[network] morning 113 - text - @claytonator; DAMAGE CONTROL [open]

[dr_unconscious]

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately--seems like I haven't been giving myself the chance to do enough of it. Realized I owe some apologies. I would send most of these out privately, but I also realize that one of the issues I've been giving people is lack of accountability, so. I want to put these out where everyone can make sure I'm doing this right. Trade one public spectacle for another, I guess.

To House: There's no excuse for the suffering you went through because of me. I should've sent your pills back as soon as they arrived. My own paranoia of using Admin's medical assistance clouded my judgement in a way that wasn't fair to you or Rhys and made a joke of my profession. I'm glad you're healed now, and I'll trust you to make good progress with the rest. You don't have to worry about me taking them again.

To Beckett: Maybe you really are selfish, but I can't blame you for lashing out at me like you have when I've been so absolutely stifling to you. A lot of things are different for you from at home--there's a lot for you to figure out about yourself, and your natural curiosity lends you to explore it as much as you can. It's wrong of me to try and smother that out of you and berate you for trying things for yourself. You're smart enough to work all that out on your own. I'm still here to help, if you need me.

To Angel: People trust you for a reason and it was pretty dumb of me to question why. I don't think you would ever tell people to harm themselves for any reason. I have no idea what possessed me to imply that you would. Frustration, panic, lack of self-worth, I guess...none of that's excusable for my behavior and I feel awful for having ever doubted you. You're bright and compassionate and a much better leader for these people than I could ever be. You're capable of making your own decisions and I ought to respect that. I haven't been. I'm sorry.

To Rhys: I really haven't given you the credit and care that you deserve. What you did last week was very brave. I know you knew this wasn't going to end well, but you did it for the sake of the town; I should be commending you for standing up for everyone, not blaming you for hurting yourself. It was noble. I'm sorry for doubting you, and I hope you feel well enough to see your sacrifice pan out.

To Jade and Brian: The town as my witness, I promise to never meddle in either of your affairs unless you explicitly ask me to, here and after we leave. I know just apologizing isn't enough, so the least I can do is stay out of both of your lives so you two can survive with some ounce of peace.

To Steph, if you ever get to see this: I should have supported you more. I'm so sorry.

And to Norfinbury: Claiming that any of you can't make decisions for yourselves was downright insulting of me. We need to get out of here. I would prefer if we could do it peacefully, and I know I'm not capable of going through with anything quite so drastic as what happened recently, but...I can't keep holding onto that view, and I sure as hell can't force it on everyone else. My job isn't to stop people from putting themselves in harm's way, or even to decide what is and is not ultimately harmful for them; my job is to support those that are hurt, no matter what they've done, and make sure they survive whatever they've been through so they can enjoy living again. I lost sight of that, I don't know how many months ago, and I've been a real ass about it in the meanwhile. I'm sorry. I'll do my best to improve, if any of you are still willing to let me.

Comments

@totheark, text

[0thingsonmymind]

*He'd bitch about Clayton being a lying liar who lies..but he just doesn't have the energy. So instead all Clayton gets in response is.*

fu ck you

@guardian; text;

[phaseshifter]

You're still kind of a douchebag and I'm still a *little* mad, but apology accepted.
(I mean no offense with the douchebag thing. I mean, you're still a good person. Just also a part-time douchebag.)
Friends?

Also for the record I'm not a leader and never aspired to be so that part of what you said is pretty irrelevant \o__o/

text

[dr_unconscious]

No, I understand. I appreciate that you're still willing to tolerate me anyway. Thank you.

Maybe you weren't planning on being one, but it seems pretty clear to me that people look up to you and respect you. They put a lot of trust in what you can do for them. That doesn't mean you have to lead them, I guess, but it's still a lot of responsibility.

@hotstud_xxx; text

[rubikscomplex]

cool story, bro
assuming you'll find some other way to meddle and screw up
but i'm sure this made you feel better

text

[dr_unconscious]

I don't think anyone would be surprised if I did.
Here's hoping I don't.

