John Watson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jumpthegun) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindrpg2016-09-20 09:12 pm
jumpthegun) wrote in snowblindrpg2016-09-20 09:12 pm
Entry tags:
[log] A Matter of Trust [closed]
Characters: John Watson and Bucky Barnes
Location Building 235 (the Aquarium)
Date: Day 160 - Night
Summary: John's come to try to help Bucky with his frostbitten arm. Bucky was using that as a lure for a trap to interrogate Watson about what he knows. It's not going to end well for anyone.
Warnings: Excessive violence, blood, gangrene grossness
[The aquarium has the feel of a small-town tourist attraction, the sort built to give people just stopping to fuel up on petrol a reason to stay for an hour or two. As John makes it into the place, it's early evening. There are various aquariums inside that, according to plaques beside them, once showcased various Alaskan fish; they're empty now. He checks in the bathroom and finds that the water does, indeed run hot, and that's a relief. The whole atmosphere is kind of eerie, with the water casting rippling patterns on the walls, ceilings, and floors, but there's warm water, and John's just going to have to wait for Bucky since a look around tells him he's alone.
After washing up, himself in the sink, and taking the moment to shave and wash his hair, John goes looking in the gift shop. He finds a stuffed dolphin that he decides to keep for Ecks. As that leaves him still with no Bucky and time to occupy himself, the doctor sends a brief message out:]
@jwatson > @username
I'm here.
[When Bucky arrives, John is entirely preoccupied using his tablet light to read some of the plaques. His ears are tuned for the sounds of others, but someone making the effort could probably sneak up on him.]
Location Building 235 (the Aquarium)
Date: Day 160 - Night
Summary: John's come to try to help Bucky with his frostbitten arm. Bucky was using that as a lure for a trap to interrogate Watson about what he knows. It's not going to end well for anyone.
Warnings: Excessive violence, blood, gangrene grossness
[The aquarium has the feel of a small-town tourist attraction, the sort built to give people just stopping to fuel up on petrol a reason to stay for an hour or two. As John makes it into the place, it's early evening. There are various aquariums inside that, according to plaques beside them, once showcased various Alaskan fish; they're empty now. He checks in the bathroom and finds that the water does, indeed run hot, and that's a relief. The whole atmosphere is kind of eerie, with the water casting rippling patterns on the walls, ceilings, and floors, but there's warm water, and John's just going to have to wait for Bucky since a look around tells him he's alone.
After washing up, himself in the sink, and taking the moment to shave and wash his hair, John goes looking in the gift shop. He finds a stuffed dolphin that he decides to keep for Ecks. As that leaves him still with no Bucky and time to occupy himself, the doctor sends a brief message out:]
@jwatson > @username
I'm here.
[When Bucky arrives, John is entirely preoccupied using his tablet light to read some of the plaques. His ears are tuned for the sounds of others, but someone making the effort could probably sneak up on him.]
no subject
So enjoy a small, beat up doctor glaring at you while stood in his skivvies, Bucky. John is silent for a long moment.]
You can carry me if we run into an anomaly. I'm walking on my own until then. We're not even leaving tomorrow. I'll see where I'm at then.
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The glare is actually kind of comforting, it's more natural. Watson should be angry with him, should be wary of him. Though he's still sort of taken aback by the assumption they're going to travel together even without Bucky carrying him to meet some friends.]
You're coming with me?
[Carefully neutral.]
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He's not sure he's worth the trouble, but he can't deny that he's grateful, expression softening just slightly for the first time since this all began.]
I don't deserve your consideration after everything, but thank you.
no subject
So let's not talk about what you deserve, all right, mate? Just take a damn Vicodin and at least let me wash your shoulder and dress the wounds there before you go to sleep.
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They've all read it.
[It's probably not comforting, but it is true.]
Information is gold here, everyone will have read it and the people that haven't will get a copy from the people that have. Some people will use it against you, and some people won't. You'll drive yourself mad if you spend all your time trying to work it out.
[But he knows what that's like, the look in his eyes says it clearly. He spent eighteen long months assuming every person on the street knew who he was, that every parked van was surveillance. He moved every few weeks, he second guessed everyone and everything.]
Sorry.
[He doesn't have any advice, just the sympathy for what living like that will be like. He's not so naive as to try and reassure him that it won't make a difference.]
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Yeah, no. That's fine. It's true, isn't it? I'm dealing with it. The point is, I know what it's like, Bucky. And you don't need that. I don't need that. No one needs or deserves that. It's a poison dripping into your head, slow but always steady.
