[network] @guardian; day 54; [open]

[phaseshifter]

[ The video feed starts up with a view of Angel's hand, fingers spread as she attempts to balance her tablet so it stays upright. Apparently satisfied, she scampers a few feet away so that the camera shows more than a closeup of glowy tattoos. Like Rhys! Rhys is there and looking particularly Rhys...y. And bruised. Whatever. Hi, Rhys.

It's Angel who speaks first - smiling away as she tends to do when addressing the network at large. It's good to see she's over that whole "my dad is deaaaaaad" thing, right? ]

Hello, everyone! You know those shopping channel broadcasts that people do on the ECHOnet, where they advertise stuff that you can buy at outrageously inflated prices? Rhys and I thought we'd do that! Ex-except without the outrageously inflated prices bit. Um.

[ She falters slightly before gesturing to Rhys. ] Um, anyway - take a look at what Rhys has got for trade!

[ Rhys takes his cue and steps up to the metaphorical plate, all swagger and over-the-top hand gestures. ]

First, we have this stainless steel beauty.

[ He brandishes a dull looking knife, lighting it from below with his handflashlight. ]

Now, I know what you're thinking - 'Rhys, I don't need a butter knife. There's nothing to butter in this godforsaken craphole!' But that! Oh-ho, that is where you'd be wrong, my friends. You see butter knife, I see weapon. In - in skilled hands.

Knife not your thing? Well, check this out. [ The knife is exchanged for a can of soda. ] This is not something I offer lightly. Sure, it's frozen, and... prrrrrobably flat, but we can't be too picky about our sources of calories! Also, bonus -- it's grape flavored. Who doesn't love grape??

[ Angel listens to all this attentively, nodding and gasping in all the right places. WHAT SALESMANSHIP. ]

Well, Rhys, I'm pretty sure that people who don't like grape are - um, they just haven't tried it in soda popsicle form. Delicious!

[ She is SO INTO THIS. If that isn't obvious. She shows her own offering to the camera - a pair of rather unspectacular blue socks. ]

Time to take a look at what I've got for you here. These are the latest in foot-heating technology. They aren't just socks, they're - um - an investment! A very fashionable investment. These socks make a statement, and that statement is... is...

[ She's lost for words for a moment, wringing her hands slightly. ]

... "I like blue." Now, you must all be asking yourselves what payment we'll accept for these luxury items! And the answer is simple. You can purchase any of the fine deals we've been offering for the low, low price of hats! Ones that we can pull over the chunks of metal embedded into our heads.

[ Rhys cuts in one final time at this point, cheerfully adding: ]

Or we will die.


((OOC: Rhys' speech is bolded for clarity!))

Comments

text, @totheark, private

[0thingsonmymind]

whydo you have
metal
inyour head?

*Because what.
He's seen these guys in videos but he didn't put together than their weird body mods were metal or how bad of a thing that was in a place like this.*

text; also private!

[phaseshifter]

[ WELL. If this mysterious person is going to use text, Angel will too!

brian I'm so sorry oh my god ]

I won't speak for Rhys, because he can explain his port himself! (*゜ー゜)ゞ⌒☆ But mine were a gift from my dad. I didn't really want them but I can't exactly get rid of them now!! Which is incredibly inconvenient because it is cold as heck here obviously ( ❅__❅)

text, @dickcheese; assuming it was sent to both of them, if not e-smack me

[headjacked]

I got it as a way to get a leg up on the competition. This kind of thing gives you an edge where I'm from. Same with my arm and eye. Kiiiiind of was not expecting to be dragged into a literal snowhell when I got my implants.

Question for you, though -- what's up with the spacey thing? Or lack thereof. Something wrong with your tablet?

{ voice | @Lavellan }

[carrywithyou]

What about a scarf? You can wrap that over your head.

[ She doesn't sound very enthused, but the socks are intriguing. ]

video;

[phaseshifter]

Ooooh, maybe! I've been bunching my sheet over my head like a really lame hood, but that's kind of impractical. Annnnnd the wind keeps blowing it off. But if the scarf is long enough, maybe that will be less of an issue?

@dickcheese; video

[headjacked]

Scarves, more sheets, basically any fabric -- yeah. You got it, we want it.

video;

[youarethebandits]

[Oh god why are you guys such dorks. Not that Angel isn't the most adorable dork and anyone who calls her a dork will receive a stern fatherly glare.]

Y'know, you could've just. Started with the whole "we will friggin die without hats" thing.

video;

[phaseshifter]

We could have, but that would be like emotionally manipulating people into helping us out! This way we've already got their interest with our incredible deals before they learn about the whole. Fatal brainfreeze thing.

You still holding up okay?

video;

[headjacked]

Yeah, maybe, but we don't want to get a reputation as "those two guys who are always screaming about something dramatic" on the network, y'know?

And we thought it'd be nice to keep things light. Ish. After - after everything.

text; @blacksuit

[luckystarlimit]

[Okay, she has to admit this is kind of adorable. Too bad she doesn't actually have any hats to speak of but she can appreciate the attempt to lift morale along with the request.]

Well I don't have any hats but I have some fabric. I was going to keep it in case of medical emergency but I guess this counts as an emergency too.