@dickcheese; text

[headjacked]

[ Angel reading this aloud in a silly voice has kept his vitriol at bay. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter and vicodin. ]

OK.
But you're still not my doctor anymore.

text

[dr_unconscious]

I understand. Not really in the area to help you right now even if you wanted me to. I'm glad you're still able to get what you need.

[eclecticbassist]

fyi lying out your ass and telling someone i threatened to kill you is still "meddling" sooooooo
unless that no-meddling thing only starts today youre already full of shit

@totheark, text

[0thingsonmymind]

what

@milkevoli; text

[brokethefirst]

Thank you for doing this.

[She's still WORRIED AS ALL HELL FOR YOU YOU BIG BABY but seeing that he didn't just dwell on it and leave hate to spew wherever it pleased makes her proud, in an affectionate sort of way.]

text

[dr_unconscious]

Thanks for being patient with me. I know I don't make it easy.

[CASE IN POINT the fact that they aren't traveling together right now]

[private] @SceptredIsle; text

[keepscalm]

A grand gesture, certainly.

But do you plan to tell Ginger with whom you're currently travelling?

private text

[dr_unconscious]

[Wait what another one? Luna why]

She already talked to me a couple days ago. Not sure anything I could say would help.

@determination, voice

[despiteeverything]

[Deep breaths in and out. It's still not easy right now. Yukio's death is still really raw, Toriel's and Shiro's not much better, though they're back at least. But this hits a few chords. Some good, some bad.]

I think it's okay. Or... maybe not okay but not... not really terrible.

[Not unforgivable. They weren't happy with Vicogate or any of the associated, but he's apologizing. He's trying.]

We all make mistakes. Sometimes... they're really big ones. But... that doesn't mean that's all. That doesn't mean that you can never come back from that, or start over.

We can all be just a little better, if we try.

[...]

Please... please don't give up though. That we can do this without hurting or fighting each other or dumb stuff like that. We shouldn't have to.

[Someone they knew had once told them the world was Kill or Be Killed. They'd done everything to prove that he was wrong. The can't let go of that now.]

text

[dr_unconscious]

That's the hope and that's what I'll do my best to strive for. Everyone deserves it.
It's...nice, to hear that kind of optimism from you. Thank you, Frisk. I'm glad.

[...]

What's the longest time you've ever been away from home?

@hjack69; text

[youarethebandits]

lmao

text

[dr_unconscious]

Okay, I'll bite. Why?

@Mnemosyne; video; morning Day 114

[bookofnope]

[Beckett knows that Clayton won't be able to hear him, which is maybe for the better. But he wants his meaning to come across properly. No misunderstandings. So he switches the video on instead. It lets Clayton see his eyes, bruised, bloodshot from lack of sleep, but it does also show that Norfinbury's stubbornest vampire has for once allowed himself to be bundled up in a blanket or three. And his sad, painfully sad smile.]

You have... frankly astonishing timing.

text

[dr_unconscious]

[Clayton can't hear him, but that video definitely does what it's supposed to do. Worry claws at his gut in spite of his best attempts to approach his reply calmly.]

Must be a talent.
Do I want to know why?

@zd; text

[swatsflies]

+1 to what G.H. says pretty much, man.
I'll believe it when I see it.

text

[dr_unconscious]

Then I guess I have a lot of work to do. I'll give it my best.

Text; @Summoner

[ninjainviolet]

People make mistakes all the time and deserve the chance to correct them. However, the more that are made--even with good intentions--the more people tend not to trust the person making them because then they feel betrayed.

[ And Sheena has this "thing" about traitors. ]

text

[dr_unconscious]

Yeah, I understand. I'll do my best not to make more than I already have.

@Spoiler ; audio ; Night 113

[spoileralert]

You're not my real dad.

[ This is a stock joke, and her tone reflects it. ]

voice - @claytonator

[dr_unconscious]

I'd be more worried if I was, honestly.

[And there's the amused, but relieved stock reply. Clayton's voice is hushed.]

Steve warned me 'bout ya. Can you get yer tablet t' read text out to ya? Might help things a bit.