[network] @LELRIC; audio; night 315 [open]

[armoured]

There's been a lot of talk recently about this discovery that we might not really be us, that we might be digital copies downloaded into random bodies, and I know that it's been bothering a lot of people to think that they might not be "real". I don't know whether it's true that we're not the original people that we think we are or if we're copies, though I guess it would explain a lot of what happens here and how we're altered or brought back from the dead.

[In a way less horrifying way than he has been imagining this whole time.]

But I just wanted to say that I think we're real. Maybe not the originals, but real all the same. It doesn't matter where I came from, I'm still me with my own memories, experiences, and feelings. And all of you are real, you've had real impact on the lives of other people here, friends and enemies alike. That has to count for something.

[He's struggled with the thought that he might not be real before, when Barry the Chopper taunted him about being a puppet. It tore him apart then, it nearly broke Ed in the accusing, but he learned a lesson from that. He won't forget that lesson easily.]

So-- so I thought it might be nice if we could talk about the things that are real to us, not just here, but back home. Talk about the worlds we remember and the people that were there, and share them with other people who might never have heard of anything like it. We could even add it all to Mr. Carsen's library, an encyclopaedia of worlds. If you'd like to share, I'd love to hear it. So, um, that's all.

Comments

[armoured]

[His voice is gentle in return. They don't always see eye to eye, but Beckett is just as welcome in this as anyone else.]

That's okay, I'm not doing anything else tonight.

[bookofnope]

I think you may not understand the scope.

[Off camera, he is staring down at his hands. The urge to talk is powerful and takes him all at once. He knows Al is only doing this to be kind in his Al way, and he hates that, how it is a kind of charity. But even with Angel and Rhys, or with Enoch, he doesn't get asked this very often. And there is so much, there is so much.]

The history of my kind goes as far back as that of humanity, and is spread out just as far across the globe. We had much fewer chroniclers. I've spent centuries chasing down stories and carving the truth out of them, or as close to the truth as history can come. History, and myth, lore, legend... if we ever escape from here alive, I'll probably spend a few centuries more just writing down everything I remember.

[armoured]

It doesn't matter about the scope.

[He really means that.]

If you want to talk about it, then I'll listen. And if it takes more than one night, then-- well, what else am I doing after lockdown? All of our stories are important, long or short.

[bookofnope]

That's part of the problem. That all stories are important. I don't know where to begin. Every time I try to make some sense of - the history can't be what I thought it was, when I thought so much of it was a myth. The politics no longer matter as more than a record of old hates. And so much of it is old hates. Old follies. Missed chances. What do I preserve that will do them justice? Do they deserve justice? Who am I to judge?

[He's rambling. He trails off, suddenly paralyzed by the realization of just what kind of can of worms Alphonse had inadvertently opened for them both.]

[armoured]

I think everyone deserves justice.

[It's quiet and careful, he knows there's a lot here that he really doesn't understand and so he's only touching at the bits he thinks he can answer.]

And maybe that shouldn't be from you, maybe you shouldn't judge, but that doesn't mean that you can't tell the facts. The fighting, the politics, the myths... just record it all as it happened, isn't that enough?

[bookofnope]

Is it? [Part of him doesn't know why he's saying so much to the boy, these things that he had barely said to his closest companions. But he'd told Al, once, that he had those rare makings of a real hero. He hears it now. It is compelling.] When there are so many versions of the story, and I still don't know, will never know which is the truth? We never learned from our past, but we could never let go of it. So much of our undoing was in that. I want - I will never have my answers, but if I could give something to anyone who comes after me...

[armoured]

I think you need to tell all the versions of the story, even the ones you don't agree with or that you don't like, because you might find that they all have some truth in them. A lot of truth, I've found, is in perspective.

[It's not always a comforting lesson.]

There are history books in my world that tell of how the Ishvalan War of Extermination began, and there are stories told by the Ishvalans that are different, and then there's the truth of how it really happened. It doesn't make any of them lies, it just makes them perspectives.

