[network] @ADMIN; Obituary [DAY 246]

[snowblindmods]

We mourn the loss of those who have died in the time between the last announcement and this one:

John Watson
William Sherlock Scott Holmes
The Joker
Stephen Strange
Clint Barton

Comments

[fanboyascended]

Okay, okay, uncle. Clearly your life is way weirder than mine was before all this started.

Really not doing anything to make me less curious, though.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HOMESTUCK

[mrcreamsicles]

my dad was cloned from my dad
by means of trying to technologically summon him from the past at a point that would cause a paradox
so instead the result was a pile of goo containing his genetics
which then turned into my dad as a baby via science equipment
and then that baby went back into the past
on a meteor
and landed on earth
and became the same guy who later failed to get summoned because time paradox
except he called himself my bro
and also my 13 year old friend pushed the buttons for the process
his grandma (his mom) my other friends grandpa (her dad) and my sisters mom (her mom) were also cloned this way
and the four of us were made by mixing the slime together
johns grandma + jades grandpa = john and jade
my bro + roses mom = me and rose
which we also didnt learn about until that age
also all sent back on meteors to the past
btw this was part of a video game we played that ended the world
except not just on the screen or virtual but actually real
i got turned into a sprite which is like the npc guide for the player through a long story that involves time travel but im not going into that today
but all of us got powers like wind time magic explosions and hella op space junk
also i can watermark the sky with my face its pretty cool
but our game session went hella wrong for complex reasons relating to approximately a fuckbillion stable time loops railroading us to failure
one of the time loops involves the bunny from con air and jades grandson
several also involve aliens from another universe
which it turns out were the ones who made our universe
spoilers the universe is a giant frog
slash was a giant frog because it died thanks to an overpowered dog demon
so we did something called a scratch which basically did a hard reset on everything
meaning that now theres a version of the universe where instead of US playing the game our guardians did instead
i just got a three year trip on a flying golden boat across some mystery part of reality i still dont understand to the new session
but also that timeline was bad somehow?
so my friend john somehow learned to time travel with wind i think and went back and fixed it even though time is totally my domain
granted i dont know how the fuck he learned to time travel anyway because thats from the future after i got here
and there was another timeline where the original version of him and me died but they won the game and made a new universe
also in the background youve got like
tentacled eldritch space calamari
a big green skull demon trying to destroy reality itself
an afterlife made of bubbles that you can visit in your dreams if your dream self is dead
oh yeah every person who plays the game has an extra self called a dream self that is supposed to be awake on the moon of one of two planets prospit or derse though they take a while to wake up the first time
and youre just your dream self while you sleep unless like
your regular body dies and you get revived into your dream selfs body
but then you can also die on these things called quest beds that make you something called god tier and grants conditional immortality
all my friends in my session got that
also one of my friends got combined with her omnipotent pet dog through shenanigans involving her sprite her dream self and god tiering
enjoy

[thewarningafter]

[He could have killed the woman he was with instead of vice versa.]

I could've not come back this time.

[fanboyascended]

Don't say that.

[fanboyascended]

Okay, I've got to give you props.

All of that sounded totally plausible until we got to Con Air.

[thewarningafter]

Alright. I won't.

Anything exciting happen while I was gone?

[mrcreamsicles]

billy im an orange bird dude who has no legs
you can believe that and yet a time loop involving movie memorabilia is beyond you??

[fanboyascended]

Yeah, you're gonna love this.

It snowed.

[fanboyascended]

I refuse to believe anyone liked a Nic Cage movie enough to own memorabilia.

At least not a Nic Cage movie that didn't involve beloved historical artifacts.

[mrcreamsicles]

my friend john was stupidly into that movie
i think his favorite actor was actually matt mcconahey though
however the hell you spell that he was always getting on me about that
mcconnahurk if i have to stare at his face any longer
i got him the grubby bunny for his birthday
to pay him back for getting me the shades stiller wore in starsky and hutch

[And after the anomaly business the other day, this conversation has taken a turn for the depressing.]

[thewarningafter]

No. I don't believe you.

[fanboyascended]

I was skeptical at first, too, but sometimes you've got to expand your consciousness and accept these things.

[keepscalm]

If only we knew who it was. I'm curious to know who ranks above the Administrator. [And whether they could still be around to control her somehow.] But I digress. I suppose it's irrelevant at the moment.

I'll let you go for now and contact you again once I've got word of the situation. [A pause, with evident hesitation.] ...if you need a distraction, feel free to call.

[Or if he wants to like, talk about his feelings, but most people hate doing that, England included. Distractions are easier.]

[thewarningafter]

Next you're going to be telling me the houses locked all of you in at night.

[holmesice]

Exactly.

[You're asking the right questions, England. Even if there's nothing they can do about it at the moment.]

Yes, well. If a distraction is necessary, I shall call.

[fanboyascended]

More of a Keanu Reeves guy myself.

So was it all worth it? The timeloops and the universe reboot? Did you win?

[mrcreamsicles]

theres a timeline where they do in the future

[Which is about the least depressing way he can put it.]

[fanboyascended]

Don't be ridiculous.

[thewarningafter]

Can't help it.

[fanboyascended]

[ Well. Crap. So much for being a distraction. Though he did want to talk about how much time travel sucked... ]

It's different in my world. Just one timestream. When we stopped our friend from becoming a supervillain it changed things enough that some of us weren't born at all.

[fanboyascended]

I'm getting that impression.

[mrcreamsicles]

that
is fucked up
shit man
for us its like
youve got the alpha timeline which is where everything that needs to happen happens
which is decided by what allows stable time loops to complete themselves
and then youve got any number of doomed alternate timelines where somebody did something that wasnt supposed to happen or didnt do the thing or something else did or didnt happen and tl;dr you get a paradox
and in a doomed timeline people die sooner or later
because it cant be allowed to continue

[fanboyascended]

Not existing was pretty peaceful. Didn't really know what hit me and then I was back.

Can't be allowed by who? Or what? The rules of the game?

[mrcreamsicles]

skaia
paradox space itself
the rules of causality
something like that
youre saying you got written out existence
i had to save the guy who was responsible for us all being created so that he could actually go on to do that
among other things

[thewarningafter]

Always want to make a good impression.

Alright, I need to go -- leave, figure out where I'm going next. Can't stay here.