[network] @arachnidsGrip; night 89; [open] [cw: references to child murder]

[fairygodtroll]

Guys. Guys. Norfinbruhs. The fuck?

[ Oh hey, the kid Handsome Jack strangled is alive again! Not that she sounds especially thrilled. The pervading vibe here is definitely judgey as shit. ]

Look at you. Everybody fussing and meddling and flipping the fuck out. Like wigglers! Gross fleshy human chestbursting wigglers. Did you collectively miss that whole thing where I explicitly and truthfully stated that I was hells of cool with the whole getting-killed business? Like, I wasn't too subtle about that, right? Did I fucking stutter?

You guys can soil your gross human underthings all you want about how 'ooh, Jack might handsomely murder other people, boohoo I'm a scared little fleshbaby,' but that ain't even up to him. It is up to the Winter chick! The power is all in her hands here. Maybe you guys should be mobilising against the raging fuck contagion who refuses to tell us how she can be dead and talking? Ugh. And this is all assuming that he really would kill unwilling people! You don't know for sure that he would. No crime has been committed! I think. Earth laws might be incredibly fucked up? Who knows.

Whatever. So you guys can lay the fuck off now! Handsome Jack did nothing wrong.

Comments

@totheark; text

[0thingsonmymind]

whywould you
w a n t
to die
?









get your med i cal rec ords a gain
things changewith
death

[fairygodtroll]

It was for a good cause! To show Winter that Jack meant 8usiness. I am kind of a hero, this is 8asically what I do. ::::)
And ok I guess? I'll ask for them tomorrow when I am in a place that doesn't give me the major hee8ie-jee8ies.

@MarbleHornets; text

[genreblindness]

Ok this whole thing is really stupid and I'm not really sure what's even going on but
didn't the guy pretty much explicitly say that he WOULD kill unwilling people?

[fairygodtroll]

People say lots of things!
He said he would PRO8A8LY kill unwilling people. Pro8a8ly! Which means it is not definite. If you could try to thresh some8ody solely 8ecause they made some intimid8ting-8ut-handsome threats, I would 8e dead like a 8illion times over!

@zachtastic; text

[majorlazer]

you are a goddamn idiot.

[fairygodtroll]

No u.

@determination, text

[despiteeverything]

you're awful

both of you

[fairygodtroll]

Yeah, we are used to 8eing misunderstood heroes. It is our tragic f8!
8et you won't 8e complaining when me and Jack 8ust every8ody out of here, 8u8.

@gardenGnostic; text

[eclecticbassist]

[ Ugh.

Jade doesn't have the energy to do the talking-and-emoting thing right now, especially not after seeing this. She puts her face in her hands -- shoving her glasses up in the process -- and groans for a several seconds before attempting to respond. ]

oh my fucking GOD
ok i realize this conflicts with your image as *~*~master schemer~*~* and all-knowing badass
but take it from someone who has been here a little longer than you: jack is an indiscriminate murderer
probably even by your standards
he pretends doing shit like this for 'heroic' reasons is justifiable too
but unlike you he doesnt actually believe his own half-baked excuses
not as much anyway
it is so obvious you are just being manipulated it would be sad if you werent so remorselessly awful

@hjack69; text

[youarethebandits]

Actually I do believe what I say, kiddo. Don't put words in my mouth.

[fairygodtroll]

Lol. Acting like you know him or me or the secret heroic plans we have 8een cooking up! That is adora8le.
In a 8oring and useless kind of way! O8viously. That pretty much goes without saying.
Who else has Jack killed while he's 8een here, 8ro? I mean, wow! An indiscrimin8 murderer MUST have other victims among us. Riiiiiiiight? ::::)

@dickcheese; text

[headjacked]

Hi yeah take it from someone who actually knows the man extremely well:

He did everything wrong.

[fairygodtroll]

 

 

 

What's a dickcheese.

@Ecks | text

[ecks]

Most people object to being murdered. I had thought that attitude was common to all people, and that is why one should not murder others.

If you do not object to being murdered, that is different. I also do not think Handsome Jack did anything wrong in committing this specific murder.

