snowblindrpg | [log] We tried the best we can [closed]

[For all that happened, for all that Frisk's spent much of the evening making miserable noises and apologies, they haven't cried. Maybe they're past that point. Maybe they did so much already they can't muster them now. Or maybe they're forcing them down with every fiber of their being. But they aren't crying.

They are wrapped in a little miserable Frisk-shaped ball against a wall of the shed. It's not exactly comfortable, but this building itself isn't the most comfortable of places.

They don't exactly feel like they deserve comfort either.

Maybe someone should talk them into calling Toriel. Or just give them a hug. Or something.]

[At some point while Steve was giving Shiro the bad news and giving the network the bad news and forcing himself to eat something and talking to Rydia and so forth, he'd sort of lost track of Frisk. As soon as he's able, he casts around for the kid, and his heart sinks when he spots them curled up against the wall, alone and miserable against the wall. He heads over immediately, settling down to sit next to them and tentatively resting a comforting hand on their back, watching them with a sad, concerned frown.]

...Hey, kiddo. How're you doing?

[Frisk flinches, curling even tighter in on themselves.]

I shoulda done something.

[Should have intervened. Called out. Given some kind of warning. ~~Stepped in the way~~. Anything besides stand there while Yukio was...

They should have done something.]

[Steve knows exactly how Frisk feels, but it breaks his heart that Frisk feels this way, that a little kid thinks they need to shoulder this burden. What does he say to the kid? How does he make this better?

He decides to start with the truth.]

...I feel the same way. I keep going over it again and again, thinking about what I could've done, what I should've done. I feel like I let him down. [He sighs.] ...I keep going over it, and there's... nothing. There's nothing I could've done, nothing any of us could've done, not really. It happened too fast, there wasn't time. ...Doesn't really make me feel any better, but there it is.

[He gives Frisk's shoulder a small squeeze.] It's not your fault, Frisk. It's not your responsibility.

[Funny that you should put it like that. In those exact words. Going over it again and again. Trying to find some other way, the right way that things could have gone. Just don't give up. Just stay determined. And keep trying again.

And again.

And again.

They're so

tired]

But I should. [feeling] I should be able to fix stuff but I can't. [so] Not here. [useless] It's the only thing I can do but now I can't.

[Their voice is low, anguished, their fingers snaking up to fist in their hair, nails digging into their scalp.]

Edited 2016-05-04 23:09 (UTC)

Whoa, whoa, hey, Frisk—c'mere. [Steve wraps his arm around Frisk's shoulders and tugs them in closer, distressed and alarmed by Frisk's distress.] Hey, shhhhh... what do you mean, you used to be able to fix stuff?

[Frisk curls themselves up even smaller ball, if such a thing were possible.]

I could go back.

[Remember their post from a couple days ago?]

[Steve blinks at the phrasing, remembering Frisk's post from a few nights ago, when—when Shiro and Toriel had been trapped out in the cold. At first, he'd missed the post entirely, distracted by the upsetting visions and memories. When he'd seen the obituary he'd gone back and glanced over it, but glancing was all he'd done. (Since it was after the fact and there was nothing he could do about it, sitting through a record of two friends dying while their kids could do nothing about it seemed... unnecessarily harmful to his mental and emotional health.) He remembers Frisk's hysterical babbling on the initial post about 'going back' but he'd thought it was just that, babbling, he hadn't known what it meant.

He blinks again, and remembers even further back—a discussion about Resets. He frowns, thinking.]

...You mean Resets, don't you. You had the power to reset reality, and change the outcome of events?

[Frisk stiffens slightly, and their head lifts to look up at Steve. They'd been babbling on the post the night mom had died, but they know they hadn't mentioned Resets then. They'd at least been able to keep themselves in check that much. So how did he-

That same conversation of what feels like months ago drifts back to the forefront of their mind, too, and now they definitely look the image of a child caught. Their mind scrambles, trying to remember what else they'd said. They can't really remember.

Slowly they lower their head back into their arms. But once its their, he'll see their hair shift up and down again a few times.]

[Frisk stiffens and then looks... slightly terrified, maybe, and Steve doesn't really know why but wow, no, that had not been his intention at all. He gives Frisk a little squeeze.] Aw, hey, don't look like that, Frisk—if it's some kinda secret I don't gotta tell nobody.

