Characters: Zack, Tifa, Zell, Kunsel, and... Jim? Kind of? Location: House 43 Date: Day 72 Summary: Jim tries to take out a monster and fails miserably. Warnings: Death, violence, grief? You know, Snowhell stuff.
Yeah, I guess... but you can't deny that... [ He finds himself sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck despite himself. Shaking his head, he grunts halfheartedly. ] I just don't really know what else to do. I mean having you in the back and me in the front or vice versa even- that only goes so far, too, you know.
[ And while they've been pretty avid to just stick together... even that only works so well. It certainly hadn't stopped them from losing Hiro. And now Jim... He lets out an audible exhale. ]
[Zack's got his arm around him, but it's simple enough to lean into his hold. He understands. He knows exactly what Zack's feeling, and where this idea is coming from. But...]
You can't protect everyone from everything, Zack. [His voice is soft, filled with regret.] It's impossible. Even if we had all our strength back, there isn't enough strength in the world to prevent anything and everything bad.
[ When Kunsel leans in, that just prompts Zack to do likewise. Even if those next words hurt, even if they make a part of him sink hearing them... He can't deny the truth to them. He knows it's an ugly one, one that his friend hates to admit, but that doesn't make it any less of one. Zack shakes his head a little. ]
I know that, Kuns. But we... [ He pauses one moment. Gives him a squeeze on the shoulder the next before his gaze darts up, eyes narrowed. ] We gotta try. We're SOLDIER. That's what we do. But more than that, you're all...
We're all old enough to take some responsibility for ourselves. Even Jim...
[Jim, who'd been the youngest and least experienced of the five of them.]
Putting any of us on a leash isn't the answer. Maybe we can stick a little closer, but we still need room to act if something happens without preventing someone else from reacting. [He takes a breath, knowing this subject is still sensitive, but he needs it to make his point.] You told me you would have been monster chow if Hiro hadn't jumped in the way. What would have happened if you'd been holding onto him at the time?
...That doesn't exactly make him feel any better or any less guilty of the situation and what came of it though, but... he knows Kunsel has a point, too, really. Yes, they need to be able to react. Yes, they need to give each other the space in order for that to be a thing. Yes, they....
His blood runs cold. At first, he says nothing in answer for a long minute. But just when it seems like he's not going to say anything, his voice breaks the silence once more. ]
I would'a gone down with him... but at least then it wouldn't'a been without a fight. [ He speaks it... with a certainty. But also a quiet determination. He hadn't been able to react because it happened too fast, but if that hadn't been the case... He'd made a promise, after all. ]
[It's easy to tell how badly this is getting to Zack, too. The expression on his face, the tension in his shoulders, the way his Gongagan accent becomes just a little more noticeable. In the past, Kunsel's always been able to use those tells to figure out when his friend needed help. Now...
He's not sure how to help. He doesn't even know how to help himself. So all he can ask, quiet and to the point, is...]
[ Zack... slowly shakes his head at that. ] Can't say it would have.
[ He can't hide some of the bitterness that laces in those words. It's frustrating... but that doesn't make it any less true. Zack takes a deep breath. Lets it out slowly. ] Can't say it would'a helped any of you either. [ Not that he, himself, being there had seemed to do much good lately, but... Still. ]
Listen, Kuns... I'm not gonna throw my life away here. But I am gonna keep trying and fighting for a ticket outta here. [ He takes a moment to scratch at his stubble uncomfortably before shifting in his seat, winding his arm a little tighter around Kunsel, looking at the floor. ] We've.. already lost so many people. [ He glances up then, eyes narrowed. ] I don't wanna lose you, too. You.. or Tifa. Or Zell. None of you.
[That determination, that conviction, at least makes the corner of Kunsel's mouth crook up. It's not a smile, can't be a smile in the face of all that's happened to them, but it's... something, at least.]
We don't want to lose you either, Zack. [He takes in a breath, then lets it out, moving his arm around to find his own hug.] I'm not saying you shouldn't fight. I'm not saying to give up if it looks like we're in trouble again. Just... It's like we're driving on ice here. Don't overcorrect just because the car veered to the left. Don't feel like extreme compensation is the only answer here.
[ There's something about that tiny hint of... well, something hopeful in turn that brings him at least a little bit of comfort. Kunsel's still stubborn as anything to get back up on that chocobo just as much as himself- even if it's hard. Even if it seems impossible to make it through what they're making it through. His own mouth twitches in turn- before he stiffens from those words, even as he's folded into that one-armed hug. ]
You make too much damn sense sometimes, you know. [ But despite the weak verbal shove Kunsel's way, Zack finds himself winding his other arm around his companion and holding to an embrace. Tighter than usual. ]
[ He might not be able to see the smile, but he hears it in his friend's voice all the same. It doesn't surface one of his own, but at least... at least something's going right in all this wrong. It's a small something... but those small somethings are better than nothing.
He huffs a bit, but it's more tired than feigned offense. ] Sounds I need to step up my game.
