Aww... y'see, I would, but there's this chick who thinks I want people to dislike me. It'd be a dick move to prove her wrong, like, not even a minute after she said that. Which means I'm basically obligated to make you hang up and/or cry. Should piss off a bunch of other people.

Did Mommy die of the space consumption? That'd be real romantic. Or murdered protecting you from something. Might be why you're so forgiving when it comes to parents dying to save your sorry ass.