rubikscomplex: (cane | looking down)
Gregory House, MD ([personal profile] rubikscomplex) wrote in [community profile] snowblindrpg 2018-06-24 10:15 pm (UTC)

cw: suicidal ideation

[House is just a little surprised they're veering into this. His arm is stuck behind the shelving, reaching high, and Will Graham is apologizing and pouring his heart out to him. The doctor just goes silent and still, looking over his shoulder and toward Will. There's confusion and shock evident on his features at first, but he masks those as quickly as he can.

He honestly doesn't know what to say to this. His first thought is something flippant, something pointed, prickly--'Nothing is unconditional. Sometimes you just don't know what the conditions are.' Sometimes you have to push and push and push until something breaks completely to find out where caring ends, when you've crossed too many lines. And sometimes, very occasionally, he doesn't push something until it breaks because it's good and he's scared of losing it. Wilson, Ecks, Steph, Flynn, Quark... there are so many people he's pushed away, pushed hard at only for them to come back, anyway, and he'd stopped trying to break them, to break the bonds they represent.

Will is another one. House doesn't do friends. It's one of the first things he'd ever told Ecks. He doesn't do friends because friends, especially here, have a tendency to die. Horribly. Repeatedly. And the less emotional investment, the better.

But that was back before he'd spent almost a year in Norfinbury. Back before the deaths of more people he genuinely liked than he can count on two hands. Back before the scent of lavender made him sick and terrified, before white-walls and the sound of static threw him into a panic, before he'd let himself be killed over and over in pursuit of science. Back when he'd thought that one chance was all a person had.

Maybe there are second chances. He's been given enough here by people who shouldn't have after that tablet experiment... after Davesprite had died again. After he'd encouraged Kid to go and get himself killed while insane. After he got a second chance with Wilson. Here. And Will again. Maybe...

At the very least, they have a little more time together before the end. Whatever that end might be.]


Wow. I'm getting all teary-eyed here. Caring is sharing, I guess. Glad we're moving on.

[He can't say all that to Will. House has never really been a person to say what he's feeling unless he's upset and shouting it. What he does instead is pull his arm out from behind the shelving and strolls over to his pack. He opens it and pulls out a well-preserved and carefully-not-squashed Winston plushie. House steps over to Will and hands it back without acknowledging the exchange, just carrying on with the business.]

Interesting news about the shadow. Is it still paying attention when you talk to it? I'd tune out Watson, too, if he were talking to me, personally.

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