I dunno if it's this place or what they did to you, but I'm sorry you're dealing with it, too.
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[His tone is matter of fact, but the least he owes this man is the truth without avoidance after everything.]
When I first called you for the sedatives, I'd just killed two people. Something here triggered the Soldier, it's been getting worse since.
[He never told Watson who he killed, he hadn't even known their names back then.]
It's no excuse.
[He glances up at the doctor, eyes narrowed slightly.]
Is it worse for you here? Before all this made it worse.
[The paranoia, since he clearly suffers from it too.]
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[It's more a statement than a question. A lot of the notes had blacked out bits to the man, and if he knows anything about John Watson from the books, it's that his life revolved around Sherlock Holmes. If it was something back home making it worse, then it's not the same, but he's still interested, still needs to know.
There's a momentary pause, and then his head falls back against the door jamb where he's still stood a distance away.]
Sorry, of all the people here, I've got to be the one you least want to talk about this with.
[He'll give Watson an out, he owes the man giving him distance. He must be scared and angry and hurting, nobody should be forced to spend time with their attacker.]
You should get some sleep, I'll keep watch.
cw: mentions of suicide
Sherlock's dead back home. Moriarty, he... I dunno if there's anything about him in the stories you know, but he was Sherlock's arch-enemy. The psychopath was obsessed with him. Sherlock's never been the nicest bloke... or shy about what he can do. [He's a bloody show-off.] He was starting to get famous. Moriarty used that, he made up a lie and sold it to everyone - that Sherlock was a fake, that he'd made up the crimes he solved. Who could really be that clever, after all. [John's voice is low and hoarse, but there's a thread of anger and resentment in it, though, that's not directed at Bucky.]
Almost everyone on at Scotland Yard turned against us. They tried to arrest him - us. And then he... he had to face Moriarty alone. I wasn't there for him when he needed me. Moriarty made him... he didn't survive. The papers called him a fake who ended his life once he'd been outed.
People turn on you. If you're too clever, if you can do extraordinary things that they can't. They get jealous. That's all it was. Jealousy and Moriarty's poison.
I try not to think about it.
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He can scarcely believe what he's hearing. For a man with self proclaimed trust issues, who just had all his secrets spilled about, to volunteer such a personal one was astounding. And to him. He feels the weight of that trust keenly, like a bladed weight.
'I'm sorry' seems so trite in the circumstances. He's probably heard it a thousand times before, empty sympathy from people who feel pity for him. Bucky steps into the bathroom properly and the door bangs shut behind him, his approach is slow and deliberate to give Watson time to move if he doesn't want Bucky so close. But if he lets him, he'll reach out to lay a hand very carefully on the doctor's shoulder. A comfort rarely given and possibly unwelcome, but decidedly earned.]
Even if the world was against him, you knew he wasn't a fake. Even at the end, that was probably a comfort. And maybe when you get back you can work on clearing his name for everyone else too.
[His attempt at this is clumsy, he hasn't really had to counsel anyone in a very long time, especially not someone he just grievously wounded.]
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He probably shouldn't trust Bucky anymore. He's angry at the man, he's afraid of him, but it's hard to let go. And Bucky needs to know that there are people who still believe in him and trust him if he's going to pull himself out of the place that he's in. John doesn't like baring his soul, but just this once... He'll give Bucky that. Not everything he's told Fiona about what happened, but he'll give the man that.]
Everyone thinks I was just his boyfriend or his idiot assistant. They aren't going to believe me, whatever I say about it.
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Then maybe it's enough you know and you believe.
[There's no fix for this. He's lost someone important - boyfriend(?!) - or just friend, and there's no way to make it better. He knows, he's lost people before and he's sure Watson has too. Military men in combat don't go through their careers without losing friends.]
I understand why you don't want to think about it. It doesn't work like that though, does it? The things you want to forget, they're the ones you remember the clearest.
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It doesn't matter here. [John rolls his shoulders and immediately regrets it as the motion pulls at his chest. His breath catches in his throat, and he winces.] I'll just... I'll rest in here, but you need to clean your shoulder after the way I wrenched it. Please.
no subject
I will.
[He'll be up all night anyway, he'll do it at some point after Watson has gone to sleep. He won't clean his shoulder off with the man in here, he'll grab some water later and do it outside. He takes a few steps back towards the door of the bathroom.]
I'll be outside.
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[He doesn't hang around after that, leaving the bathroom as promised.
If Watson does wake in the night, or when morning comes, Bucky will be awake and keeping watch as promised.]