[log] Let the walls break- What we have they cannot take [Closed to Sad Losers]

[heroproceeding]

Characters: Kunsel (deus_ex_phs), Zack (heroproceeding), Zell (swatsflies), and Jim (rattlingthestars)
Location Building 141 [Post Office]
Date: Evening/Night of Day 122
Summary: THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN. And finding each other again after TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENED IN HOGWARTS SNOWHELL. As usual. TIME TO GET THE WHOLE GANG TOGETHER AGAIN.
Warnings: Likely lots of mentions of character death. Snot. More snot. Blah blah serious business.



[ BOO HOO HOO GHIBLI TEARS EVERYWHERE AGAIN.

MAKE YO' OWN TOPLEVELS, BITCHES. ]

Comments

[rattlingthestars]

Mm.

[ The next pause is a little longer still as Jim tries to remember the way the creature looked. It's insubstantial, like most dreams on waking; all he has is the impression of danger, teeth and glowing eyes- ]

There was a monster. I guess one of the people ShinRa hurt.

[ Both, at the same time, which is what made it so awful. ]

Knew I probably couldn't fight that off, so I tried to draw it away.

[heroproceeding]

One of the ones from the reactor... huh.

[ Those alone had been... Well, they'd been horrifying to find never mind find out that they had once been human. And that only had made his time under ShinRa manor worse during whatever conscious thoughts he had had. Is that what they would have become back there eventually if sickness hadn't pulled Cloud under? If his tolerance hadn't been that high?

He doesn't know and finds himself once more not wanting to know as he shifts in his seat a bit. ]

Hate to say it... but you're right on that one.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim gives Zack a sharp, almost wounded look that vanishes almost immediately. Zack's not wrong, but it still burns that Jim wasn't able to do anything much in the end. ]

-Guess so. Anyway. Tried my best to out-maneuver it, but that didn't work, either. Lucky by the time it had me pinned, you were ... back on your feet.

[ Jim knows Zack can hear the world of things he's not saying, but he's desperate to put it off for a few more minutes. ]

[heroproceeding]

[ It's impossible not to notice that look, however brief it is. But why takes him a second more of backtracking. Enough that by the time he's opened his mouth, Jim's talking again and Zack's left with his mouth hanging open, what words he had to say stuck at the back of his throat. Though whether it's the implication he's been left with or something else, it's hard to say at first.

Finally, Zack mutters quietly. ] I didn't mean that.. [ But it's quiet and almost feels pointless now to say it in the air that hangs between them. In the circumstance he can feel hanging over them and in Jim's words, but at this point, Zack doesn't say anything more. Just watches him expectantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop. ]

[rattlingthestars]

It's...

[ Jim makes a gesture, physically waving it off. It doesn't matter, it's not important, and it's nothing compared to what's coming. ]

You weren't yourself. You were a monster.

[ He regrets the word choice, as soon as he says it. Knows Zack's fears, remembers his own. He rushes ahead then, before Zack can react. ]

But you saved me.

[heroproceeding]

[ Weren't himself. Had been a monster.

It was a nightmare. Zack knows as much. Knows that and knows how much this town can warp them. Anyone- doesn't matter where you come from, what you do or believe in. The hallucinations and the fear and the confusion... He knows that.

But it doesn't change one thing. ]

Of course, I'd save you. [ There's no doubt in his tone as he says it, his voice louder and firmer than it's been the whole conversation as he looks up at Jim. ] I'd do everything in my power to do that.

[rattlingthestars]

Wasn't sure for a minute. [ Jim doesn't want to admit that, not when it's the first thing Zack's sounded confident about since this conversation began, but it's true. ] Then... I don't know, the way you moved or looked or something. It had to be you.

That wasn't the end of it, though. The people who were chasing us caught up, and they were a lot better armed.

[heroproceeding]

[ The way he looked.. or maybe it was just the whole dream thing. That whole sense of knowing. He's not sure. It isn't really important in the end with the how anyway, isn't it. Sure doesn't seem so anyway with what else Jim's bringing to attention and Zack grimaces. ] ShinRa, probably... They would'a been after me if I'd gotten out.

[ But there's something a little unsteady to those words and Zack finds himself looking away. ] Lemme guess. We ended up cornered.

[rattlingthestars]

On a cliff. It was raining.

[ It's an agreement, more or less. Jim had been expecting more of a reaction to the idea that Zack had become a monster. This part has Jim back on surer footing; it was only a nightmare, after all. ]

They opened fire, drove us back. You shielded me but we fell anyway.

And then I woke up.

