[log] Event: Metamorphosis, Part Three

[snowblindmods]

Characters: everyone
Location: all around town; note location in subject line
Date: Night 415 onward; note time in subject line
Summary: They break out and they wake up.
Warnings: extreme body horror, unreality, eldritch horror, absolutely definitely 100% include warnings in subject lines/before your comment if the subject line isn't long enough

Comments

[jumpthegun]

Everyone's there. [Was everyone there? He can't really remember now. It's all mixed up in his head.] Had to get out. We made it through the door. [He pulls himself further forward. Castiel is damnably out of reach.]

I want to... please, just let me touch you. Nothing feels right. Our bodies were all wrong.

[godsspeed]

[ What is he supposed to do about this? Castiel glances around - first up, instinctively, on force of habit - looking for some source of guidance, and finds none. On some level he recognizes the fever-delirious mental fog settling over him, knows that it's somehow emanating from John and that letting him get closer would likely be a bad idea, but he can't bring himself to abandon him in this state. He is not an anomaly, at least not yet. There has to be something that can be done for him. ]

What do you need, John? Do you think touching me will help?

[jumpthegun]

I dunno. I don't... [He's not sure what he needs anymore. Other than to reach out. To touch something, someone.] I don't want to be alone. Please. [His hand--the size of a dinner plate--twists, turning palm up, supplicating.]

[godsspeed]

I am here. You're not alone. [ He tries to be a little more subtle in how carefully he's staying out of John's reach - or at least what he assumes to be the limits of it. He knows as well as anyone what it's like to reach out to someone in a time of need and find only silence or rejection. ]

You said you got out through the tunnels. Do you think you could lead me back through them? Maybe there's something in the white room that could help you.

[jumpthegun]

Is God here? [His mind is a jumble and Castiel's questions are lost in it.] Is he in the white room?

[godsspeed]

[ The correct answer - the one he would have given without hesitation some months ago - is that God is everywhere, present in all things. But that's not an answer Castiel can give right now. ]

I don't know. I don't know if He's anywhere.

[jumpthegun]

But you're an angel. You know. You have to know.

[It seems very important right now that he knows. John keeps reaching.]

Mary, she's in heaven, right? She did enough to make up for it. She did enough.

[godsspeed]

I thought I knew. I'm sorry. It's as much of a mystery to me as it is to any of you, now.

[ The feverish delirium has Castiel leading John in slow, wobbling circles. He should get to shelter, return to the bunker, try to put something between himself and this not-quite anomaly, but the thought just doesn't occur to him. ]

Mary? [ Right, his wife, who died and stayed dead some time ago. ] I can't make that call, John. It's not my place.

[jumpthegun]

Please... She was a good mum. She was a better mum than I was good father. She left, but it was to protect us. [And her past caught up with her, anyway.]

It should've been me, anyway. Should've been me. I should've been there first.

[godsspeed]

[ Castiel may not necessarily know what John is talking about, but this is something he's heard before so many times in so many variations in so many prayers. Before he's never been allowed to answer.

He stops his slow, shuffling keep-away dance and looks at John, the weight of two thousand years of pity settling on him. ]

There's no such thing as 'should have' in these situations. There's only what is. I'm sorry she's gone. Conviction that you are less worthy of life than her or that you are doing less than she would have won't bring her back.

[jumpthegun]

[John doesn't stop. He reaches for the other man and if he's close enough, he'll try to grab him. There's no ill intent. He doesn't want to hurt Castiel. But he's so hot. He's so confused. He just needs something to hold onto. Someone to ground him. Sherlock's gone. Where did Sherlock go?]

Nothing will. Not like him. She's gone. But he's not. He's still here, right? Where is he? I need to find him.

[godsspeed]

[ The abrupt jump in subject passes Castiel before he can catch it and he cocks his head to the side, confused. Are they still talking about God? ]

I just told you, I don't know. I don't know if He's ever been here, in this place.

[ They're close now, almost within arm's reach. The heat is overwhelming, but in his confusion Castiel can't tell if it's coming from within or without. Where are they, again? ]

[jumpthegun]

[What?]

He has to have been here. I saw him. I've talked to him. You talked to him, too. Didn't you?

[He's not just seeing things again... is he?]

[godsspeed]

What?

I never have, no. When was this?

[jumpthegun]

What? [No. That doesn't make any sense.]

You've spoken to him. I know you have. Other people have. Haven't they?

[godsspeed]

Only five of my siblings have ever spoken to Him. I've never even seen Him. That's a significant part of the problem, John.

[ This is confusing. If he were in a better mental state he might be able to back up and ask if they're still talking about the same person, but he's bewildered and disoriented and agitated. The blistering heat radiating from John draws ever nearer and he doesn't think to move away, forgetting that he's not so invulnerable as he's accustomed to being. ]

[jumpthegun]

[He's so close. Just a little farther and he can reach.]

How did your siblings meet him? They're not here.

[godsspeed]

Maybe they are. They've always been everywhere. Maybe I just can't hear them anymore.

[ His own thoughts are getting scattered and disjointed, and he remains completely still as the heat shifts from uncomfortable to painful, his skin scalding and going red. ]

Maybe I'm the one who's wrong. I've never been this alone, John.

[jumpthegun]

We don't have to be alone, Castiel. I don't want you to be alone.

[His hand finally reaches the angel, burning hot, as it wraps around whatever piece of Castiel he can reach.]

I'll keep you warm, I promise. We can stay here together. I'll keep you warm.

cw: burns (moreso), dissociation, character death

[godsspeed]

[ The pain is a distant thing, witnessed but not experienced. Angels don't feel pain like this, so clearly it's not happening to him. A burning hand closes around a human arm and layers of cloth and skin ignite and turn to ash, and through it Castiel maintains eye contact. ]

Thank you. [ Small flames start to creep up along the human's sleeve from, growing and spreading from that initial point of contact. A plastic curtain draped over his shoulders starts to melt and burn. Hair singes away and skin starts to crack and blister, and through it all the angel Castiel stands perfectly still. ] Thank you.

[ It's only a few moments before the human Jimmy Novak crumples into the melting snow. ]

cw: burns (moreso), dissociation, character death

[jumpthegun]

Castiel? Cas? [No. No, no, no! What's wrong? He can't see. John tries to pull the body closer.] I've got you. Come on, mate. I've got you. What's wrong?