snowblindrpg | [network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE INVITING ME TO SPAM YOUR INBOX IN PERPETUITY, RIGHT.

mi inbox es su inbox
spam away
and chill again while youre at it because i see you flipping out at alfie again
here

[He takes a close picture of his hand, then sends it.]

pull that up on your screen and pat your face with it
its not the same
but i do what i can

[He catches himself at roughly the same times this message comes, and he wastes a few seconds facepalming before answering because no he is not patting his face with a picture of Davesprite's hand, fuck you, even if he. Maybe appreciates the gesture. A little.]

YES I GOT THAT THANK YOU.
AND I'M NOT PAPPING MYSELF WITH THIS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.
I'M NOT SAYING PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT BUT HOLY SHIT, DAVESPRITE, YOU COULD HAVE JUST SHOOSHED ME AGAIN.

pap pap
pap pap pap
my hand is avian sandpaper on your cheek
yet so gentle it feels like a silk glove
pappity pap pap a pap
shoosh shoosh
i used those as sound effects in one of my sbahj strips once
but now its the calming noise of personal comfort
seriously thought shoosh
and also
are you serious about the trolls papping themselves with pictures thing

Edited 2017-08-02 11:20 (UTC)

YOUR HANDS AREN'T SANDPAPER, SHUT UP.
AND THANK YOU BUT ALSO
AUGH. YOU HAVE NO CONTEXT FOR THESE THINGS AT ALL AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEEP FORGETTING.
YES IT'S
SOMETIMES? OR THEY JUST PAP THEMSELVES WHILE LOOKING AT PICTURES. OR UH

[Fuck. Shit. Fuck.]

OTHER THINGS LIKE THAT. NOT EVERYONE HAS A MOIRAIL AND NOT EVERYONE EVEN HAS THE WHEREWITHAL TO RECOGNIZE WHEN THEY NEED IT BUT
SOMETIMES.

[Uh.]

ok well
my hands are definitely rougher than human hands normally are
plus theres the weird claws on the end

[This is the easier thing to focus on.]

[Oh thank god.]

I HAVE NOTICED THIS, YES.
AND I LIKE YOUR HANDS, THUS REFER YOU TO MY PREVIOUS POINT ABOUT SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU'RE FINE.

[He stares down at his hands. He has his gloves on and is typing with the stylus, but they're one of the areas where the difference is especially pronounced. He rubs his fingers together; he can't feel the insides of the gloves with as much detail.]

are you really ok with it
not just the hands i mean
but
me being me
not dave
and dont yell at me again like you did when we first woke up
im asking for real

[The leap from what they'd just been talking about and this new line of questioning is a logical one, but it manages to catch Karkat off guard anyway. Again, that conversation seems so fucking long ago and of course it would still be bothering him when they'd had no way to address it while imprisoned, but he's... he'd hoped it wouldn't matter? Naively, probably, because of course it still does. Davesprite has every right to wonder.]

I DON'T MIND IT.
I KNOW THIS IS COMPLICATED AND I DOUBT I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN IT WITHOUT MAKING A MESS OF THINGS BUT
LOOK, YOU'RE YOUR OWN PERSON WITH YOUR OWN MERITS AND, SURE, A WHOLE BUNCH OF FUCKING FLAWS BECAUSE WHO DOESN'T HAVE BOTH. BUT I'D NEVER SAY THAT BEING A DIFFERENT DAVE FROM THE ONE I KNEW ON THE METEOR IS ONE OF THOSE FLAWS.
IF THAT MAKES SENSE? SEE I'M SCREWING THIS UP ALREADY.
I JUST
I WISH YOU'D SEE THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HIM TO BE WORTHWHILE AS A PERSON. THAT'S NOT HOW THIS SHIT WORKS.
YOU'RE WORTHWHILE TO THE PEOPLE HERE. AND TO ME. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHERE YOU STAND OR FLOAT OR WHATEVER IN RELATION TO ANY OTHER DAVE.
AND YOU WOULDN'T AUTOMATICALLY LOSE THAT VALUE IF YOU WEREN'T HERE EITHER. YOU STILL MATTER.
AND YOU'RE THE ONE I FEEL THESE THINGS ABOUT. NO ONE ELSE. I'M SORRY IF THAT'S TOO GAY FOR YOU BUT THAT'S HOW IT IS.
AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO FORGET ABOUT YOU OR MOVE ON IF ANY OTHER DAVE DOES SHOW UP BECAUSE I HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR ALL OF YOU THAN THAT. OR AT LEAST YOU AND THE DAVE FROM THE METEOR?
I STILL DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT ANYONE FROM THE ALPHA TIMELINE, BUT I'LL DEAL WITH THAT WHENEVER IT HAPPENS. IF IT HAPPENS.
WHO KNOWS, THEY'LL PROBABLY TREAT ME LIKE JOHN TREATED YOU. AND I THINK IN THAT CIRCUMSTANCE I'D BE FULLY ENTITLED TO TELL THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES AND HANG OUT WITH YOUR INSTEAD.