[There's a lot fabric can be used for, this she knows, but if they're really stuck for head coverings...]

text;

[phaseshifter]

Oh no, don't put yourself out on our account! We have some fabric. Kind of. A sheet (∥￣■￣∥) I have been wrapping it around my head like a hood, but it keeps blowing off!! It would be different if we had anything to sew it with, though. Maybe. I have never sewn anything before but I don't suppose it can be that hard? ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

text; @dickcheese

[headjacked]

Well I don't want to like. Rob anyone else of supplies.

But if nobody wants to trade for hats yeah we might get a little desperate.

@CaptSteveRogers; video

[starsandtights]

[Tromping through the snow. Smiling, amused.]

Those are all intriguing items. I'm afraid I haven't got a hat, though, or I'd be wearing one.

[Smiling wryly, he points to the race car print blanket he's wearing like a hood over his head, his coat worn over the rest of the blanket to hold it snugly in place.]

If I see some hats, though, I'll grab them for you. In the meantime you might just have do something like this— [He points to his head again.] —or jury rig some kind of turban or bandanna, if you've got any other cloth.

...Why do you have metal in your heads, if I can ask?

video;

[phaseshifter]

Hi! That's what we've been doing - I have a sheet we've been passing back and forth, but it... isn't the most practical solution in the world. And it kind of doesn't help stop the metal getting damp.

[ She winces slightly. Damp ports are a fast route to migrainesville. ]

As for why, um - it - mine are a set of chargers. Rhys' is more versatile.

@dickcheese; video

[headjacked]

Really appreciate it. Since. It is kind of a life or death matter. Just, y'know, in case I didn't make that clear enough before.

But. Ports. Mine are for -- basically for rapid data upload. Pairs with my arm and eye for improved data mining.

video @Enoch

[warriorscribe]

[Enoch doesn't quite realize why this would be fatal. He has some inkling in the same general area of cold metal being really uncomfortable to the touch, but that's about it. All the same, though, he takes it seriously, holding up a purple bath towel.]

Ah...I have a towel I might be able to make into a pair of headscarves. Water would soak through them, but they would be thicker than bedsheets or the like.

[phaseshifter]

Hello again! [wavewave!] That sounds like a wonderful backup plan, but don't start tearing up your things on our behalf! If we can get our hands on hats, then it may not be necessary.

Maybe.

Probably.

@dickcheese; video

[headjacked]

Thick is good. Water, kind of less so.

Still, yeah, totally beats the sheet. We don't even have our own, we - we share it.

voice; @haurchefant

[silverfuller]

Not since the Jeweled Crozier have I seen such salesmanship!

I am afraid I haven't any hats, alas.... All I have to spare is a coat.

[phaseshifter]

Thank you! I thought we did pretty well, too. For first-timers, I mean. In my case, anyway.

Is the Jeweled Crozier, um. A shopping channel?

[headjacked]

Why, thank you, my - my good man. I have no idea what that thing is but I'm going to guess it's good.

[ FINGER GUNS. That he can't even see. Cool moves, Rhys. Cool moves. ]

Think we're good on coats, though. More layers is never a bad thing buuuut eventually you start looking like a marshmallow.

video; @lockhart

[powersouls]

[Tifa is grinning. This is a pretty great distraction!]

I don't have any hats, but I have a sheet. Do you have any extra pants?

[She is so cold all the time.]

[phaseshifter]

Sorry, no pants! Just my leggings.

 

 

 

Wait, are you running around in the snow with no pants?

@Mnemosyne; video

[bookofnope]

[This is vaguely painful. One does what one must to stop the pain. Beckett holds up his fedora hat, which would probably not look good on anyone but him, and he can only pull it off because he was actually around when fedoras were a thing.]

In the interest of not dying. I could use a knife.

[phaseshifter]

A butter knife?

[ Friendo, are you planning on congealing your blood samples and spreading them on toast or something because that is GROSS.

Like REALLY SUPER GROSS. ]

I mean, um - I'm pretty sure that's a trade! Unless Rhys starts valuing spreadable foods over survival any time soon.

action;

[armoured]

[He has no idea what the ECHOnet shopping channel is, but he can get the idea by their over the top performances. It's a little like an advert in a newspaper or magazine, just made ten times hammier with the inclusion of acting.

A loud metal round of applause is given to both of them when the initial pitch has been made, Al chuckling as he walks over.]

That was some performance, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. I might not have a hat, but I have got some earmuffs that I'd be willing to give--

[No wait, that's not the name of the game. He raises a finger, stopping himself.]

--I mean to trade. For the right price, of course.

action;

[phaseshifter]

Oh! Earmuffs... could work for Rhys, at a pinch? They'd look really dumb, but...

[ She eyes Rhys' tie. The tie that is tucked into his pants. His asymmetrically-pinstriped pants. Worn with his ridiculous pointy elf shoes.

Yeah no there's no making this buttclown look any dumber than he already does, pls commence with the deal-making ]

voice - @claytonator

[dr_unconscious]

[Haha oh what a cute little sales pitch oh it's so charming oH NO]

Good Lord--why didn't y'all say somethin' sooner? I got a nice knit hat, I don't mind givin' it up. How long've you two been goin' without somethin' coverin' those up? Is there any damage? Numbness, headaches?

video;

[phaseshifter]

Oh, a wool hat would be perfect if you aren't using it yourself! My, um - my damage has been pretty minimal so far. Rhys' port has been a little more problematic, but I'm afraid that's a cybernetics issue and not a medical one.