bright purple tank top if you feel like it. I wouldn't recommend that, with the weather here, but Clint would probably be flattered. And you'd still be saving people. I'd bet my job on that.
[Actual warmth reaches his voice as he says that. There is fondness in it.]
You're already yourself. Make no mistake, it's you that people respect.
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[Tony usually was a master of the back handed compliment. This straight out one-- Okay. Okay, despite himself, he needs to ask again. Tony doesn't have to tell him but he feels like he can't just let it go.]
If you need to talk-- you can talk to me.
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[It's easy to say. He believes all of it, even if he doesn't know this man in particular. Tony doesn't feel like he has to test Steve to know that he's Captain America. He doesn't have to test Bucky either. They are, even if one or both of them are still discovering that.]
I'm just telling you this because I've been there. There are times when I have hated putting on the armor more than, well, anything else at that moment. I resented it. But someone else told me that it was the man that made the hero, and now I'm telling you that I acknowledge that. It makes it harder to know what to call you, though.
[He's teasing just a bit.]
You think I'm making fun of you? Or that I'm not being honest?
[He doesn't understand why Steve would offer to be a listening ear. When Watson did it, he was feeling grateful and offering a return favor. It made sense. This... He doesn't know where the offer comes from, because he certainly hasn't done anything worth a mutual trade. Does Steve think he needs to talk for some reason? That he's not telling him something? He's just so used to offering that encouragement to other heroes he fell right into it when Steve pushed away the title of Captain America, thinking he needed that assurance, but maybe he'd misjudged him.]
I am talking to you. Right now. [Tony is back to confusion, trying to figure out what Steve means by talk.]
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It seems like you have something that you want to talk about it all. Something you're keeping quiet on. Just letting you know that I'm willing to listen to whatever you've got to say.
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I just- I like to know where I stand.
[He almost trips over the first part and has to restart his sentence to sound more confident.]
I hate not knowing things. I'm pretty sure you understand. Questions keep me up at night.
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[They had this discussion but Steve really doesn't mind rehashing it. ]
You're my friend. It doesn't matter when or where you're from. Or if we have histories that don't connect. You're Tony Stark and I'd like to think that there's something of the same quality of person under there. I know you're not the guy I have to patch things up and I won't hold it against you, what he's done. Same token, I hope you won't hold it against me either, what your Steve might have messed up on.
And it's all right if you don't want to be my friend, Tony. I'd like you to be but you don't have to. It doesn't really change how I feel.
[Its not gotten any warmer. Steve's breath is still white.]
I don't want you to be sleepless because of questions at any rate. Ask them. As long as they're about me and not someone else, I'll answer as truthfully as I can.
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It's not just about you.
[He keeps the same calm, thoughtful voice he's been using lately. A little gentle, because he's dealing with people that might require a lighter touch, and even rather than personal.]
It is about what you said before, but it's not because I think you'll hold it against me. I don't know him. I don't know what he's capable of, and realizing that is- [He pauses, hesitating, because he's not sure this is a conversation he can have with this man. Maybe he won't understand.]
It's easier for you. There are questions you'll never have.
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[It’s only been a few days, but given what Steve knows now, given that Bucky is no longer with the group, and given that he is fairly sure that Tony can separate one reality from another, the blond doesn’t really see why he needs to keep this a secret.]
I told you that it was my fault. [That said, he knows you don’t believe him if it’s bothering you.] And it was my fault because I failed to tell you something that I should have. [He understands the irony.]
The Winter Soldier killed Tony Stark’s parents. It was captured on video. He ran the car off the road and strangled his mother.
[The weapon. The soldier. The tool. Not Bucky.]
He found out…badly. And he discovered that I already knew about it. Had known about it. He watched the video and… People snap. People don’t always think through the options. Emotion does that. I couldn’t let him kill Bucky, Tony. It’s what he was attempting to do until I disabled the armor. I didn’t know—
I didn’t know you weren’t him. That you hadn’t lived through what we had. I still don’t know where your motives are or if you knew about it, or if the Soldier did kill Howard in your timeline.
I couldn’t risk it and I’m sorry.
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[He isn't sure what he's hearing at first. The expression he gives Steve is confused and shocked, lacking anger initially because he just isn't sure he's really hearing what Steve says correctly. It sounds like a bad joke.]
My, my parents? Why would my parents ever come in contact with the- That's ridiculous.
[But while he says that, Tony's expression changes. And, yes, he does look angry now. Stern, offended, and maybe even disappointed in some way. Although it's hard to tell exactly what he's thinking.]
You're right. You should have told me. And you should have told him.
[As angry as he might have acted before, loud and confrontational and desperate, this time, Tony is quiet and serious.]
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It wasn't Bucky. It was his programming. You've got every right to be mad at me, pal. Every right. And I'll take any amount of anger you've got, but he's trying to be that stand up guy be use to be again. He's trying to get his feet back under him. His memory isn't the best either so he might not even know himself--
We were friends with Howard. [Kind of.] Buck's gotta be hurting about it if he knows.
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I can't believe you- Of all people-
[He realizes that he's not actually saying anything. Just stammering like an idiot over the network while his heart clenches in his chest. Tony didn't think he was going to be angry. Whatever Steve had to say, he told himself, it wasn't going to affect him. But now that he's hearing it, he can't believe that Steve would keep that secret.]
You should have said something! What did you expect to happen? Did you think so little of everyone else that you couldn't tell them about something that was important to them?
[Wait, wait.]
You were friends? [He would ask what cracked world they came from, but he's still angry at Steve for not being upfront with him.]
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