[John's brows knit together, and he purses his lips, blinking rapidly to keep the hot sting of tears at bay. This is not the time. It is so not the time for that. He's cried at Bucky too many times.

Just talk, Mary says softly. Just talk to him a little. He needs it as much as you do.

Couching it as something Bucky needs helps, at least.]

I hurt Sherlock. I hurt him really bad, Bucky. [The tapping stops. John's expression is tense as he looks down at his own hand.] He was already in bad shape, and I beat him bad enough to put him in hospital. I couldn't stop. I was so angry at him. I blamed him for Mary. I wanted to blame him for her dying. He was high and he tried to attack someone. I fought him off and I just... kept going. He didn't do anything, barely resisted. It wasn't even his fault and they had to pull me off of him. And he told them to let me keep going. He thinks it is his fault and I'm the reason for that.

[John runs a hand down his face.]

He thinks I still hate him. I told him I don't, but... [He clucks his tongue. But he's Sherlock.] And everything he's done since she died, everything he's done since before that, it was to protect me, protect us. To save me and Mary. He's gonna get himself killed trying to help me, and he's doing it because my wife sent him a death note DVD telling him to do it, to save me again from... this. Myself. [John gestures at himself self-disgust evident on his features.]

I'm going to stop him. That's why I'm heading north and part of why I don't want anyone with me, especially not someone like Steve. He'll be in danger.