snowblindrpg | [network] @ADMIN; Obituary [Day 124]

[Quark is already sobbing at the sight of her name on this list—of the reminder of what happened, but the sound of the tears are buried underneath the anger. He knew this was coming, but it hurts so much more than he expected. He wishes he hadn’t looked. But now he can’t control himself. He’s just so angry.]

How could you? How could you do this to her? How dare you! Answer me, you bastard! I want to believe that you’re not really that bad, but if that was true I wouldn’t have to keep watching people I care about die while I can’t do anything about it. You’re not even going to say anything—you never, ever say anything! If you cared you would answer, and say that you’re sorry. You would do more to protect us!

[Now, the tears are a bit more obvious, the anger fizzling into something more desperate and solemn.]

Please. I can’t keep doing this. I’ll be alone again if she doesn’t come back. If you don’t give her back after what you did…

[Quark cuts out the recording before he finishes his threat. He won’t respond to anyone on this post, but can be contacted through his inbox and will answer later in the day.]

Edited 2016-06-04 04:10 (UTC)

I'm sorry, kiddo. [It's not enough, but he still feels like it's partially his fault. Of course it's partially his fault.]

Oh, Quark, I'm so sorry. Where are you? Is anyone with you?

[America slams his fist against the wall. Once. Again. The skin of his knuckles, raw from cold, scrape off. He's bleeding.

A third time for good measure.]

[The sound catches England's attention immediately. He seems to be hyper-aware of what America is doing these days, but still, he doesn't quite connect the thudding noise with America's distress until he looks up and sees the evidence of the other nation's turmoil.

Alarmed, he places his tablet down and reaches for America, setting a hand on his shoulder. He wants to do more, but he knows it's sometimes best to keep your distance when someone is under emotional duress. For once, his worry is clear, his voice soft.] America?

[America stiffens a little, startled by the contact before he remembers there are other people here. Then he calms down, a little. He still feels wound tight with energy and failure.] I'm fine. I just saw the obituary. It's not a big deal. [His blood is on the wall where he struck it.]

[A sinking feeling swallows up the contents of England's chest. The obituary. He'd seen it, as well, early in the morning when he first woke. And though he has no affection for House, the man didn't deserve to die.

And then there were Luna and Steve. Luna...

Nausea turns his stomach. She was so sweet. Too sweet. It was inevitable that this frozen wasteland would engulf her much needed warmth, inside and out. Good people are always chewed up and spat back out for the sake of sick cosmic jokes.

But America...they were his citizens. The pain England feels could never compare to what America is experiencing.

His hand travels down America's arm to gently circle his wrist. He sounds weary, and undoubtedly morose in his own right.] ...I'll get the first aid kit and get you cleaned up. All right?

Edited 2016-06-05 06:46 (UTC)

[America's first instinct is to say that it's fine. To say it again, because he's sure if he only says it enough it will be fine for real. Instead he looks at England's hand on his wrist and lets his arm fall slack.] If you want to.

[His heart pinches as America's hand falls limp. He hates to see America like this, with the spark in his eyes dimmed.

Ginger is around, but still, England lifts America's hand. He gingerly spreads America's fingers open, careful to avoid the wounds on his knuckles. With care, he brings their hands up to his face and places a kiss against the rough palm of the hand in his grasp.] I do want to. Wouldn't want it to get infected.

[America can feel heat in his cheeks, and in spite of himself, he smiles a little. He feels a little bad for smiling under these circumstances, but he's not good at controlling his emotions under normal circumstances.] I guess you're right.

[England could only do that without embarrassment because he knew it might bring America some joy. Mission accomplished, he lowers their hands and draws away to retrieve the first aid kit.] Of course I'm right. Come now, let's take care of this...

[He rummages through his rucksack until he finds the little case. Once he's got it, he settles back in next to America and reaches for America's hand again, dutifully ignoring the sick feeling in his stomach and the weight in his heart.]

[America stays where he is, watching England dig through his backpack and then move back to America. He holds still, only moving his hand to England's, but already he can feel energy building up in his gut. He's talking before he realizes.] It'd be better if there was something I could do, y'know?