[heroproceeding]

[ Zack sits as he does for a while yet, still not looking back. Though maybe there's a faint nod. Just a small one. But still, it takes him a full minute before he finally seems to come to out from whatever thoughts he'd gotten lost in.

Another firmer nod though and he finds Jim's eyes with his gaze, expression slightly pinched. ] ...Well. It sure as hell explains some things. [ Like how avid him and Zell had been to keep him out of the picture as far as the rest of the traps had gone. Not only had he bit it. But then Jim had witnessed his... Zack runs a hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] But.. just remember. It was a dream, okay?

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim winces, catching Zack's implication immediately. It's still a sore spot, but well... he's still not really sorry. In the end the last trap had been harmless but that didn't change the fact that it could've been anything. ]

It was a dream. But it wasn't just the dream.

[ He's not really sure how to explain it, so he settles on: ]

You died protecting me twice. I wasn't going to let you do it again.

[heroproceeding]

[ Zack opens his mouth to say something, mouth moving a little but nothing coming out before he closes it again with a grunt. No, he hadn't died twice. At least- not protecting Jim. He hadn't, but it sure felt real to Jim.

But that still... Zack finds his gaze burrowing into the floor, shaking his head a little. ] I can see where you're coming from.. but at least believe me when I say I'm not going out there planning to die. That's never been my mindset.

[rattlingthestars]

I know you're not. Neither am I.

[ Jim waits until Zack looks up, tries to catch his eye to make sure Zack gets the point. ]

You protect me anyway. You all do. You can't blame me for trying to do the same.

[heroproceeding]

No... I guess I really can't there. [ There's no real argument he can think of. If things were the other way around for them, Zack sure as hell knows he would still try, even if he lacked the experience other people had. He sure as hell hadn't let that stop him from facing Sephiroth.

Shaking his head slowly, he huffs a little to himself. ] I just hope we don't end up put in a position like that again. But that's like hoping it won't snow here again when it comes to this place.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim huffs, glad that Zack seems to have come around on it at least a little. He really hadn't intended to hurt his friend, but he also couldn't ever sit around and do nothing. ]

Yeah. Pretty sure things are going to get worse before they get better.

[ He nudges Zack affectionately. ]

But ... you're back. Zell and me are okay.

[heroproceeding]

Yeah... Yeah, we're all okay now. [ Mostly. At least as far as okay goes around there. It's hard to say how much okay there really is there...

But it's better off than being dead. Zack nods slowly but doesn't nudge him back or even seem to cast a glance his way regarding it. ]

That's what matters.

[rattlingthestars]

[ Jim notices the lack of nudging, or any kind of reaction, and wrinkles his eyebrows together.

That's... weird. ]

-Are we?

[heroproceeding]

[ Zack actually looks over at Jim this time, catching sight of that scrutinizing look. He tilts his own head, not entirely seeming to catch on to the implication. ]

..Yeah?

[rattlingthestars]

[ Slowly, Jim reaches out to poke Zack's cheek without saying anything. ]

[heroproceeding]

[ He sees the finger coming at him. Sees it all too clearly and a part of him goes cold as he watches it reach him. And while Zack attempts to pull back in tandem with that poke, there's an obvious delay. ]

What?

[rattlingthestars]

What did you say you lost, again?

[ They both know Zack hadn't mentioned it. ]

[heroproceeding]

..Nothing that should inhibit us getting around.

[ He just kinda.. shrugs vaguely. Even if he knows- he should just be honest, right? But really, it won't. It's not the loss of memories. And it's not like he can't move around.

..But Jim's never been all too pleased about him hiding things. And like Kunsel said before.. Zack runs a hand through his hair and sighs before reaching out to drop the same hand on Jim's head, very carefully ruffling his hair. ]

You feel this, right?

[rattlingthestars]

Does't mean it's not important.

[ Jim's blindness hadn't really inhibited them getting around, either, once they met up and he had a guide.

He makes a face when Zack ruffles his hair, automatically, but he gets the point. ]

-Yeah. I do. You can't?

[heroproceeding]

Not at all.

[ He shakes his head uneasily before just.. retracting his hand and placing it back on his knee where it was. Scrunching his nose, he looks forward and tries not to think too hard about it. ]

..It could be worse. Like memories or something. Some people've lost them when they came back until I guess the nanos fixed that, too. I should probably consider myself lucky.

[rattlingthestars]

Nothing about this situation is lucky. It sucks.

[ Jim doesn't want to make Zack feel worse about it, but he doesn't want him to pretend everything's okay when it's not, either. This place is so unfair. ]

It shouldn't last long.