snowblindrpg | [network] @itsybitsy; guiding the way; day 153 [open]

[It’s Natasha again! She’s sitting on a couch, the camera focusing on her face, and she stifles a cough before jumping right in.]

As promised, I’ve started the guide I mentioned. The residential district and ice tunnels are very well documented, but the information I received on other areas of town was relatively sparse.

[ Everybody watching the video can probably see at least part of Clint sitting right next to Natasha. It's hard to tell, but he looks up when she stifles a cough, and mutters something off screen. When she pauses, he grabs for her tablet to pull it towards his face. Hello, snowhell, have a wild-haired scruffy trainwreck pointing at the tablet screen with a bandaged-and-couch-fabric-covered hand. ]

Yeah, and she did a good job on it, too. Natasha's incredibly thorough, I wanna hear some thank yous.

[Natasha rolls her eyes, although the video only catches half of it, and now it’s her turn to grab the tablet. She centers it so that the recording frames both of their faces.]

Thank you for contributing, Barton. If anyone has anything else they’d like to have added, and I can’t be reached, Clint would be more than happy to help you.

[ Clint sniffs a bit, and then settles against Natasha, practically in her lap. Or leaning against her shoulder heavily, at least. ]

Yeah. I'll direct whatever to her. Or I'll just add it myself. [ A beat. ] If we're both not here, tell Tony Stark? [ He glances at Natasha, like he's confirming. ] Oh uh, also, you can reach me at @hawkguy.

[That gets a long-suffering sigh, although she seems unsurprised by this blatant invasion of space, and she elbows him. He’s ruining her serious reputation!]

Tony is @iamlegend. If anyone would be willing to help me document the rest of the town and send updates regularly, I’d appreciate it.

[ Look, he's cold, don't judge him. Clint makes a grouchy noise when she elbows him, but mostly ignores it, comfortable where he's at. He gives the tablet a lazy little salute, and then shoves his hands back under his armpits. ]

Is that it? S'weird. I don't know how vloggers do it. Talking to a camera is like talking to a damn wall, or like, you, before you've had coffee.

[Natasha responds by putting her hand over his face and shoving him off before cutting the feed. A link to her guide is attached.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wouldn't blame you

[ Half joking also! He's glad at least that Watson seems less like he's going to actually throw himself off a roof, even if it's just a little. ]

That's the impression I get, yeah
You know she's in the same house as me right now right? You wouldn't happen to know how to uh
Get her out from where she's barricaded herself in a room... would you

[That would require being able to get up on a roof high enough and find a place here the snow wouldn't break his fall too much.]

Tell her you're not going to let anyone hurt her or come for her, that she's safe. You aren't angry with her, and you're not going to open this back up. You'll make sure the team doesn't.

I did tell her you and Captain Rogers would probably be okay.

[ Clint appreciates this advice, because he really is fond of Ecks, and he didn't like the way she looked upset when she went in to barricade herself. ]

alright, thanks
that's twice you've helped me out with the people here
you better cut it out or I'm gonna have to owe you one

[ He's... teasing, or trying to. He hopes it comes out as such with the text. ]

[His fondness for Clint is ever-growing.]

Just try to make sure that's true what you're telling her, and it'll be thanks enough, mate. I don't want her suffering for this any more than she already has.

Especially when it's all my fault.

I don't tend to lie about hurting people so I think we're good

actually hey, can you do me a favor?

[He's more thinking about convincing the team not to do anything Clint, but there you are.]

Sure, what is it?

[ That counts as the same thing in Clint's opinion! ]

take on a little less guilt about this whole thing
you didn't do it on purpose, right? sure it's your fault but what you're doing right now is the equivalent of beating yourself in the head with a rock over and over
take it from me - and look, I don't know how much your movie showed me - but I know what it's like to screw up massively and just hulk smash myself into the ground until I feel like I've been punished enough
I should probably delete all that but I'm not gonna

I was going somewhere with that
Point is hating yourself isn't gonna do you or anybody any good
capiche?

[There's a long pause as John considers how open he wants to be with this man.]

That's a bit harder than it sounds for me, sir. I'm sorry.

I don't know what those stories you've read say about me or what I'm like, but I watched my best friend jump off a roof after leaving him alone. He had to face down Moriarty by himself. I wasn't there, and he died because I screwed up, got put in the firing line, and he had to sacrifice himself to fix it. I didn't do that on purpose, either.

So when all of you say you're going to sort it out, fix it, every part of me is panicking.

I don't hate myself. I'm just... very, very frustrated with myself. Mistakes keep piling up. People here have died because of me, too. And now this...

Edited 2016-09-07 15:52 (UTC)

[ This is all careful navigating, which Clint is not especially great at, but he's going to try, because Watson is the kind of man that Clint thinks he could very much respect. Watson tries to do the right thing. That's really all that Clint thinks makes a hero. ]

but that's not your fault
I don't know much about you ok, I just know the name. It's not your fault that someone sacrificed themselves for you, that isn't ever your fault

[ God, he's seeing the parallels between Watson and Natasha and it's making him sad. ]

that's superhero 101 you know
finding out how to deal with people dying because of you
it's like going through kindergarten again, right, like everybody makes mistakes
even if theyre really bad mistakes nobody is perfect and there's always a way to make it right, somehow

look I don't think that I need to be making decisions for anybody ok
we'll talk as a team and then I'll make an effort to make sure we don't just make the decisions, everybody does
does that help maybe?

[Clint, it's entirely his fault. Did you not read the words he wrote? If he'd been there, none of this would have happened. Probably. Maybe?]

I was in the Army, sir, I know how to deal with someone sacrificing themselves for me in the line of duty. I chose that. I knew that was part of it. I'm a trauma surgeon, as well. I've lost people.

These are stupid mistakes, though. These are preventable at the time mistakes. And there's no making up for it when someone's dead except doing everything you can to stop the next time. This is me trying to stop the next time.

And it helps a bit, I suppose. I can't tell you it helps a lot right at this very moment, in all honesty. I think that might have more to do with where I'm at than what you're saying though.

Might be best I take a bit. I'm sorry, Mr. Barton.

yeah alright
I can understand that, all of that, even if I don't think you're taking hindsight is 20/20 into account but

hey, it's me that should probably apologize so don't worry about it
go take a bit to cool off.

just you know, remember I'm on your side, ok? We're all trying to do what's right

[ Maybe he'll check up on Watson again later. He really is worried. ]

I know. It's why I told Ecks to trust you.

Good evening, sir.

[network] @itsybitsy; guiding the way; day 153 [open]

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