[Steve means it; he keeps his voice to a low murmur. He frowns down at Frisk, pondering this revelation. ...Jeez, that's—that's an unfathomable amount of power to have, really. For anyone, but especially for a little kid. He can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to deal with, how to understand what it means to have that power. Wanda's got immense power too, and she's young and struggling to deal with it, but she's not a child. ...Christ, this explains so much about Frisk. So much.

Now that Steve's thinking about it, he wonders if he should've been able to figure this out sooner. Frisk talked about people not being able to remember when a Reset happens, but Frisk knew all about it. Steve had kinda figured maybe it was just a feature of Frisk's world that people just generally knew about, but that's starting to look like it's not the case. And... oh.]

...Does your ma know?

[This time Frisk's head all but jerks up, hands tightening so much that their knuckles go white. If they'd looked terrified before, they look petrified now.]

She can't. Please- you can't tell her.

[More than half the time they'd Reset by dying. She can't know that, she just can't.]

[Steve's frowning, concerned. This is a big thing, and in his opinion Frisk's mother should know about it; and he doesn't like the idea of keeping secrets from Toriel, especially secrets concerning Frisk. On the other hand he doesn't want to break Frisk's trust, and he thinks he might do just about anything at the moment to not have Frisk look so damn terrified.]

Hey, shhhhh... [He lifts a hand to smooth Frisk's hair back, not quite able to help the impulse.] I meant what I said, I'm not gonna tell anyone if you don't want me to. ...Not even your ma. OK?

[They quiet a little at the soothing gesture, bowing their head a little bit. His words slowly make an impact, one by one; he wasn't going to tell anyone, not unless they wanted. They aren't sure if they'll ever want to, but, still.]

Thank you. [a beat where they breathe, slowly.] There's... stuff. About Resets. I don't... I don't want her to worry.

[Truthfully they don't want him to worry either, thus the vagueness.]

[Peggy may barely know Frisk, but she's not going to let a child suffer in silence and alone like this. Carefully, she walks over to Frisk, and kneels by their side, very conscious not to touch them until she's being told it's okay.]

Are you hungry? We have plenty of food.

[Peggy slides her backpack off her back, opening it and pulling out rations for Frisk, would they want them. All that she knows is that they lost their mother, Toriel.]

Alternatively, if you just want a hug, I'm happy to provide. Steve will tell you, I'm very good at them. [She smiles, hoping she'll get the child to, at least, look at her. She is no replacement for their mother, but she can try her very best.]

'm not hungry.

[Hunger is for people not wallowing neck-deep in guilt and frustration and helplessness. Hunger is for people who aren't blaming themselves for everything they could and couldn't fix.

They know their manners at least though, and they do shift their gaze over to look at her, though they can't meet her eyes for more than a second.]

Thanks.

Okay - you still need to eat, though.

[Peggy keeps her tone as soft as she can, not wanting to anger, upset or spook Frisk to close themselves up even further into their shell. She takes out a couple of rations, pushing them over to Frisk.]

Here. It wouldn't do anyone good for you to waste away.

[With her free hand, fingers splayed open, Peggy reaches out, softly rubbing at Frisk's shoulder. If they want to come closer, the offer is there.]

[Quark's been hanging around the school and the shed for the past couple of days, so when everyone showed up in such a state of panic and unrest, of course he had a suspicion about what happened. But instead of asking, he does the first thing that comes to mind: he walks over to where Frisk deposited themselves, sits beside them, and wraps them up in a hug.

He won't say that it's going to be okay, because it seems like every time anyone says that, things get so much worse. But he'll be there for his friend, with or without words. That's a promise.]

[Frisk's a bit startled at being touched, but they're even more startled at how the hug is a familiar one. Not one that they'd felt in a long time, though, since... since the last time they were outside the school. They hadn't even realized he'd been nearby, let alone that he was here. But more than that, a single thing hits them.

He's okay he's okay he's okay-

Frisk makes a quiet noise, a croak that's a mix of desperation and misery and relief, and Quark will find Frisk's own arms hugging him back tightly, almost like they're afraid he'll vanish if they let go.

Maybe they are.]

[Rydia is tired to see people dire, even if she never really spoke to Yukio, and there's nothing she can say right now: it's all... wrong. But even if the summoner is growing more and more convinced that the city is going to kill them all (Or they're going to kill each other) she knows there's a time to let depression catch up, when she travels alone, and a time to pretend everything is ~~almost~~ fine.

Not really knowing what to say anymore she approaches Frisk with a bottle filled with water and grenadine and the star plushie she and Toriel wanted to give them.]

