snowblindrpg | [log] starting the trauma early [closed]

[They make good time to the hospital. Natasha has been digging through the network, so she's seen the posts of people identifying bodies in the morgues. After the initial shock, it's her immediate plan after seeing Steve's name on the obituary. There are a few morgues scattered across town, but this one is closest, so it's worth checking. Just to see.

The hospital is huge, and they have to enter from the roof, considering most of the building is buried in ice and snow, so it takes some time to finally get to the basement. They reach the door to the morgue, and Natasha stops, glancing back at Tony. He's still struggling with Steve. She could see it all over his face even if it wasn't her job, even if she didn't know him well. Natasha knows, very intimately, what it's like to deal with grief and guilt, and she can't help but want to spare him from this. If they do find Steve's body, she can't imagine Tony's reaction being anything good. And, if she's honest with herself, there's something like dread curling in her stomach, too. If Steve's body is here, what does that mean? She's going to have to reassess this whole situation.]

You don't have to come with me.

[He wasn't planning to stop by the hospital, but something niggling in the back of his mind won't let him just scope out the building he's meant to end up in. A tiny paranoid voice that suggests enemies can hide everywhere and if he wants to survive, he better check every nook and cranny.

It's a detour, but only one of a few hours, so it's worth doing.

Bucky stalks as much of the perimeter as he can at first, before sliding in the lobby doors and freezing. He probably looks awful, with a hoodie on over the top of his winter soldier clothing, gloves hiding the remaining metal of his arm. He doesn't want to run into anyone, but it seems his luck isn't in again. Even more not in when he sees who it is.

They don't look exactly like the press junkets he's seen concerning them, and Romanoff seems a little different from the memory he has of shooting her some years back, but it's still unmistakably two of the Avengers stood right in front of him. He freezes for a moment, just a couple of seconds, before he's turning on his heel and yanking the doors back open.

Has to get away, has to get away, has to--]

[Seeing Steve—almost Steve, just a little off—has shaken Natasha. If anyone else was around, she'd be hiding it, but it's just Tony, so her walls are down. She's staying calm for him, of course, but her shoulders are tense and her jaw is set, and she's on edge. Steve is dead. She knows Steve is dead. It's silly that seeing him, or almost him again dredges up all of that grief so easily.

Her reaction when she hears footsteps is immediate. Her head snaps up, her whole body tensing, but there's naked shock on her face when she registers who it is. He's a mess, he's in his old uniform, but it's him. It's James. She barely has time to recognize the twist of sympathy in her chest at how terrible he looks before he's trying to leave, and she's on her feet, sprinting across the lobby to intercept him. She's fast, at least, and her hand darts out for his arm instinctively. The metal one.]

James?

[He can hear her pursuing him and he runs all the faster, all the harder, but it's not enough. Her hand closes on his wrist and her voice cuts through him. James. Why James? He doesn't know her, he's never actually spoken to her, and it's an incredibly intimate way to address him. Nobody calls him James, not even Steve.

It makes him panic all the harder and he pivots on instinct to lash out with a backhand towards her face. Just because he doesn't want to kill any more, doesn't mean he won't fight. If his blow connects, he'll try and wrench his arm free and keep running.]

[Oh. She wasn't expecting that.

But decades of training kick in. Some of that training with him, so dodging the blow is like muscle memory, locked into her from a million sparring sessions. He has more weight to throw around, but she's small and fast, so she twists out of the way, her hand still vice-like around his wrist. Her expression goes hard, and she steps forward, aiming to drive her knee into his sternum, an instinctive counter as her free hand goes for his other wrist.]

Edited 2016-07-14 15:06 (UTC)

[He's never sparred with her, but he has trained against combat experts of all types and sizes. She's smaller and faster, so he adjusts his style accordingly.

He doesn't even try and dodge the knee to his sternum, allowing it to bend him double with a small grunt of pain. But he uses that proximity to try and hook an ankle around her calves to knock her legs out from underneath her, all while scissoring his wrists to try and break her grip.]

[This is off. Completely wrong.]

I thought you said you didn't want to hurt me, James. Did you change your mind so soon?

