snowblindrpg | [network] @beyonce | video | day 207 | I'd Rather Go Blind [open] [cw cognitive impairment]

[It's midday when Stephen appears on the network, eyes rimmed red from crying, the vaulted ceiling of the chapel visible behind him. It's ridiculous to feel betrayed, as though there had ever been any reason to trust in the healing powers of a system of resurrection he doesn't even understand, but the shock of waking up in a body bag has been chased by grief and anger.

That's not why he's posting an open video to the network, though. Stephen's first thought had been to send a quick message to his traveling companion to let her know he's ~~alright~~ back and arrange a place to meet, but that plan had gone down the toilet the moment he'd opened up the network and realized he didn't recognize any of the names. That's ~~deeply disturbing~~ inconvenient, but there's an obvious solution -- he'll just have to identify people by sight instead of by name for a few days. It's fine. It's not real brain damage, it's something to do with the way the revival system works, so it's fine.

He offers the camera a fairly convincing smile, though his voice is a little raw.]

So the good news is that I'm alive. I'm not quite sure where I am, though, and I'm guessing I need to get out of here sooner rather than later if I'm going to make shelter. Anyone recognize this place?

[He lifts and turns the tablet, giving the camera a look at the altar. It's a lie, of course; he's already looked this place up on Nat's guide. He just wants to see some faces, get back in contact.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"no" is a lot shorter if you wanna take a minute to cry, bro
interesting
my leg, but not your hands
or solomons' back

how recent is the injury?

[He's taken his minute to cry. He's thrown the tablet a couple times, yelled a lot -- he'd gotten it out of his system before he got on the network. That was the intention, anyway.

"my leg." Look at that, he didn't even have to fish for information to get this one figured out. Stephen should tell him to fuck right off with his puzzles.]

Two years. The more relevant question might be how debilitating Solomons' back is.

[He keeps his eyes on the text message as he reads off the name, careful to get it right.]

Your mobility was impaired by your leg; I don't need hands to run from monsters.

Edited 2017-02-09 07:52 (UTC)

but you need them to be relevant as a doctor here
beyond prescribing them sweet, sweet drugs

mobility might be it
need to get another cripple to find out

You think they care whether I'm useful?

[House struck a nerve with that one, which shouldn't come as a surprise.]

I don't know if you got the memo, but whatever marketable skills I had for the apocalypse went away the moment they pumped me full of nanomachines. You think you were brought here because anyone gave a shit about your qualifications? You and I are just warm bodies, nothing more.

touchy

you're a warm body with a brain
i was assuming you'd be able to use it while distressed
guess not

I think I'm allowed to be touchy under the circumstances, asshole.

you die once
you die a million times
it doesn't even count

[It's what he tells himself, anyway.]

This was different.

[He snaps it out before he thinks better of it. Goes silent when he realizes what he's said -- but the asshole has all the reason in the world to mistake his meaning, doesn't he?]

[House's brows shoot up.]

enlighten me as to how
especially as you've apparently died at least once
but probably multiple times before
that's interesting

[And that right there is the consequence of favoring audio even when he's distraught and disoriented. Stephen is silent for just a beat.]

Don't be stupid. People don't come back from the dead in the real world, remember? I meant it's different from when you died.

so what reset the loop each time for dormammu?

[House hadn't even been intending to stumble on this, but the dots are there for him to connect.]

[ Well, fuck. Also, it's really weird to hear what has to be the Dark Dimension's god's name and not recognize even that. ]

Enjoyed that story, did you?

i enjoy everyone's stories
you kids are my living daytime tv
i'm missing my soaps at home

Yeah, I died. I died more times than I can remember. Are you happy now? Did you get your fix?

nah
you still haven't answered the real question
why does this one matter more?
you're already suffering ptsd
more flashbacks?

[He's assuming on the PTSD thing, but given his own experience with multiple deaths and near deaths...]

Edited 2017-02-13 05:55 (UTC)

Spare me the diagnoses.

[He learned how to center himself in Kamar-Taj, how to get past his mind's insistence on rehashing the car wreck. This is just more of the same. He'll start sleeping again eventually.]

I don't see why I should spell it out for you.

[It hadn't been waking up on a slab -- that had been disorienting, frightening, yes, but also vindicating. He'd been right about his odds. It hadn't even been the memory of that spindly thing reaching to grab him by the skull, though that memory nags at him like a sore tooth he can't quite leave alone. No, it had been when he took stock of himself and found his hands unchanged that he'd lost it. He'd taken the risk because it was supposed to heal him. The microscope is valuable, but his life is worth more than a piece of lab equipment.]

i think i already gave you the diagnosis
and you don't have to
but if you ever wanna vent about the admin being a complete bitch
who gave the asshole gimp back his leg
but didn't bother with your hands when you were probably doing something "noble"
i'm always happy to have blackmail material

Yeah, you're a real shoulder to cry on.

[And with that, he hangs up.]

[network] @beyonce | video | day 207 | I'd Rather Go Blind [open] [cw cognitive impairment]

permatext | private

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still private, whoops

cw: discussion of PTSD/mental health

cw: discussion of PTSD/mental health

cw: discussion of PTSD/mental health/slurs for diabilities

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