[ That gets barely something of a gruff huff out of Zack. Half-hearted but there all the same. ]
Guess I can deal with that. I know someone who's pretty good at having my back anyway. [ Even in all his despair, there's a rough hint of fondness touching the surface of those words. ]
[ Despite the light jab, he gives the fellow SOLDIER a soft squeeze before he finally extracts himself from that hug, arm returning to that looping around his friend's shoulders as he just leans on him instead. His expression takes on something more serious then as he murmurs. ] Gonna get outta here... No matter what.
Yeah. [Kunsel murmurs that back, just as serious.] Yeah, we will. I know we'll find a way.
[If anyone can do it, he's sure it's Zack.
...but even so, he's not sure he can get up and face the world again just yet. Not when there isn't a need. So he just contents himself with leaning against Zack a little longer, shoring himself up with strength drawn from his friend.]
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[ And while they've been pretty avid to just stick together... even that only works so well. It certainly hadn't stopped them from losing Hiro. And now Jim... He lets out an audible exhale. ]
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You can't protect everyone from everything, Zack. [His voice is soft, filled with regret.] It's impossible. Even if we had all our strength back, there isn't enough strength in the world to prevent anything and everything bad.
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I know that, Kuns. But we... [ He pauses one moment. Gives him a squeeze on the shoulder the next before his gaze darts up, eyes narrowed. ] We gotta try. We're SOLDIER. That's what we do. But more than that, you're all...
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[Jim, who'd been the youngest and least experienced of the five of them.]
Putting any of us on a leash isn't the answer. Maybe we can stick a little closer, but we still need room to act if something happens without preventing someone else from reacting. [He takes a breath, knowing this subject is still sensitive, but he needs it to make his point.] You told me you would have been monster chow if Hiro hadn't jumped in the way. What would have happened if you'd been holding onto him at the time?
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...That doesn't exactly make him feel any better or any less guilty of the situation and what came of it though, but... he knows Kunsel has a point, too, really. Yes, they need to be able to react. Yes, they need to give each other the space in order for that to be a thing. Yes, they....
His blood runs cold. At first, he says nothing in answer for a long minute. But just when it seems like he's not going to say anything, his voice breaks the silence once more. ]
I would'a gone down with him... but at least then it wouldn't'a been without a fight. [ He speaks it... with a certainty. But also a quiet determination. He hadn't been able to react because it happened too fast, but if that hadn't been the case... He'd made a promise, after all. ]
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He's not sure how to help. He doesn't even know how to help himself. So all he can ask, quiet and to the point, is...]
Would it have done any good?
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[ He can't hide some of the bitterness that laces in those words. It's frustrating... but that doesn't make it any less true. Zack takes a deep breath. Lets it out slowly. ] Can't say it would'a helped any of you either. [ Not that he, himself, being there had seemed to do much good lately, but... Still. ]
Listen, Kuns... I'm not gonna throw my life away here. But I am gonna keep trying and fighting for a ticket outta here. [ He takes a moment to scratch at his stubble uncomfortably before shifting in his seat, winding his arm a little tighter around Kunsel, looking at the floor. ] We've.. already lost so many people. [ He glances up then, eyes narrowed. ] I don't wanna lose you, too. You.. or Tifa. Or Zell. None of you.
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We don't want to lose you either, Zack. [He takes in a breath, then lets it out, moving his arm around to find his own hug.] I'm not saying you shouldn't fight. I'm not saying to give up if it looks like we're in trouble again. Just... It's like we're driving on ice here. Don't overcorrect just because the car veered to the left. Don't feel like extreme compensation is the only answer here.
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You make too much damn sense sometimes, you know. [ But despite the weak verbal shove Kunsel's way, Zack finds himself winding his other arm around his companion and holding to an embrace. Tighter than usual. ]
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Well, someone has to make sense around here. Not my fault you're not up for the job.
[That would probably sound closer to friendly mocking it's supposed to be if Kunsel wasn't contentedly leaning into that hug.]
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He huffs a bit, but it's more tired than feigned offense. ] Sounds I need to step up my game.
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[But he's... Well, maybe he's not really okay just yet, but...
All teasing aside, it's a little better, having Zack at his side.]
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Guess I can deal with that. I know someone who's pretty good at having my back anyway. [ Even in all his despair, there's a rough hint of fondness touching the surface of those words. ]
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[The words are said as a murmur, but just as fond and warm.]
And even when you don't think you need it. You can be a little stubborn, you know.
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[ Despite the light jab, he gives the fellow SOLDIER a soft squeeze before he finally extracts himself from that hug, arm returning to that looping around his friend's shoulders as he just leans on him instead. His expression takes on something more serious then as he murmurs. ] Gonna get outta here... No matter what.
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[If anyone can do it, he's sure it's Zack.
...but even so, he's not sure he can get up and face the world again just yet. Not when there isn't a need. So he just contents himself with leaning against Zack a little longer, shoring himself up with strength drawn from his friend.]