[England gently dabs away the blood that leaks from the open wounds. He can almost throw himself entirely at this task and ignore his own emotions for the time being, but of course, America just has to pick and prod at the issue. A frown crosses his face and he heaves a considerable sigh.] ...I know. My people have been on the obituary, as well.

[And how many does he have? At this point, he could count them on one hand. The fact that he can't keep safe even such a small number...he's intimately acquainted with the helplessness that America is feeling.]

[Damn it. Damn it. He'd seen Peggy's announcement, so Steve's name doesn't surprise him, even if it still hurts to see it there, but Luna and House on top of it?

Kunsel punches a wall, feeling so helpless and angry, trying to ignore the ache just beneath. And underneath that is a sinking worry that they've just lost two of their doctors.

Maybe permanently.]

[ Helpless and angry seem to go hand in hand, day in and day out anymore, don't they.

Still, in all of this, there's a hand on his shoulder. A squeeze.

They might be gone, but he's here.

He's still here, Kuns. ]

[ He'd just spoken to her not long ago.

Just had that conversation only days ago.

But that's just how things go there, isn't it. Just how life goes. Anyone can be snuffed out just like that. It was the same back on Gaia.

Still doesn't quell the ache. Still doesn't stop the way he curses this Gaia forsaken place for all it takes away. ]

Who wants to take bets on when House is gonna kakk it again? I say a week. Tops.

Haaaahahaha

a bottle of booze says a week and a half

Scheduling a death, sweetheart? Don't blame ya. It's one of the only things around here we can control!

[Joker, what did he tell you about talking about these things publicly.]

you're the one starting the betting pool, babe
a guy can't get in on his own action?

No, that's cheating!

dude
i gave you an expected upper bound
if anything i'm doing you a favor here

No.

[Ecks, you are in the same room with him preparing to head out for the day. Why are you texting?]

I'm not planning on it, but like hell I'm not betting, kid.

[Maybe planning on it a little. They still don't know what happens when you stay somewhere like the school or convenience store over night.]

You are the worst at not dying.

[This is not the first time she's said it, nor shall it be the last.]

I managed to not-die for 46 years before I got here.

[So, there.]

[She just...stares at him. Forty-six years. She knows perfectly well that humans live for decades and decades, and other species live even longer, but for a moment she just blanks out actually thinking about it.]

That is a very long time.

Make a guy feel old why don't you?

Edited 2016-06-09 02:36 (UTC)

You are old and you should feel old.

[Doctor House gives such strange orders sometimes.]

[It's like being in an Abbot and Costello routine.]

Sarcasm. Learn what it means and then apply it.

Sarcasm is a form of lying. Sarcasm is saying a thing you do not mean.

[She picked that up pretty early, House. She'll go silent, though, mulling over the second half of the order.]

You are very good at not dying and not being old.

[House rolls his eyes.]

You use sarcasm when you're mocking someone. It's not just lying or not saying what you mean. You gotta mean something.

Mock me. Let's see what you've actually got.

[He's met with a long silence as she finishes getting her things together and strapping on her armor. She's thinking about it. It's a hard thing to do, saying one thing to mean another and mocking House all at once.]

I think your world must be a very dangerous world where it is hard to not die.

[He sighs.]

Yeah, it helps to have some new material, too. That one doesn't get under my skin. You need to find something that does.

Spiders are under your skin.

[Comebacks are easier than sarcasm, it would seem.]

[House rolls his eyes.]

You suck at this. Get your things together. We need to start moving.

You suck at this.

[She's not getting better at it, apparently. What she is good at is following orders, so they'll be on their way shortly.]

[ This is nothing. He doesn't feel anything.

He's not kicking a wall with his stupid elf boot until he can't feel his foot anymore. Nope. No, sir/ma'am/tentacle abomination.

He's fine. ]

[Welp. This is fine.]

[network] @ADMIN; Obituary [Day 124]

@quark; audio

@starspangledhero; voice; private

@lockhart; voice

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cw: Suicidal ideations

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[action] - think that's a wrap

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