Frisk...

[With a sigh she places her oversized green hoodie on their shoulders before sitting in front of them. Rydia seems unsure on what to say, even if she tries to open her mouth more than once, but in the end she simply leans forward to caress their head. ]

[Without even really thinking, Frisk leans gently into the touch. Even guilty and terrible as they feel, there's still an instinctual need to seek comfort. The hand on their head is gentle and soothing. They don't say anything immediately, and aren't able to be coaxed out of their little upset ball just yet, but they're grateful for her presence.

At last, they do lift their head a little.]

'm sorry.

[She leans closer, gently petting them and moving her hand behind their ears to scratch gently, as she'd do with a puppy. Despite being, well, used to touch others it's not like she ever got much experience with humans.]

Frisk... if you're talking about Yukio-[Of course they're talking about him...] There was nothing any of us could do.

[For a few minutes after the travelers stumble into the shed (flinching at shadows, it came out of the shed, it was so fast—) Steve is just sort of—stunned, not sure how to react, how to feel, what to do with himself. The grief and the guilt starts creeping in, and he thinks—shit, Shiro. He has to tell Shiro what happened to his son. Fuck.

He messages Shiro, and when Shiro doesn't answer right away (Steve can't blame him), Steve is left kind of... stunned and floating again. He ends up just sort of standing in the middle of the floor, looking lost.]

Steve -

[Peggy steps close to Steve, rubbing a hand up and down his arm. He tried; she tried, too, but Steve - the weight of Yukio's death is visibly pressing down on his chest, his shoulders, and Peggy wants to help, so bad. She knows this feeling all too well.]

I'm sorry, Steve. You did everything you could.

[She wraps a hand around one of Steve's, her thumb pressing against his pulse point, before pulling him gently into a hug, but giving him the space to pull away if he so desires.]

[Steve goes readily into the hug, pulling Peggy close and turning his head to hide his face in her hair.]

...I didn't do anything!

[Taking a deep breath, Peggy lets Steve sag against her, taking more of his weight than she thought capable. He needs this, though; she'll do her best.]

You did and - what happened is terrible, it's terrible, Steve, but you saved the rest of us. Do not forget that.

Did I, though? [The frustration in his voice is evident.] That's not how I remember it. It came, it took him, it was gone. I was a Goddamn bystander!

And do you think any of us would be better off if it took you, too?

[It's hard to try and reason with Steve, because she completely understand where Steve is coming from; she shares some of his frustration. But there's no point in dwelling on what ifs. If she did, she'd still be in that morgue, looking over herself.]

You have to survive, Steve, all right? You can't just leave me behind, you hear me? Not again. [It's dirty pool to say that, Peggy knows. She's not above it.]

[Rydia approaches him only when Peggy leaves, so much for a great reunion between friends, Steve looks like... crap. And she may not be too better but- be strong for others and then mourn when you're alone, that's her motto now.
Without knowing better she just bumps against his back, hugging him from behind and wrapping her arms around his waist. remember when she was a complete mess and you reassured her and gave her enough strenght to keep moving? Eh, it's not exactly the same thing but...]

They can raise the dead here... and once we find out what is really going on here we will put our hands on that technology. If Yukio isn't back by then, we will...
...
We will bring everyone back and have a great, massive party together.

[Eh, at least she tried?]

[Steve twitches a little and turns his head, but when he sees Rydia's green hair he sort of... deflates a little, relaxing into her hold. It's comforting and familiar and... safe feeling. He shakes his head a little at her words, mouth ticking up into a sad sort of smile. It's optimistic to the point of being naïve, and it's... such a Rydia thing to say.

Steve detaches her arms from his waist, but only so he can turn around and hug her back, holding her tight.]

Rydia... sorry, we kinda skipped the hellos. Gosh, it's been a long time, hasn't it?

[He hasn't seen her since—since she died. But she came back. Maybe Yukio will, too. Maybe she's right. Maybe everything will be OK.]

My God it's good to see you.

[He's missed her; he hadn't really realized how much until now. They'd been through so much together, when he was new here, and alone. She'd watched his back, looked after him when he needed help, comforted him when he was upset, talked to him and listened to him so he didn't have to be lonely. It feels damn good to have her near again; Steve hugs her tighter, and in a rush of affection lifts her off her feet briefly, chuckling a little before setting her down. He pulls back a little so he can look at her, and his smile is a somewhat sad smile, but it's a real one.]