[She says it lightly, almost joking, but it's a test. There's no reason for him to be attacking her on sight, and she needs to see how he reacts to her mirroring his words. He manages to hook his ankle around her legs, and she loses her balance. She lets herself fall, though, keeping her grip on his wrists and throwing herself backward, trying to pull him down with her as she kicks out at his shin.]

[He flinches with the use of his name again, but the panic in his eyes is quickly overcome by a blankness. She's lying. He's never spoken to her, not even a single word. Even the time the Soldier shot her, it was from a distance and to get to the target behind her.

Bucky goes down heavily on top of her, though he twists as he falls in order to try and drive his elbow into her sternum at the same time. He wants her to let go, to be winded, but he'll break bones if he has to.]

[She spots the panic, and she doesn't know what it means, but it's clear from his expression that he doesn't remember her. What does that mean? Some of his programming has been reengaged? Tony had helped him remove the last bits of it, they were sure. An effect of this place?

Bucky twists, and Natasha twists with him, but she doesn't try to hit him back this time. He's broken her hold on one wrist, so she grabs for the front of his hoodie, fisting her hand in the fabric. She keeps that stubborn hold on his other wrist, desperately searching his face.]

It's me. Natalia. Will you stop?

[If it's his old programming, she knows he's under there somewhere. She always was. The only question is if she'll be able to reach him, to calm him down long enough to talk to him.]

[She's good, but of course she is. He knew of the Black Widow even when he was the Soldier, they kept him informed of all the other competition out there. She had nearly managed to evade him when she was guarding her target. Nearly.]

Let go.

[It's a low growl, a demand. If she wants this to stop then she needs to let him go. He pauses for a second, just a second, to see if she'll comply. If she does, he's going to be up and running again in the next second, if she doesn't, he's going to try and headbutt her. Hard.]

[Her familiarity with him before threw him off, so she smiles, friendly and sweet, and lets go. She'd give anything for her Widow's Bite right now. This would already be over.]

Anything for you.

[Her tone is still light and cheerful, but it's practically a taunt. As he gets up, she's on her feet and throwing herself at him, trying to wrap her arms around his middle and force him to the floor.]

[His back was half to her when she launches herself at him, already heading towards the door at a dead sprint.

He goes down heavily, winded. It doesn't last, and he's already twisting onto his back to try and push her off. She's lighter and smaller, he should be able to dislodge her.]

I don't want to hurt you.

[Spat out through gritted teeth.]

Let me go.

Changed your mind already?

[She says it through gritted teeth, trying to get her knee in the small of his back as she fights to keep from being thrown off. He's got a lot of weight on her, but she's scrappy. Natasha leans forward, wrapping one arm around his neck and forcing her other arm behind it, locking his throat between them, trying to force him into a chokehold. It's expertly applied, but she knows he can just roll over and pin her beneath him, which is why she calls out, breathless.]

Stark!

[After their trip to the morgue, Tony had hung back, letting Natasha leave ahead of him. He didn't volunteer why, but he suspected she probably knew, and at least she didn't try to stop him. It had to be done.

But, of course, it's best not to linger. He's already heading to the lobby again when he hears Natasha shout, and he comes running immediately, cursing himself for leaving her in unfamiliar territory without backup. The scene he rushes to is a grappling match, with Natasha trying to pin someone down and that's all Tony can make of it. He hesitates for that moment, in order to figure out what happened, and then runs toward them to help. He has at least some weight to add, so he tries to help her hold the man down, although he's still wondering why she's trying to catch him.]

I leave you alone for two minutes.

[This just goes from bad to worse.

He almost had her off when someone else joins the fray, the name cluing him in at once as to who it was. Has he somehow accidentally stumbled on a new Avengers base or something? Is the Hulk about to join in the fray? Thor? Hawkeye?

Bucky snarls as he bucks upwards, trying to dislodge either one of them. He tugs using his metal arm, the stronger arm, trying to get it free so he can try and punch whoever is closest with all the force he can muster.]