[fairygodtroll]

Holy fucking shit. Some8ody who gets it! Some8ody who does not require me to sigh and roll my eyes in their general direction. Some8ody with SENSE. Intelligence! A fully functioning thinkpan.
Congratul8tions, 8uddy. You are now part of an incredi8ly exclusive clu8. One that only admits mem8ers who have a fucking 8rain. ::::)

@hsiaoke; voice

[heavensreader]

[Kesara is not here to comment on the complex morality at hand. She is eleven and loves her spooky stories, so she has a much more pertinent question:]

Did it hurt very much? Being strangled to death?

[fairygodtroll]

Huh? What, no way! I am hells of tough. I mean, it didn't feel great, but Handsome Jack is a merciful hero and made it incredibly quick. He's cool like that. Plus his hands are like, huge. Super suited to strangling somebody with barely any effort at all!

Bleeding to death slowly sucked way harder. Just eff why eye.

@gravedigger; voice

[harlequinofhate]

HAH! Look who's alive and kickin' again.

You seem well for someone who's been strangled, sport.

[fairygodtroll]

Sport?

 

 

 

I mean, uh. Duh! I am hells of well. I ain't the type of wimpy weaky-weak wiggler who'd sit and cry about taking a few days out to be dead! God.

video, @frfujimoto

[lionson]

Oh good, you came back.

Also, Jack has a rather dark past here, and he was already on thin ice for things that happened a few weeks ago. A lot of people put their trust in him that he would behave, so killing you threw that back in their faces.

Try not to die again, by the way. Sometimes people don't come back, and we haven't figured out why that is.

[fairygodtroll]

Uh, he is behaving! He ain't committed any crimes. And I bet a whole nookload of people here have shady-as-fuck pasts! Some people are just open and honest about them while other people wrap them up in snuggleplanes and hope nobody notices.

And, like. I was obviously going to come back? I am kind of too awesome not to.

@griever; Audio

[canyouhandlethismany]

You know that this isn't going to piss off anyone but the rest of the residents?

And most of us has a morality system where random murders aren't allowed, even when they end up in the assisted suicide category.

[fairygodtroll]

Hey, genius, I didn't want to die. I was just willing to die! There is a difference. So it wasn't technically suicide! Fuck you and fuck your weirdass morality system where killing somebody who permitted it is scary and wrong.

@lazybones91

[bonefriend]

heya, welcome back from the dead.
i'm surprised that you're surprised that people wouldn't raise a fuss over watching a guy strangle someone live on camera. that disclaimer was suspicious no matter how you looked at it, right?
besides, isn't it nice being worried over?

[fairygodtroll]

I GUESS it may have sounded suspicious if you are a gr8 8ig untrusting asslord? 8ut man. All the talk a8out incarcer8tion and junk! LAME.
Heroes should 8e TREATED like heroes! Not chased down like squeak8easts in a trap. This is elementary stuff, 8one 8ulge 91.
And I guess SOME people would like to 8e worried a8out, 8ut not me! I am a strong independent troll who don't need no fussing. It is actually pretty tiresome when people think I am some kind of wiggler who needs protection!

@caligulasAquarium; Text

[unconchonable]

yeah i wwasnt all too sure wwhy the fuck all these damn pink skins kept losin their damn sponges ovver the fact he killed you
if anythin i thought it wwas pretty bad ass evven if a cleaner of a job than you likely deservved
but anywway
gotta admit vvris im a little surprised by you doin your part in this i didnt think youd lowwer yourself so much to let a human kill you

@arachnidsGrip; text; PRIV8!

[fairygodtroll]

Lol. I knew you would appreci8 their collective pants-shitting! 8ut it seems the full reaches of my little stunt have escaped you. I guess it 8n't surprising! What with my talent for scheming and plotting and planning. ::::)
Guess what the humans 8n't doing while they are flipping their shits a8out incredi8ly 8rave and cute girls getting killed?
M8TING.
I 8ought us time for Oper8tion 8ulge8lock! Duh.

 

 

And just fyi Handsome Jack is actually pretty cool for a human. Almost troll-like in spirit!
And he has the very 8est scar I have ever seen in my life, holy shit. I don't know why he doesn't show his face on video! That shit is intimid8ting as FUCK.