snowblindrpg | [network] @featherydouche; postmortem; day 181 [open]

[network] @featherydouche; postmortem; day 181 [open]

so who else died last night
excuse me
"died"
because when i woke up i sure didnt look it
not even a scratch
right back where i started before everything went weird too
same with the people i was with from what i could tell before i left

also you people with the prophet eyes
do you still want to murder us or what

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what is ok

[He swaps to private. He has for a number of conversations by now, because it seems kinder to the people hurting.]

ill ask differently
how are you doing emotionally right now
it was a shitty night for everyone and dying basically always sucks

I no longer think that the people with glowing eyes are infidels I must kill
and I regret killing one of them
I think maybe it is not bad that Doctor Stein killed me

[Well ain't that heavy as all get out? It takes a moment before he can reply.]

i wish i knew better what to say with this stuff
i know i didnt run into you last night and i cant speak for the people who did
but im not mad at you or the people with the prophet eyes
it wasnt your own minds making you do this
it was the town and all the messed up stuff that happens here
and we just got caught in the deadly wayside
i wish none of us died at all last night
and that you didnt have something to feel so shitty about

I have killed people before

[That's...she almost immediately regrets sharing that, though she isn't sure that it's a secret at all anymore. It's important, though, because it means that last night was not only something she was compelled to do one time, but something she already knew how to do. It was easy to go back to it.]

I did not try to resist like Doctor Watson
that is the part that I regret most
did someone hurt you?

ecks youre two years old
what do you mean youve killed people before

[It's not the most comfortable question and he knows it, but he has to ask.]

i died last night
im fine now

I mean that I have killed people before
that was one of the things I was made for
I did not like it and I wanted to stop

last night was like it was before I understood that it was bad

oh man
shit
thats awful ecks
you shouldnt have been made for that
the killing i mean
if anything it should have been for living a good life and being your own person and being who you want to be
but listen to me ecks
or read me since this is text
what other people forced you to do doesnt mean thats who you are
or that its your fault the same way it would be if killing was what you wanted
its the fault of this city now and the guy who decided to make you do that before
and it still sucks that it happened
the people who got hurt in general last night still have a right to be upset if they want
but everyones just so sad and messed up about what they did that i cant be mad at anyone for killing people then
it wasnt what you wanted
youre better than what got forced on you ok

when I first came here I liked this place
I liked that I was alone
I liked that I could choose what things I would do and not do
now I do not like this place
it is not better

J said that if someone hurts someone you care about
you can want justice
and justice is when someone is locked in a prison
I think I would go to a prison if there was a prison here
so the people who were hurt or killed can stop feeling upset
and I can stop

thing one this place does suck heaving donkey balls so i agree with you there
but there is no jail here
not the kind thats actually going to enforce this
ive been in the police station and ive got a police belt and handcuffs so im the closest thing to a cop this place has got
and im saying guess what im not putting you in the cells
youre free to go
because even though this sucks and people are hurt it wasnt you making the decision
youve gotta fix stuff with the people you hurt if theyre willing to try
or leave them alone if they want space
but this isnt like a regular murder so im not gonna treat it like one

if you are the police
is that justice?
is that how justice works?
it was not a regular murder?
but it was not a justified murder

why would balls of donkey be heaving

the donkeys got a medical condition that it should ask its doctor about
the donkey balls arent the point here

i cant explain everything there is about justice
but if it deserves to happen here then its to whoever or whatever put those thoughts in peoples heads
basically you got used as a tool for murder which sucks for you
and people are going to have emotions about getting killed because that sucks for us too
but you dont blame a knife for killing when it wouldnt have stabbed anyone if another person hadnt used the knife that way in the first place
whatever force brainwashed you last night is the stabber
you and the other people with prophet eyes are the knife in this equation
and the people who died are the obviously the victims
do you get what i mean
locking a knife in a box isnt going to stop the force that wanted to do all this killing
because they can just find another weapon and do it again

I do not want to be a tool
I want to be a person

[But that's not possible right now -- not in these terms. She is both, she sees that now. She doesn't like it, but she sees how it is.]

I understand
I was a knife before but I could stop being a knife
this is different

i believe you ecks
and yeah
thats the worst thing about this place
it just keeps doing this stuff to us no matter what we want

my eyes are still wrong
are your eyes still glowing?
I think it will make me dangerous again if other people still have glowing eyes

they are
from what people have been telling me i dont think anyone is a danger to anyone else right now regardless of what their eyes are doing
but im on my own anyway
i feel like something is going to happen again
i dont know what yet
but i want to be careful you know

I think more will happen later
our eyes changed because of something that happened weeks ago
if our eyes are still changed I think more will happen later
even if we are not a danger right now

yeah thats pretty much what im thinking
one thing leads to another
static one day led to static and eyes again later
stuff with the eye symbols brought this
and so long as some of us still have the weird ones something has to happen to us
because nothings ever easy here

I do not want to hurt you
I do not like being alone anymore
but I do not want to be with someone I will hurt when it happens again
like you
like Doctor House

im sorry its like this ecks
i wish i could fix it

we do not have magic for wishes
but i also would like that

just try to stay safe until this is over
not just for the sake of others but yourself too

I will try
you should try also

im going to
dont worry too hard

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[network] @featherydouche; postmortem; day 181 [open]

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