snowblindrpg | [log] Did the devil say to you, you can make it through [closed]

Characters: Steph, Zach, Al, Church, Luna, Kesara, Watson, Quark, Tifa
Location Building 58 and environs
Date: Days 157/158
Summary: A meeting of many people
Warnings: In comment headers, please!

58: A simple single-story building, the snow weighs uneasily on it, and it creaks and groans under the strain at the best of times. It's very dark, and only the kitchen and living room are intact. The kitchen has a back door. Two snowmen have been built outside. A message has been written on the wall in blue ink: "Don't wreck the snowmen! That's super mean!" "ALPHONSE ELRIC, MAMI TOMOE, FREYA CRESCENT, GREED, EDWARD ELRIC, STEPHANIE BROWN, DAY FORTY ONE, TRAVELLING EAST." has been carved into one of the walls. The following has been written on the wall in blue pen: "This is Building 95 97 on the composite map. Contact @CaptSteveRogers for details." Underneath this is a fairly accurate map showing the house in relation to the school and buildings 29, 35, 35, 37, 40, 41, 47, 48, 50, 53. House 34 is labeled "Medical assistance; hot, clean water. Contact Dr. Epps @claytonator". The school is labeled "School. Food available in cafeteria; DO NOT STAY HERE OVERNIGHT." The shed is labeled "Shed".

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Ah, shit. Zach squeezes her a little tighter when she says it; he had no idea, but now it's no surprise anymore why she reacted like that.]

I'm sorry, Kes. I'm sorry.

[Zach, himself, isn't extraordinarily upset by the news. There's the fact that he wants to be strong and hold himself together for Kesara, but it's also...it just makes him feel kind of numb. This goddamn place that keeps on killing people whenever they're trying to do something good. This goddamn place that rewards people like the Joker. Just. This goddamn place.]

Maybe he wanted to talk to you for comfort. Maybe knowing you were okay, that helped him.

[He's pretty sure that's not going to be comforting to her, so he just holds her a little tighter, gathering her up in his arms to give her something, something real and alive.]

[His warmth should help. It should. Like saying the right things to Steph when they'd spoken after his death was supposed to help. She doesn't know why it doesn't and it terrifies her. Her mind whirls with sick thoughts. That talk with Steph had only been a few days ago. She can hear Steph's hollow voice so clearly in her mind. She can practically hear it.]

No, stop... [she mumbles at it, whimpering as it fills her ears. She hadn't said anything good to Steph. She hadn't helped her like she hadn't really helped Alfie. She knows that, she's sure of that. There is no helping. Even if someone comes back, that is what death means...]

I'm sorry, Zach! [She suddenly wails.] I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you when you - when you - I'm sorry I couldn't help!

Oh, hey, hey, no, don't go there. [There's nothing more that Zach can do; he's holding her but he can't look at her in the eye and promise her it's better that way.

He's glad, she didn't have to suffer through his last few breaths. It wears on him enough that Steph had too, he's glad Kes didn't have to. It's much better like this. He frowns, kissing the top of her head, completely absent-mindedly.]

I'm glad you didn't have to see it. I wouldn't have wanted you to - it's better like this, you know? I'm sorry I didn't get to - to tell you, I guess. I'd have liked to say goodbye. But I'm back, and I'm fine. There's no need for that, okay? No reason for you to apologize.

[Taking a deep breath, he rubs a hand along her good arm. He's the one that's been apologizing, and with good reason; he's the one who left her.]

I was thinking, if I hadn't left you and the tunnels, I might not have died. But I also wouldn't have Steph right now. So even though I...did die, I'm not. I don't regret it.

[He's not sure why he's saying any of that, but now that he's started, he can't really stop. Maybe it will change her mind enough.]

But I did miss you tons, and I'm glad we're back together now.

[It takes a long moment for his comforting words to pierce through the waves in her ears, for the now to drown out those moments that she knows will stay with her as long as she lives. But Zach's voice makes it. Zach's kiss to her hair makes it. Dame Ariel had kissed her head in comfort - once, when she returned after her teacher had been sure she'd died. No one else ever has, since she'd left Simla, half her life ago.]

I should've come with you, [she mumbles, meaning it, but pulled back slowly from the raw edge of pain. Slowly. It'll take time; it's pierced her through, again through a wound that hadn't healed.] I should have... but maybe it won't have mattered... we could have died in the tunnels, or on the way, or together in the school, or - anywhere...

[He doesn't regret it, he says. Does he mean that? Can you not regret dying? She knows, in theory, that there are things worth dying for. And he must love Steph enormously. But she doesn't want to die, and the thought of him dying again makes her so violently sick that she gives a dangerous little hiccough, swallowing hard around it.]

I'm never leaving you again, do you hear? Never never. You are stuck with me and you can't do a thing about it and - and - [she swallows again.] And Steph will have to not mind it.

[He can feel the fondest of smiles on her face as she talks, even though she sounds so raw, so pained. It what she says, because he agrees, they could have died anywhere, both of them, and he's glad it was only him. He's glad he saved Steph, he's glad Kesara wasn't there and didn't see him die.]

We could have. But it was just me, and you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad because you and Steph are fine. You get that, don't you? I'd die for you.

[He's not sure that will please her - as he gets to know her more and more he knows that it's the kind of thing that angers her more than it makes her feel better, but it's his truth, and he's not good at lying to her.]

And I'd die for Steph, too. Technically, I sort of did.

[He shrugs a little, his cheek to the top of her head. His smile is back, and it's making his cheek hurt a little, in the best way.]

That's good, because I don't plan on leaving you either. And I mean that about both of you. She'll be fine. I'm sure she'll learn to like you as much as I do.

[log] Did the devil say to you, you can make it through [closed]

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