James, stop—

[She cuts herself off as he gets her with her metal arm. She twists, at least, but he still strikes her in the side, and she lets out a grunt. Sometimes she really, really wishes she could take a hit like Steve did and shake it off. She's still stubbornly got that chokehold locked in, though, and now she tightens her grip, willing to choke him into unconsciousness if she has to. Up until now, her voice has been kind, mostly. Now it goes sharp and dangerous.]

We need to talk.

Edited (lol steve is dead oops) 2016-07-14 23:43 (UTC)

What?

[He's almost thrown off when the guy bucks and takes a swing, but Tony keeps trying to hold him down. He goes for the arm, trying to pull it down to the floor, and that is what he hears Natasha talking to-]

Barnes? [He'd say it couldn't be him, but they just saw proof that it really can. Tony looks back at Bucky's face, taking a real look this time.]

Calm down! We're not going to hurt you, just-

[Maybe Natasha's sharp command will get through to him. It's Natasha. He has to listen, right?]

Just relax. Relax.

[He can't get them both off.

He's stronger than one on their own, probably either one, but not both together. Especially not with Romanoff's skills added into the mix. He can't get up, and he'll pass out if she maintains this choke hold much longer. That's as good as a death sentence, he'd wake up restrained somehow and in a much worse position.

Better to feign submission and wait for an opening, even though it goes against every single one of his instincts that scream at him to get away.

So he goes still, finally, underneath them both.]

Edited 2016-07-14 23:55 (UTC)

[Natasha loosens her hold with a sigh, but doesn't break it. She's struggling to catch her breath, still sitting with her weight completely on him, trusting that Tony won't move either. Now that James has gone still, her voice softens again.]

It's okay, James. It's just us.

[And then, tinged with remorse and a little quieter, but loud enough for them both to hear:]

What's happened to you?

[Tony doesn't loosen his grip. He still has his full weight on Bucky, holding him down even though he goes still. Call it paranoia, but he's not sure what he thinks yet. He doesn't say anything, letting Natasha take the lead in talking to him. If it really is Bucky.

He hopes she can get through to him, but judging on the fight he was just putting up, Tony isn't so sure. He saw the way the swing connected with her. It had missed him by sheer chance. And while he expects Bucky to attack him, it bothers him that Bucky would be willing to fight Natasha like that. Maybe he's just confused. Or maybe it's worse.]

Stop calling me that.

[It comes out as a growl, tense. Half afraid and half angry. He still doesn't understand why she would call him James, it doesn't make sense to him, and he doesn't want any name that's really his out there in the open. There's too many ears everywhere.

His metal hand clenches into a fist, but he doesn't swing again.]

[Natasha wants to let go, because she hates this, sitting on top of him like he's some wild animal. She knows it's just putting him more on edge, but the ache in her side is a reminder that she can't let up just yet. She doesn't understand what's happened. Even when he was stealing the shield from her, even when he was trying to kill Tony, he wasn't like this. Even during the worst of it with the KGB, he wasn't this terrified and desperate. It makes her heart ache.

He tells her not to call him James, and for a moment, she doesn't know how to respond. He'd never complained before, and it's certainly better than calling him "the soldier" like she did when his true identity was just a rumor. When Karpov had treated them both more like tools than people.

But then, their handlers had wiped Natasha's memories before and planted false ones. This place, apparently, has made people forget things. Maybe that's what this is. She exhales, voice still gentle. She's trying to be soothing.]

What would you like me to call you, then?

Natasha.

[Tony's voice is abrupt and a bit stern. The voice he uses to give orders when he has to, and he calls her Natasha, not Widow. He wants to reach past Bucky to get to her. She's loosening up, he can see it (and feel it, because he's the rest of the weight keeping him in place), and she's answering him. Accepting his demands. As much as Tony feels for Bucky in this, he can't lose Natasha if he decides to jump back into the fight while she's thrown.]

All right. We don't have to use names. It's probably better if we don't worry about that right now.

[Even though he already did, he's more or less declaring new terms on the spot. Sometimes you just have to play it by ear.]

First of all, I've got some questions. Do you know us?

[While they have him pinned down, Tony wants to get information. He might not be the best SHIELD has to offer, but he's still Director for now.]

[log] starting the trauma early [closed]

Day 135

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