He was my patient and someone I've watched out for for months. Luna was my friend. [It's delivered in a monotone, John's expression unchanging.

John turns his attention back to Bucky.]

This isn't about what I think, Bucky. He's in pain. If hurting me will take some of that away, I'd like to let him. He can also let people know he's done what he needed to, balanced the scales a little bit. Probably fewer people will want to hurt me after that.

[One of the benefits of having no affect or tone is that it's easier to lie. Or at least be somewhat disingenuous. Those things are true, but mostly John just wants to be hurt and see if it will fix something, let him control his body again instead of still feeling like he's following half a step behind it. He'd do it, himself, if he could, but he can't right now.

'He'll see through that,' Sholto points out. John glances over at him, but doesn't reply. He's stood next to Bucky at attention.

John will just have to hope that his friend won't see through it.]