snowblindrpg | [network] @ADMIN; Obituary [DAY 290]

[He'd known Bucky was coming, but it still hurts like hell to see. John can only hope his friend will be back. Luna is more of a shock, especially when she's been back such a short time from her last death... at his hands.]

Does anyone know what happened to Luna?

anomaly

[He was with her, of course, so he saw everything. He doesn't have the energy to explain more. What does it matter what the anomaly was like when the end result is the same.]

[Luna's death is shocking to Diana, certainly, but not in the same way it probably is for Quark and the other people who were close to her. Her heart aches at the response from Quark, and she's quick to reach out in response, the concern in her voice palpable.]

Quark? Are you hurt? Is anyone else with you?

[It feels just like Luna's contacting him herself. But she's dead. Once again, she might never come back. He kept hoping every time, and those hopes have paid off, but he's running out of room in his heart to keep it up any longer.]

im fine
i dont think i need anybody else anymore

[He's just so sick of this. All this loss. Not knowing just when something's going to snap up and devour the person you care about the most.]

[How horrible, that such a young boy has been made to feel this way. How long has he been here? What has this town done to him?

She's quiet for a moment, obviously considering her words. When she finally speaks, her voice is shaky.] I know how that feels. But... it's wrong. We all need someone. We're not supposed to be alone.

I... I know I might not be the person you want to see right now... [Given her apparent resemblance to Luna...] ...but I'd like to see you. When you're ready. If that's okay.

[Diana sounds so much like her, and Quark isn't sure what he wants more: to go to her or to stay away out of fear. Isolation always feels worse, but then, he always ends up becoming alone in the end, one way or another.]

okay

[There's a deliberate pause before he finally gives her an answer. He has to weigh over his thoughts and feelings over and over again. Nothing seems like a right answer. But then, if he's going to hurt anyway, why not go for it. People are just going to hound him to meet up with someone in the end, anyway. They always do.]

where do you want to meet? i can go anywhere you want

[Diana sighs a little in relief at Quark's answer, even though it evidently came with some struggle.] Where are you right now? I'm pretty far away from where I originally woke up. [Maybe she's closer to Quark now.]

I'm so sorry, Quark.

[He shouldn't even be talking to the boy now. God. It's not his right or his place to say more, but...]

Are you with anyone else?

no

[Anyone else would just die too, he thinks.]

you dont need to feel sorry
it was stupid for me not to expect this

[Should he comfort him? What's that going to be like? Comfort from the man who murdered you and your friend.]

It wasn't stupid, Quark. This wasn't supposed to happen.

but it keeps happening
i keep watching it happen

[It would be bad enough just to know...just to know that she's died. But he always seems to be there to watch. It's awful. He can't...he can't stand the idea of being around to watch it again if she comes back.]

i keep getting so happy to see her again just for her to die

[He knows it's not intentional from Quark. The lad is just saying what he feels.

That doesn't stop it feeling like there's another bullet tearing through his shoulder, this time going straight through his heart. He's the reason. Quark was so happy to see her. And then Luna died. And she keeps dying. And John's not in a position to protect Quark until she gets back. He's not in a position to protect him ever again.]

No. Stop it. Stop.

[The words are muttered to himself, and John sets down his tablet to clutch at his head for a moment. There's silence save for the general creak of the building and it bears down on his senses.]

Don't do this. Stop. John Watson. 2017. This is Norfinbury. Stop.

[It is silence. There are no voices. Mary isn't there. Major Sholto isn't there. It's just him. There's no one else in the room. There shouldn't be anyone else here because he is alone. It's a few minutes before he can pull himself together to reply.]

I know it's really hard to hold onto hope, Quark. I know if hurts every time you do. But that still doesn't make you stupid, or being happy to see her stupid. It just means you love her. She's your friend.

im sorry
i cant seem to stop saying things like this

[He wants to say something positive, so he won't make people worry. But then he thinks about how was Luna really his friend or was their relationship based solely on their alignment in the Nonary Game? He's so confused. He can't shake these doubts and sadness. It feels like he's never going to be himself again.]

i dont want to make anyone upset

No, no, sweetheart. You don't need to apologize.

[The father in him might be slipping out a bit with that endearment. John's mind is turning to Rosie and he can't help it, can't help thinking what it would be like if she were Quark's age and stuck here.]

You're upset. It's okay to be upset and say what you're thinking. Please don't apologize. I'm sorry this keeps happening.

okay i wont

[No more apologies. It's not his fault. It's not anybody's fault. Things aren't going to be terrible forever even if he feels like they are. Quark takes some deep breaths. Every time he think he's finally numb the tears come back again, and he isn't sure which is worse.]

i just feel really tired
thats all
thank you for talking to me

I think you should probably talk to one of the other doctors about feeling tired, Quark. They might be able to help you with that more than I can.

maybe i will

[He knows he should just say yes, of course, and do it...but what if he's a nuisance? What if there's nothing they can do? The doubts and worries make it hard for him to think too rationally on the subject.]

it looks like im meeting up with someone after all
she might be able to help too

I'm glad to hear that, Quark. I'm really, really glad to hear that.

Good luck getting to them. Keep warm.

[network] @ADMIN; Obituary [DAY 290]

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