[The whole experience of receiving Karkat's answer exceeds the entire set of expectations he'd had about it. Even as much as identity issues form the core of his self (and the debate of his selfhood), the question had slipped out on impulse. He should have asked this in person, or maybe not asked at all. The debate over which wages back and forth until the greater effect of Karkat's actual response overtakes him.]

[He's not mad for being asked. He doesn't hedge it in the circumstantial, apart from mention of the alpha Dave, but the phrasing surrounding it and everything else chase off what doubt there could have been. Alfie's words about his affection for Royce come back to him, but Karkat covers a broader spectrum than that.]

[Would it have been any harder if they hadn't been through the events after their revival? It's put enough else into perspective that his first thing to say comes surprisingly easy.]

i dont give one rancid shit how gay somebody else might think it is

[The rest is... a lot. It's so much all at once. Damn it, he is not going to cry, but what would he even do without him? How could he deal if he didn't care like this, after everything?]

i wish so badly we never went through this
and i feel like everything would have been so stupid if it was just a week of me fumbling through an identity crisis and probably yelling at you more while being mad at my legs
but i still hate it that we had that happen and that ive even got a worry like this on my mind anyway when youre just
you care so fucking much
even before you were just mad that i felt like i had to ask right
i dont know what id do without you here
i was so fucking stubborn and sometimes youre too pushy but if im cracking under all this pressure then youre the one mending me before i can shatter
i miss you
i want you here already
everything hurts too much right now to even pretend i dont

Edited 2017-08-02 14:54 (UTC)

[He can't not worry about how his answer will be received after everything that's happened between them, but with a start like that, he's... cautiously optimistic? Is this what optimism feels like? But Davesprite is still going, and by the time he's finished, he's not the only one who wants to cry.]

I WISH WE'D NEVER BEEN THROUGH IT TOO. AND A WHOLE FUCK OF A LOT ELSE.
YOU DON'T DESERVE TO DEAL WITH HALF THE SHIT YOU HAVE. IT ISN'T FAIR. SO YES, IF I CAN HELP YOU, THEN THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
I'M GOING TO TRY TO GET THERE AS FAST AS I CAN, OK? AND AT THIS POINT I COMPLETELY FAIL TO GIVE A SHIT IF THE TUNNELS ARE DANGEROUS. KEEPING YOU WAITING IS WORSE THAN ANYTHING THEY COULD DISH OUT.
AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I MISS YOU TOO. I MISS YOUR INCESSANT RAMBLING AND YOUR DIGS ABOUT MY BOOK COLLECTION AND HOW MUCH GODDAMN SPACE YOUR WINGS AND TAIL TAKE UP BECAUSE THEY MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE YOU. AND HOW FUCKING ORANGE YOU ARE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EMPTY THIS PLACE SEEMS WITHOUT ALL THAT?

neither do you
you dont deserve any of this terrible shit life has thrown at you here or otherwise

[It's hard not to smile a little at the rest.]

i can turn the audio back on and monologue for a mile about how much fucking snow there is out here
the residential area is still colder than a loveless marriage fyi
wife caught her husband cheating again
he tried to tell her hes got a secret lipstick hobby but after this long surely somebody would have told him how to keep it from smudging all the way down to his collar
she is filing for divorce and you better bet hes getting no alimony
maybe ill just tie my tail in a knot around your waist once you get here so you cant get taken from me again
just be careful on the way man
if you die again im gonna cry and the last dangling threads of my coolkid costume cant take that kind of pressure

[He doesn't know what to say to those first two lines, so yeah, he's going to focus on the easier part.]

