ＥＮＧＬＡＮＤ♛ Arthur Kirkland (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
keepscalm) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2016-04-04 01:34 am
keepscalm) wrote in snowblindrpg2016-04-04 01:34 am
Entry tags:
[log] you might have seen the end [closed]
Characters: England and Ginger
Location N7, building 100
Date: Night 101 and through night 102, maybe day 103?
Summary: England and Ginger have a super fun stay at Andromeda's house. The most fun.
Warnings: Mentions of character death, murder, suicide, probably alcoholism. Will edit for anything else.
[It's going to be an interesting few days.]
Location N7, building 100
Date: Night 101 and through night 102, maybe day 103?
Summary: England and Ginger have a super fun stay at Andromeda's house. The most fun.
Warnings: Mentions of character death, murder, suicide, probably alcoholism. Will edit for anything else.
[It's going to be an interesting few days.]
night 101
England doesn't watch the whole video. He thinks about it, but— but if his tablet breaks, he won't be able to message anyone else who might need him. And he'll definitely need to message Beckett, because England doesn't want to believe that he's not going to come back.
Still, it's a struggle to stop the video, and when he does, he bodily shoves the tablet out of arm's range so that he's not tempted to turn it back on. It skids along the floor, screen facing down, and stops forlornly somewhere past the end table. He draws his knees up where he's seated on the floor with his back against Andromeda's bed. Despite his company (or, perhaps, because of it), England buries his face in his hands and just tries to breathe deeply despite the tremors that wrack his shoulders.]
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At first, she tries to give him space. But that's not really the way that Ginger operates. And she's so...so worried! It isn't too much later after England's abandoned the video feed that she dares to peek in on him--and then shuffle tentatively closer.]
England? Sweetie?
[Another hesitation, and then she lowers herself by his side.]
Is there anything I can do for you?
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He does lift his face from his hands so he looks a little less pathetic, but that might be counter-productive — it's clear from the tight expression on his face that he's near tears. He sets his jaw and takes another steadying breath, his eyes boring a hole in the tablet resting on the floor.
There's nothing she can do to alleviate the guilt he feels. She can't bring Beckett back, she can't make sure America is safe, and she can't convince England that he hasn't failed. He thinks about the whiskey bottle in his rucksack.
Without looking at her, he answers after a long moment of silence, his voice quiet and pulled tight with restrained emotion.] You may sit with me, if you'd like.
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[So she gets comfortable by his side, because it seems like this is going to be a very long night. Even though Ginger doesn't know what to do--or what she can do, really--she does know that she can't leave him there all alone. She wouldn't want to be alone if she was feeling bad about something like this. She knows she can't understand what England is going through, but that doesn't mean she can't feel for him.
She puts a hand on his shoulder--and then an arm around his shoulder. Hopefully he didn't mean "you may sit with me but remember to give me my personal space" because that probably isn't on the agenda.]
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So he can't help but tense a little when Ginger's arm slides over his shoulders, uncertain of how he should be reacting to such a form of comfort. Even he and America don't really do this much, not without a lot of beating around the bush and pretending it's not really an emotional consolation, it's just because it's cold.
But after a few moments, he becomes accustomed to the weight of her arm around him, and decides it isn't that bad; it's certainly not worth shrugging her off and making her upset, as well.
Eventually, his shoulders slump again with the weight of his exhaustion, and without thinking better of it, he speaks.] We just saw him this morning. How could I not have known?
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[A small consolation, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.]
He doesn't seem to confide in many people...maybe he didn't really plan it before hand.
[Probably not true. But Ginger has no way of knowing how or why he came to this conclusion. It seems so...unnecessary and scary and sad.]
Nobody can know if he didn't talk about it, right?
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England folds his arms over his chest, despondent.] No, I suppose not. But I...
[He can't stand it, the way this place works. England doesn't feel empty, but he does feel static, and that's almost as bad.] ...we're supposed to know. We can feel it, when our people are in pain.
[And Beckett must have been, to do something like that. Right?
Bitterly, England adds:] Or we could, before we got stuck here.
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[Ginger stares at his sad, sad face and she just wants to cry for him. For him, so he doesn't have to. But that wouldn't solve anything, of course, even if she wishes so hard that it could. Her voice becomes smaller, unsure of her words but not wanting to just say silent--it feels cruel, somehow, like she hasn't heard him.]
You still do feel it, don't you? I mean...not in the same way but, like...
[Is this making it worse? She hopes it isn't making it worse. Her eyes flick downwards in uncertainty.]
I just mean you're hurting so much for him as much as you can...even though I don't think you deserve to hurt about anything, ever.
[But she doesn't think anyone deserves to hurt for anything ever so he can take that as he will.]
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[There's still a bitter edge in his voice. If he'd just known, he could have done something to stop this. Now, he's left with this awful, chewing guilt that he doesn't know what to do with.
Except unload it on Ginger, apparently. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, finding the presence of mind to be exasperated with his own dramatics.] Sorry. I know you're trying to help.
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[The arm she has around his shoulders squeezes him more tightly, trying in her way to be encouraging.]
I'm sorry. That you, like, got something super important taken away from you. And that something this awful happened. It's not a nice feeling, to be helpless...
[She knows that much, at least, if to a different end and different extent. No matter what, it isn't easy.]
Anything you need to get off your chest, don't even worry. Cross my heart, this is all between us.
[Look! She's crossing it! And then double-crossing it! And then...triple crossing with a slight measure of uncertainty because double crossing is bad, right? Cause that negates the first cross, but the third one makes it okay again.]
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Her motion catches his attention out of the corner of his eye, and he watches the gesture with distant confusion. After a moment, he finds himself asking after it, because why the hell not? It's probably better than thinking about what he would have done differently.] ...did you cross it a few times because it makes it more of a secret?
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[Ginger spaces out for a second, like she can't remember what she just did. Her hand sort of hovers awkwardly where it had been.]
I mean, like, the first time? I was totally like, oh, if I do it twice that's, like, double the promise power! But then I realized, wait a gosh darn second, if I cross my heart twice does that mean I just double-crossed my heart? And double-crossing is like taking it back, right? So I totally cancelled it out and that won't do at all! So then I did it a third time so it's okay again.
[She gives him a wide, confident smile. She's got your back. Like, totally.]