[The days are very long, especially as John becomes increasingly agitated as he's redirected again and again from where he thinks he wants to be going. He talks more to Mary, demands to know if he's losing his mind again and again without adequate answer.
He wonders aloud if the revival mechanism would work again if it's just him now.
It's morning on Day 387. John wakes suddenly from a nightmare, panicking, looking around. He'd been alone. So completely alone for a hundred years, wandering Norfinbury, losing time, just surviving, unable to solve any of the puzzles alone. Not even the Admin or Winter would respond. All of the data ghosts had gone.
He lets out a shaky breath, blinking back tears and then sucks it in again sharply. No tears. He's not crying. There's no point to it.
'Sometimes it's okay to just cry, John.']
Easy for you to say.
['It's not, really. You, remember?']
I remember.
[He remembers that it's been four days and he's been completely alone with his thoughts. With Mary. Except that's not Mary and he needs to remember. At home, at least, and here, when he'd seen her and Sholto, he'd had other people to ground him. Here, it's just her and he's more and more treating her like she's really there. It's getting harder to remember that she isn't.
'You do like thinking yourself 'round in circles, don't you?' Mary's crouched next to him and cups his cheek with her hand. 'Think we both know where this is going, John.']
I don't want to be alone.
[He words are small, almost pleading.
'But you are. For now. What are you going to do when you aren't?']
I dunno. I...
['John, I think it's time for me to go.']
Please don't.
['Oh, my love... you know I'll always be with you. The real me, not this.' She leans in to place a gentle kiss to his lips, and he feels himself tearing up again. 'You can survive, John, and you'll do it better with real people. Promise me you'll try? This can't last forever. Whatever's making you lose time... I think it's part of the death price. Might be why no one's here, too.']
Mary, Dr. Lecter said... he said it was okay. This is okay. You can be here.
['John, you didn't even believe him then. You just wanted this. Promise me.'
He's losing the battle as his breath hitches again.]
Promise.
[She's gone from one blink to the next, and John lowers his head, tears pouring over. He covers his eyes and just lets it come. There's no one else here to see. Maybe he can let it happen just this once.]
Morning 387 (cw: suicidal ideations)
He wonders aloud if the revival mechanism would work again if it's just him now.
It's morning on Day 387. John wakes suddenly from a nightmare, panicking, looking around. He'd been alone. So completely alone for a hundred years, wandering Norfinbury, losing time, just surviving, unable to solve any of the puzzles alone. Not even the Admin or Winter would respond. All of the data ghosts had gone.
He lets out a shaky breath, blinking back tears and then sucks it in again sharply. No tears. He's not crying. There's no point to it.
'Sometimes it's okay to just cry, John.']
Easy for you to say.
['It's not, really. You, remember?']
I remember.
[He remembers that it's been four days and he's been completely alone with his thoughts. With Mary. Except that's not Mary and he needs to remember. At home, at least, and here, when he'd seen her and Sholto, he'd had other people to ground him. Here, it's just her and he's more and more treating her like she's really there. It's getting harder to remember that she isn't.
'You do like thinking yourself 'round in circles, don't you?' Mary's crouched next to him and cups his cheek with her hand. 'Think we both know where this is going, John.']
I don't want to be alone.
[He words are small, almost pleading.
'But you are. For now. What are you going to do when you aren't?']
I dunno. I...
['John, I think it's time for me to go.']
Please don't.
['Oh, my love... you know I'll always be with you. The real me, not this.' She leans in to place a gentle kiss to his lips, and he feels himself tearing up again. 'You can survive, John, and you'll do it better with real people. Promise me you'll try? This can't last forever. Whatever's making you lose time... I think it's part of the death price. Might be why no one's here, too.']
Mary, Dr. Lecter said... he said it was okay. This is okay. You can be here.
['John, you didn't even believe him then. You just wanted this. Promise me.'
He's losing the battle as his breath hitches again.]
Promise.
[She's gone from one blink to the next, and John lowers his head, tears pouring over. He covers his eyes and just lets it come. There's no one else here to see. Maybe he can let it happen just this once.]