[network] @ADMIN; Arrival

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Comments

private

[awwnoun]

[ God, Tony. ]

"Maybe it's nothing" - it's probably not nothing. [ Clint cannot believe he has to babysit all these people. Tony, pls. ] So you think that's what you lost. You're Tony, and people telling you that is painful?

[ what the fuck, admin ]

private

[definingfuture]

That's not who I am. I'm
I

[Thinking about it hurts. Worse, it scares him. He feels the tightening in his chest again and pushes it back, tries desperately not to think about who he might be.]

I'm Iron Man.

private

[awwnoun]

[ On the one hand, Clint really doesn't want to hurt Tony at all. On the other, maybe it's like with Natasha. Maybe he can help Tony figure it out if he presses a little. ]

Tony Stark is Iron Man, I'm not saying you're not. It's the same thing. [ He is so hesitant. ]

private

[definingfuture]

No, it's not. Tony Stark is just
I know who I am
i knowho

[He doesn't.]

private

[awwnoun]

Hey! Hey, talk to me. Come on, put yourself on voice, Tony, none of this texting bullshit. [ He really hopes he didn't actually break him. ] Talk to me.

private

[definingfuture]

[The reply is very delayed. He tried to talk to Watson and got paralyzed by his own fear. It takes him a bit to even remember how to switch to audio, and when he does his breathing is tight and forced.]

Nothing.

private

[awwnoun]

No, not nothing! [ And now Clint sounds vaguely upset, though he's doing his best to keep calm. Leader voice. He can do that. Calm and collected and gentle, like Cap. ]

Hey, it's alright. Take a deep breath. Slow and even.

private

[definingfuture]

Don't know who-I don't care.

[He has to push it away. The more he tries to think of himself as anyone the worse it gets. He has to stop trying, to pull back from the question of personal identity, and then the intense fear begins to die down.]

Stop asking! Stop! [He's sweating, shaking, and the audio coming through his jittery and full of panicked, shallow breathing.] C-can't, I can't. I'm, I'm not going to think about it.

private

[awwnoun]

Okay, okay. Alright. [ Clint is upset, but he doesn't let it sneak into his tone. He's firmly in boss mode. ] Don't, then. Take a break. Hey, listen, are you listening?

Take a deep breath and drink some water. Tell me about something else. Have you run into anybody else on the way up here? Where are you now?

private

[definingfuture]

[He doesn't even bother trying to fish out water with his hands shaking as badly as they are, but he does concentrate on breathing. Slower, Clint says, and steady. It takes a lot of effort. But thinking about other questions helps him manage his heart rate. Just thinking of the job seems to calm him down. It gives him something to focus on.]

Ran into a group in the aquarium. Solomons. Duster. They and some friends were together. Maybe helping each other out.

I'm in the hospital. My head hurts now.

[That feels better. Weird, how saying stupid little things makes the pain lessen.]

private

[awwnoun]

You're in the hospital. Good, so that's like what, halfway to us? I'm meeting Natasha today, so - we're on our way to getting all back in the same place.

[ Still doing his Cap voice. He's kind of pleased it seems to be helping. ] You think Solomons and his buddies are up to something? Think it's worth watching them?

[ Just as a distraction! ]

private

[definingfuture]

[The steady voice works. He's familiar with the work talk and it provides a pattern he can fall into. Without even realizing it, Iron Man is reporting to Clint the same way he might report to Steve after a mission. A little banter woven in with the detail.]

They're going to talk to the Joker. Solomons wants a personal look.

[The distraction is really what he needs.]

Where are you moving next?

private

[awwnoun]

[ It sounds like Tony's settling down, which Clint is glad for. He smiles a little and it comes out in his tone. He's still authoritative, though. ]

To the school, hopefully, after we figure out where Bucky and Watson are. We need food like crazy. We can grab you some too, if you need it.

Just keep walking when you can. We're all gonna be in the same area soon.

private

[definingfuture]

I could use some.

[Not really because he's worried about provisions as much as he likes being involved in the plan. The rhythm of the conversation makes his heart slow down and his head clear.]

I think I need another day.

[His legs are still shaking and he's not really sure why. It shouldn't have hit him that hard, right? What's wrong with him?]

private

[awwnoun]

Okay. [ Clint is relieved. Tony's sounding better. ] Get here when you can. Someone's gotta make sure the rest of us eat our veggies and brush our teeth before bed.

private

[definingfuture]

Heh.

[It's a soft, tired attempt of a laugh, but it is still an attempt. He's catching his breath so that's a start.]

I don't know what hit me. I'm okay now. I'll come to you when I can.

Iron Man out.

[He doesn't want Clint fretting over him. He can handle this.]