[network] @ADMIN; Obituary [Day 154]

[snowblindmods]

We mourn the loss of those who have died in the time between the last announcement and this one:

Zach Spencer
Franken Stein
Tim Wright
Rin Okumura
Sam Yao
Clint Barton

Comments

[blueteamproblems]

[I failed again.

Something about those words, and the way he's saying them, tugs uncomfortably at Church. That almost-but-not familiar kind of feeling is something he's always instinctively ignored, somehow knowing that nothing good can come of trying to follow it to its source.

So, once again, he tries to push it out of his mind and just focus on whatever's wrong with Al, but it's not as easy as it used to be. A hint of that feeling keeps gnawing at the back of his mind.]

What are you talking about?

[armoured]

[He still can't look up, his eyes are focused wholly on the screen in front of him, the terrible truth that yet another of his friends is gone.

He does reply, though, voice so soft and so child-like in that moment.]

I promised to protect him, I said I'd make sure he got somewhere safe and-- that he'd never have to be alone. And I failed, he's-- he's dead, and I wasn't even there with him.

[blueteamproblems]

[I failed. I failed i failed failed failed failed failed-

For a moment it's all he can hear, the words echoing back and forth in his head and drowning out all other thoughts. Al's pain is too familiar, and it's a hair's breadth away from pulling him into memories that he's not prepared to face.

It takes him several seconds of just standing there, motionless, before he can shake himself out of it. There's a kid freaking out in front of him, it's no time to be wallowing in his own misery.]

Hey.

[He steps closer uncertainly, trying to figure out how to be comforting at all.]

It's... it's not your fault. You had no way of knowing what was gonna happen.

[armoured]

[A rattling sob echoes from inside the armour, but he can't actually cry. He hates this body all the more in that moment, he hates that he can't even afford his lost friends the tears they deserve.]

I know what this place does, and I know Tim.

[Both of these things mean he should have known he wasn't safe to go off alone.]

I promised.

[blueteamproblems]

Al. Listen to me, okay?

[It might be all too familiar, and it's entirely possible he'd be freaking out just as badly in Al's position, but he can still handle this. Hopefully.]

I've seen a lot of stupid shit in the last couple of years, and I've made a lot of really stupid mistakes. You know what I learned from all that?

You can't worry about all the things you could have done. That'll drive you crazy. You've gotta think about the here and now and move past it.

[armoured]

[His breath hitches and tiny clinking sounds fill the air as his armour begins to tremble with the weight of what's happened and another mistake made that's cost someone their life.]

I can't, I'm sorry, I just-- I can't.

[How can he hope to keep moving on? He's tried so hard, and lost so many people, and he's been worse than useless here.]

[blueteamproblems]

...Yeah. I get that.

[God, does he get that.]

Shit like this, it's- it can be pretty hard to deal with. But you have to try anyway, 'cause that's all you can do.

[armoured]

[It's the sort of thing Ed might say, it's the sort of thing he might say himself to another person. It's hard to hear, but he forces himself to finally look up at Church.]

How many times am I going to have to watch people I care about die?

[blueteamproblems]

...To be fair, you. Didn't have to watch this guy die. You just heard about it after the fact.

[cHURCH THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF HELPING]

[armoured]

[Al jerks to look at him in utter disgust.]

You really think that makes a difference?!

[blueteamproblems]

[All he has to offer in return is a little shrug.]

Uh, yeah? Not much of a difference, but. You take what you can get.

[armoured]

...Please, just leave me alone.

[He does not appreciate that sort of comfort.]

[blueteamproblems]

Yeah, okay.

[Figures that he'd suck at offering any kind of comfort. Not like he's any good for anything else, either.]

...I'm sorry.