I'm glad we ran into you, even under the circumstances. It's been too long. ...How are you, how have you been?

[Rydia is ready to let him go but after he pulls her back the summoner just closes her eyes for a moment enjoying the closeness. Oh, she missed this so much, it's been a while from the last time she hugged anyone and Steve has always been one of her dearest friend in that hellish city...]

I don't know if I will ever forgive you for not saying hi, Steve...

[It's been a long time indeed, more than a month and since then she's been mostly alone, you can imagine how happy she is just being there, between his arms. Rydia giggles when she'd lifted up and as soon as she's back on the ground she places both hands on his shoulders and raises herself as she can, on the tip of her toes, to stamp a kiss on his nose.]

I'm really glad I got to meet you too, Steve, I missed you so much. And I could be better but I can't complain too much. What about you? [She cups his face with both hands, trying to offer Steve a somehow... decent smile. She's sad, tired and in pain but... he's there and that's a real blessing.]

Look at you, you look messier than ever... [Please, don't mind a shower of motherly kisses on your cheeks, Steve, Rydia is rather physical in showing her affection and you're one of the people she cares the most here]

[Steve chuckles when she sasses him about not saying hello. He's mildly embarrassed by all the attention and physical affection, but it's nice, too, and he puts up with it with good grace. Between Rydia and Ginger he's had to become a huggier person in Norfinbury or just be really uncomfortable all of the time.

His smile and his voice go soft.]

I missed you too. And... today, the past few days? Not great. Doing well enough otherwise, I suppose. Helps to have Peggy around.

[Well, aside from the frequent bursts of terror that he might lose her to this place, which Yukio's sudden death has not helped in any way, at all.

He gives her a lopsided smile.]

Guess I could maybe use a haircut.

[Gahh, but now she's kissing him all over his face, and Steve is embarrassed now, scrunching up his face and squirming.]

Hey— Rydia, cut that out, you'll make Peggy jealous. [He is ENTIRELY JOKING but maybe it's a good excuse and/or distraction anyway.]

[After talking with Steve and Frisk Rydia just sat down against she shed's door, feeling a bit safer knowing her weight could stop something from sneaking inside: a stupid thought considering everything is sealed by night but sometimes the instinct is stronger than the brain... right?

It was better being alone, really, even if her body keeps reminding her she's not fine with a costant pain keeping her awake until she collapses and even if she craves for physical warmth and someone's touch she's not endagering anyone as long as she travels alone. And, yes, her morale sinked again after witnessing Yukio's death but it's not the time to show it to others, right? Right.]

...

[Rydia bites her own lips, the silence is heavy in the small building and that's why (even if it could be considered almost offensive since one of their friends just died) she starts singing]

Eidolon mother, where you been?
You look so worn, so thin
You're a fighter, a devil's maker
Let me hear you sing, hey ya hey ya

[Let's admit it, her world's lullabies aren't exactly what one would consider lullabies on the surface, but that's the only non depressing song that's crossing her mind right now. Even Rosa's favorite lullaby, what the white mage always called the 'theme of love' is just so... sad. And maybe, with a little effort, she could try to make it a song for the people in the city, somehow? She takes a deep breath before continuing, skipping a whole part she wouldn't know how to change, not right now.]

Dear friend, oh, don't give up, oh keep the spirit strong
Watch it grow, child of snow, keep holdin' on!

[Hardly a great song and Rydia's voice is raspy and a bit off tune but she just continues. And she'll probably keep singing for a while, just because it seems the right thing to do, at least to distract the others from the pain. And because, really, the silence is just too much to handle.]

When I run through the cold snow wasterland long after this begun, Where the sun would set, houses were dead and the company was none
And I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place, Even if there was no sound, I wouldn't give up to my disgrace.

Edited 2016-05-05 10:42 (UTC)

[The lurch forward leaves the boss monster a little tired, but she moves forward. The prospect of seeing her child again gives Toriel more than enough energy. The thought of any friendly face is a relief from the loneliness of being on her own.

When she arrives at the building, she knocks before entering. Without her voice she has to just make her presence known with that.]

[log] We tried the best we can [closed]

I believe I was promised a cuddlepile, evening 112

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Evening 112; come tell Steve it's not his fault and yes, cuddles, he would also like cuddles

[slightly earlier than with Frisk]

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[[yes, I cheated, the post is actually really short? shame on me]

Late morning 114