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SAVE YOUR BREATH FOR TRAVEL, BUT I'M READING.
AND HUMAN MARRIAGE SHALL NEVER NOT BE RIDICULOUS, BUT BY ALL MEANS, CONTINUE BEATING THE DEAD HOOFBEAST THAT IS THIS METAPHOR. OR MAYBE JUST EXPLAIN WHAT ALIMONY IS BECAUSE I DON'T GET IT.
I'M NOT PLANNING ON DYING, ANYWAY. NOT IF I DON'T HAVE TO.
AND YOU'D BETTER NOT EITHER BUT I THINK WE'VE FIRMLY ESTABLISHED THAT IT'S OUT OF OUR PRONGS SOMETIMES. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THAT SUCKS.
IS YOUR TAIL REALLY FLEXIBLE ENOUGH TO TIE AROUND ME?

Edited 2017-08-03 02:10 (UTC)

dude i thought you would be all about human marriage
isnt romance your whole thing
dont tell me the ideal of two people swearing to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives doesnt hit your sap switch
also alimony is like
when you divorce and one spouse has to pay some money to the other
so that they arent just cut off completely from any monetary income
probably if theyre like a housewife or househusband or whatever and not working
idk the details im not a lawyer
and trust me karkat my tail is like a big citrus noodle

[Bro, why you gotta call him on it.]

LOOK, TROLLS DON'T HAVE MARRIAGE. THERE'S A LOT OF HUMAN TRADITIONS WE DON'T SHARE AND OK, FINE! THE FACT THAT MARRIAGE IS ONE OF THEM IS A FUCKING TRAVESTY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I'VE CRIED WHEN IT'S COME UP IN MOVIES? THEY ALWAYS LOOK SO HAPPY. IT'S SIMULTANEOUSLY BEAUTIFUL AND HIDEOUSLY UNFAIR.
WE WOULD HAVE HAD FOUR TIMES AS MANY KINDS OF MARRIAGE IF IT WERE A THING FOR TROLLS, BUT NO! NO ONE EVER HAD TIME FOR THAT SHIT BECAUSE WE WERE TOO BUSY DYING "GLORIOUSLY" FOR THE EMPIRE OR GETTING CULLED FOR DUMB REASONS. AND IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE MADE PRACTICAL SENSE TO BOTHER WITH THAT IN MIND SEEING AS HOW SOME TROLLS WOULD HAVE HAD TO GET MARRIED OVER AND OVER AGAIN DEPENDING ON HOW OFTEN THEIR QUADRANTMATES DIED? AND HOW LONG THEY LIVED IN GENERAL.
BUT FINE, SURE, RUB IT IN WHY DON'T YOU! EVEN IF I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE.

Edited 2017-08-03 02:37 (UTC)

omg
ok dude calm down
i dont know how troll lifespans work
but unless you live like forever and a day you could totally marry someone
probably
hm
im not actually sure how alien marriage works
marrying more than one person is generally a no go for humans
back in my time same sex marriage wasnt really legal in most places so that would cut down a lot of options too
then again somebody else told me hes engaged to his alien boyfriend so maybe the future is better
or other worlds
idk
dont write your dream off forever is what i guess im saying
also if you do marry somebody in the future i want to be the flower girl

YOU'RE FORGETTING THE PART WHERE I'M A MUTANT AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY LIFESPAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
I MEAN IF I WERE RUST IT'D BE ABOUT ONE OR TWO DOZEN SWEEPS?
WHICH IS. FUCK, HANG ON

[He does the math annnnnd... yep, that sure is a number.]

BETWEEN 30 AND 52 YEARS. AND IT SCALES UP FROM THERE TO LITERAL THOUSANDS OF SWEEPS FOR FUCHSIA BLOODS.
ANYWAY THAT ASIDE IT STILL DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT I CAN FIND SOMEONE I WANT AS A MATESPRIT. IF THAT EVER HAPPENS, THEN SURE, YOU CAN BE MY FLOWER GIRL.

[That's... really depressing to think about. What the fuck. He doesn't want Karkat to die that early.]

[He tries to focus on the second part.]

ok
thanks
maybe i can find you a gardening magazine or something because i dont know shit about flowers

[Trolls, man.]

WOULDN'T YOU BE FINDING IT FOR YOURSELF? SEEING AS YOU'RE THE FLOWER GIRL.

(OOC: Continued over here to spare spamming the post.)

[network] @ASolomons; audio, morning of 265 [open]

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