[bookofnope]

But there is a truth of how it happened. Everything else - stories don't simply happen. Someone tells them. You can call them perspectives if you want, but ultimately, someone told them for their own reasons.

[That has been his lesson, digging relentlessly through the history of his kind, a people who live a lie, on lies, by lies. For lies.]

Often as not that is exactly how wars start. Someone tells a version of the history conveniently making it logical and just to kill the villains of the story, and off their listeners march, to meet an enemy that's heard the opposite version.

[armoured]

Yeah... I think that's why, if you really want to leave a better future for people who come after you, that you have to tell all of the stories. That way, they have ones from every perspective and no one side that's definitely right.

[The shrug is fairly evident in his voice.]

In my experience, it's when only one story gets passed down that the trouble starts, because people believe that's the only absolute truth.

[bookofnope]

But one story is the truth. [He can't get past that point. His fatal flaw, maybe. It would be just.] Not that historians tend to have had much luck convincing people of that, but if they did - if we did, the politics wouldn't matter. We'd at least have some sense of what is just, of how the scales stand.

[armoured]

Then, if you're sure that that really is the truth, just tell that story. Tell it to me first, and then at least you'll have practise ordering it in your head before you tell it to the people that matter.

[bookofnope]

[Beckett swallows hard, audibly. God know he will need practice. In his head, much of it still sounds like a desperate scream.]

I... I know now that the Book of Nod is true. In part, at least, the tale of Caine is true. He existed. He was the first of our kind, and I think it's true that God touched him in some way. I thought he'd been damned, but now I'm not so sure. I think now perhaps we've damned ourselves, not through his blood, but through what we've made of it. But that is - I don't know whether that is the truth. I know there was Caine, and he had tried to guide his childer to build something new out of the world, with the help of the kine - the mortals - and that their infighting, their abuse of power brought it all down.

[He can't imagine that this is one of those comforting stories about home that Al was no doubt hoping for. But it serves a purpose nonetheless. Speaking of it is a kind of cleansing.]

I don't know if I am the real me here. But it hardly matters. Someone needs to remember this, and whatever I am, it's the least I can do.

[armoured]

[A lot of this makes no sense to Al, he knows next to nothing about vampires and their culture, but he's listening with all his attention because he can tell how important it is for Beckett.]

I'll remember it.

[For what it's worth.]

Don't you think-- don't you think if people brought things down with their abuses of power, that other people could set things right again in the future?

[bookofnope]

[It's worth a great deal. The words, I'll remember, Beckett finds that they touch something inexplicable in him. He wants to hear them again. He wants to hear them from anyone and everyone.]

We could have, if - but we ran out of time. Others will have to, if they learn from us. If our stories can reach them. If any others remain. If there is a future. A lot of ifs.

[armoured]

Maybe, but a lot of ifs means there's still the possibility. As long as there's the possibility, then don't give up hope.

[It's pretty much how he lives his life.]

[bookofnope]

Have I mentioned lately that your capacity for hope can be incredibly frustrating? [The wry grin can be all but heard in Beckett's voice.]

Perhaps there is. But sometimes, I think, it may be better to let things go. Let them end. Let them... die, I suppose, so that something new can grow. Another mistake we've made. I love this immortality, but I can't say it's well earned.

[armoured]

A lot of people say that to me, but I think I'd rather be frustrating and hopeful than be less frustrating and lose a part of who I am.

[There's a moment's pause, before his voice softens.]

Don't misunderstand me, sometimes I think that never giving up and having possibility for the future means letting things go from the past. It means accepting people die, or things end, and finding a way to move on and move up.

[bookofnope]

And, as this town's authority on hope and possibility for the future, how do you know when it does mean that, and when it doesn't?

[armoured]

[He's not sure if he's being mocked, but he'll not argue the point right now.]

I don't always know that, I just have to trust in myself and do what I think is right. I think that's all anyone can do.