[network] @ADMIN; Arrival [open]

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Welcome to Norfinbury. The time is E̛̬̞͖͖̫R҉͖̯̬R̼̻͉̰͎̳̙O̩͓͔̫͇͈̯R and the date is E̛̬̞͖͖̫R҉͖̯̬R̼̻͉̰͎̳̙O̩͓͔̫͇͈̯R. This network has been provided for your use. Please interact politely with everyone else on this network.

Comments

[idkmybffjesus]

That's okay, because it was really cute. And yeah, exactly.

For the record though, I'm not holding out too much hope. The last place I saw it was Jerusalem, which is probably on the other side of the world.

[phaseshifter]

[ "Really cute."

Really cute.

REALLY CUTE.

OH NO. ]

Um, yes, that - okay, I have to ask, even though I'm sure I'm wrong and this is a huge misunderstanding...

[ HINT HINT. ]

Are you, um. [She purses her lips, unsure how best to phrase it. THIS ISN'T A SITUATION SHE'S USED TO, OK.] You're not hitting on me, right?

[ SAY NO, FRIEND. TAKE THE OUT. IT'S RIGHT THERE. DON'T GET STRANGLED BY HANDSOME JACK. ]

[idkmybffjesus]

[ please refer back to: blissfully ignorant. still. as often as possible. ]

Oh, definitely. You're really beautiful, even on this tiny screen. But can I call it wooing, instead? I know 'hitting on' is the new phrase, but it sounds so... unpleasant.

[phaseshifter]

Oh no. Oh f-- oh fudge.

[ She's too horrified to even be properly embarrassed. She's been here five minutes and already she's going to get someone horrbly murdered, isn;t this super. ]

You, um, might want to change your mind, friend. Quickly and - and, um, loudly.

[idkmybffjesus]

What? Why? You're not besought by demons, are you? Because I could work with that.

[phaseshifter]

You, um, well - you - you're not wrong. How are you at working with less, um, supernatural dangers?

[ INTERNAL SCREAMING INTENSIFIES. ]

[idkmybffjesus]

Oh, you mean people? People are easy. Why, what've you got?

[phaseshifter]

An overprotective father with a thing for strangling people.

[idkmybffjesus]

Eh, I've met worse. Half the people I used to know wanted to strangle me.

[phaseshifter]

Did any of them make a habit of scooping out people's eyes with spoons and have their car washed exclusively in the tears of orphans they'd personally, well, um. Orphaned?

[idkmybffjesus]

Not yet, but it doesn't really sound too far off the mark. More to the point though, that's your dad?

[phaseshifter]

Oh, you. Know him. That should, um, make this easier. Please don't mention this to anyone.

[ And excuse her while she DIES INSIDE. ]

[idkmybffjesus]

If he's really that worried, you can tell him I'd make a great husband. I wouldn't even ask for a dowry, if that's a concern.

[phaseshifter]

[ Angel makes a mildly inhuman gurgling sound that indicates her ability to be embarrassed is back. JOY. ]

I - I - no, I'm pretty sure that's not what he's - oh my god he's going to murder you and film it just so he can send you the footage afterwards.

[ THIS IS THE WORST. ]

[idkmybffjesus]

What-- don't tell me he plans to send you to some kind of women-only monastery, or something. Or did he already have a husband in mind? [ a beat ] Did you?

[phaseshifter]

No! No, um, no husband, or - think more like the all-women monastery thing, only with no other women aside from myself just in case. And the monastery is guarded by giant robots. With guns.

[ where's the fucking lie ]

[idkmybffjesus]

Really? [ this is the sound of making a 'holy crap' face. ] That sounds a little... over invested.

[phaseshifter]

You... could say that, yes. He isn't exactly the kind of person who does things by halves. I believe the expression is, um - go hard or go home?

[idkmybffjesus]

And where do you stand on that?

[phaseshifter]

Um - I never really thought about it, I... guess. At home I wasn't really in a place to be making choices for myself, for, um. Obvious reasons.

[ Thx, pops. ]

[idkmybffjesus]

Well, whole new world we've got here. That really has a way of clearing the slate.

[phaseshifter]

Well, um, yes. Except for the part where my - where Jack is still here and a touch invested in restoring the status quo.

[idkmybffjesus]

Oh, Jack? That's your dad? As in, Decently Good-Looking Jack?

[phaseshifter]

You didn't already guess?

[ WELP. ]

Um, yes. Handsome Jack. You can - I'm sure that explains a lot.

Please don't get strangled.

[idkmybffjesus]

Didn't really get off on a great foot with that guy...

[ thoughtful pause... ]

But that's alright. He doesn't worry me too much.